Help me DU, dinner this evening with Christofascists family

[303squadron]

Sister in law and hubby. Evangelicals! Trumpers! Dripping with Self righteous assurances that they and they alone are instruments of the Devine Will.

Arrrrrggghhhh! How the fuck do I get through this?

[HAB911]

1. Do not participate, do not engage

just my opinion

[GenThePerservering]

2. Don't go

and if they ask, echo old Bartleby "I prefer not to."

[wnylib]

18. Beat me to it. I would definitely not go.

I will add this to the OP poster.

You are not obligated to subject yourself to that.

I'd be tempted to say that I had an Antifa meeting to go to that night. That excuse would do double duty. It would get you out of the dinner and ensure that you would not be invited to another one.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

3. Why go?

[Hope22]

4. If you are hosting I would relocate the dinner to a restaurant. You do not want that energy in your home.

Also…the best way to survive while protecting your mental health is to not attend.

[SocialDemocrat61]

5. Order Orange Chicken

in honor of the new president.

[tanyev]

6. At your place or somewhere else?

If somewhere else, keep keys and belongings close by so you can make a quick exit as needed.

[303squadron]

7. Restaurant

[wnylib]

20. Why did you agree to it? What's the occasion?

[Blue Full Moon]

39. Say I have a migraine

[Sanity Claws]

27. Just get up and leave. No need to explain.

However, if you came in the same car as others, you might want to consider how they will get home. Give them money for a uber? Or take an uber yourself and let your spouse or others drive the car home.

[BigMin28]

8. I would refuse to attend.

I'm in a mood that wouldn't take much to set me off. Especially since I know they will gloat.

[cachukis]

9. Tell them to enjoy the ride.

[Solly Mack]

10. If I have a choice in whether or not I get abused, verbal or otherwise, I'm going to opt out.

You are under no obligation to be abused. None. Not from anyone. Not even family.

If keeping the peace in the family means you have to eat shit, then fuck peace.

[SheltieLover]

12. Well stated, Solly!

[Solly Mack]

16. Thank you. I love my family, but love doesn't mean allowing them to kick me around.

It ain't complicated.

[SheltieLover]

21. Quite simple, imo.

[SamKnause]

11. Don't go.

Why stress yourself out for no logical reason ???

Double cultists are the worst !!!!

[gordianot]

13. Ask yourself how you got into this mess.

My wife and I shed ourselves of all Republican relatives. We have been free of them for 15 years and never look back

[EnergizedLib]

14. Remember, your non-blood family

Here on DU has your back.

[morillon]

15. One thing I wouldn't do...

...is accept "helpful" advice on what Democrats should have done. I'm seeing all over the place a bunch of (the usual) straw man arguments, pinning positions on us that we don't actually hold, and using this as an opportunity to bash us for our values.

If you really wanted to light 'em up you could say the moral arc of the Universe bends toward justice, and this is a temporary setback. It's normal for progress to move too fast for some people, and for them to react strongly, even violently, when they're unable to cope with things getting better.

I refuse to give ground on our values. Loud haters and bigots have no means of convincing me I should be more like them.

[LuvLoogie]

17. Don't go

[La Coliniere]

19. I'd be too triggered to attend

so I’d not show.

[Bettie]

22. When I have had to go to things like that in the past

I just say hello and stay silent the rest of the time. I bring some reading material and excuse myself and find a quiet place to read for a while when they start talking about their orange idol.

Now, I told DH, I am just not going to such functions. At. All.

[haele]

23. Car trouble.

Car won't start, you're getting it checked out, and if it can't be fixed, you'll have to wait on the bus to get there.
Calling off sick is also works. Because you don't want a worse headache and sick in the stomach just dealing with the toxicity.

Haele

[hunter]

24. When I was a kid fights around the dinner table were my family's favorite holiday recreation.

Especially around Christmas time when none of the adults in the room could agree when, how, or if Christmas should be celebrated.

I had only one grandparent who believed in the "traditional" Protestant U.S.A. Christmas celebration with Santa Claus, Christmas music, fake snow, etc...

The knives usually came out at Thanksgiving. The worst weekend of my life started out with me getting in my car and fleeing the fireworks. My crazy grandma was bringing her meanest, least charming self to the table. If I'd simply stayed to participate in the melee I'd be a much different person than I am today, probably with fewer scars.

I'm not alienated from my family in spite of our sometimes wildly divergent viewpoints and I think that's important. They all know what I believe and don't presume they can change me.

[SoCalDavidS]

25. Don't Go

That’s my suggestion too.

[Wicked Blue]

26. Stomach trouble - uncontrolled vomiting

and you thoughtfully don't want to infect the others.

[Hekate]

28. Just say No, as Nancy Reagan told us about drugs. Or keep keys & purse close, & exit with dignity...

…at the first sign of trouble. Practice saying, “I really must go now. Have a nice time.”

Or, seriously, learn how to say No in the first place. Judith Martin, who writes as Miss Manners, says you are allowed to nicely decline without explanation when someone tries to dragoon you into an event you don’t want to attend/volunteer to do/whatever. You are not obligated to please all of the people all of the time, and that includes being subjected to religious and political conversations that you find obnoxious.

[Ocelot II]

29. Don't go.

[aeromanKC]

30. I would NOT go!!

[JeffinUT]

31. Ground rules

With my dad and his side of the family after a very devisive 2016-17 we set up ground rules at family events of not discussing politics and religion since it usually deteriorated until everyone was hurt or angry. I would let it be known that you want to go and spend time with them but not at the cost of conflict and if it's gets out of hand do not feel guilty or hesitate to leave.

[bluestarone]

32. What do i use? I say to them "YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE"

"I'm MAKING MY CHOICE" THat's pretty much the end of it. They say no vaccinations, why should i let them bring their desease into my home? NOPE not gonna happen.

[magicarpet]

33. Flagellation much ?

Why punish yourself to that extent ?

■○■○■○■○■○■○

Flagellation is the act of whipping or beating the body with implements such as rods, whips, or switches. It can also refer to the practice of a flagellant, or someone who practices flagellation. The word flagellation comes from the Latin word flagellare, which means "to whip".

Flagellation has been practiced for many purposes, including:
Religious practice
In Christianity and Islam, self-flagellation is a form of penance and spiritual discipline. It is intended to help the flagellant share in the suffering of Jesus and focus on God.

Ceremonial practice
In prehistoric cultures and antiquity, ceremonial whippings were performed for rites of initiation, purification, and fertility.

Initiation
In Native American initiations, masked impersonators of gods or ancestors would inflict beatings.

Ritual
In the ancient Mediterranean, the Spartans practiced ritual floggings. Roman heretics were whipped with thongs made of oxtail, leather, or parchment strips.

The flagellation of Jesus is a significant scene in several works of art and media, including: Jesus Christ Superstar, The Passion of the Christ, and A Clockwork Orange.

Source: Merriam Webster Dictionary define and detailed meaning.

[Xavier Breath]

34. I'd agree with all of those who are saying "Don't go"

but my curious mind immediately leaps to: why did you say 'yes' in the first place? "Sorry, I have plans, maybe another time?" is effective for dodging social commitments where there's a danger of you needing bail money by night's end.

[ismnotwasm]

35. I either don't hang around people like that or I modify myself

I use non-comittal comments, like “oh really?, I think I heard about that, huh”. At work with patients I simply tell them I don’t follow politics or popular culture. For religious types, I have several dramatic stories of examples of love and faith from religions other than Christianity, so what I do is affirm the feelings of faith and goodness as a worldwide thing, not just American Evangelicals…if someone wants to pray for me , I tell them “that’s so sweet of you, thank you”


I was at my BIL’s—one of the people I avoid usually, he does know not to talk politics or say racist shit around us, and he does try. Sometimes he can’t help himself though. So he says something about Biden shitting down coal mines, and I said, “but did he really?” And looked it up on the spot, and gave him a little context. He was fine with it (the answer is no, fuck no, Biden did not ) he actually asked who I voted for and I told him, “not the one who won” —he just laughed and changed the subject.

I tell those people I look up “EVERYTHING” at the beginning of socializing, “just habit with me” —it actually can be a lot fun during casual conversation about music. Or motors, or types or native trees etc..so I establish myself that way, as someone interested in facts and data. I explain that’s how my mind works, I don’t do well with conjecture. I have to have FACTs dammit. And of course they don’t use facts, so it often keeps the conversation fairly safe.

[MuseRider]

36. I had to deal with that.

All the relatives I have left since my last brother died a few weeks ago are BIG church people, most very fundy but a few are not. The only one I care to see or speak with is my Aunt who is 100 years old. She is just like the rest of them but has always had respect for others even with her big fundy beliefs. I will never see her again I suppose. They invite me but I can't really go. There about 30 cousins and on and on and they are all relentless, like they plan the attack.

The last time I was subjected to that I took the bits I knew I had to take, they do have the right to pray but over every single fundy comment made? I finally kissed my Aunt, who has never done that in her 100 years and left, she knew it would be the last time....she is still here, may she live as long as she enjoys it.

You just have to do it. Be nice and courteous but be prepared to say something like, "You all heard what I said. I do not hate you for your beliefs and I have never tried to change your mind. The fact that after all these years you still cannot pass that small courtesy along to me tells me that you don't really know how your Christ wanted you to live. I am happy you are happy but that is the end of this." I have had only a couple of actual contacts with one of them but that ended when I told her I would not be voting for Trump and to please stop adding my name to your FB posts about him unless you want me to react with the same amount of courtesy you give me.

It kinda works but has given me a big rest, I no longer have to chase her posts to me around and get rid of them. She has called a few times but I do not answer except by email and I do not answer my door when I look out and see 2 men in black and white standing there. I hate being mean to them until they try to ease their way into my home. If they have bicycles they never get even that far. It is a heck of a thing when something that should be so comforting and inclusive becomes something feel you have to hide from.

Good luck. I am afraid there is no way that I could see to get rid of their need to convert you or rub it in your face.

[hatrack]

37. If you must go, ipecac will help! Hint: stay at the table.

[Rebl2]

38. Easy

Don’t go. Simple as that.

[PortTack]

40. Don't go. My non thanksgiving will be with a mixed group. Driving my own car and will leave if it's in the middle

Of dinner if they start!

I could care less if I ever see any of them ever again.

[Vinca]

41. Cancel the dinner date.

One new strategy I've been thinking about, atheist that I am, is responding to nasty right wingers with Bible verses. There's no way for an Evangelical to justify Trump's cruelty and inhumanity.

[3catwoman3]

42. Pretend you have COVID-like symptoms and say you are staying...

…home because you don’t feel well.

Seeing as we all feel sick just now, that’s not much of a stretch.

[Hotler]

43. It's okay to say no thank you. think safety first the stove is hot. True Christians would respect your decision.

Be strong you can do this.

[algunito]

44. If you have anything in common

focus on it, if nothing, then skip.

[sakabatou]

45. Like others have said, don't go.

If you have to, set down ground rules: no politics and no religion.