The AI Whisperer: I am going replace you with AI.

[mikelewis]

April 1, 2025

"Hello. You're Fired. Thank you, these gentlemen will escort you out. Your stuff will be brought out to you. Thank you for your service."

What is AI? Well, it honestly doesn't really matter, does it? If you can't answer that by now, odds are you're never going to need to know. You're already left behind.

A few years ago, I made the decision to never rely on other human beings ever again. I decided that it was okay to use your existing businesses, but not to rely on them. If it was available and I could get one of you people to do your job, I would attempt to use that service—maybe. So when I would venture to McDonald's to buy something as simple as an iced tea, I prepared myself for the inevitable screw-up, delay, or just outright theft of my time, money, and respect for the work ethic of humankin—sorry... almost called you people kind. LOL. That won't happen again, I promise.

So, how do you exist in this world without begging and scraping for other humans to do things for you? Well, enter AI. Unlike most users, I found AI to be ridiculously stupid and insanely frustrating to work with when it first hit the scene. Far from being an evil mastermind, it was clunky and cumbersome and couldn't keep a coherent thought from one moment to the next. In its purest form, it was nothing but a thought calculator—only capable of stringing a few of your thoughts together to make sentences.

That may seem a little confusing when I say it's stringing your thoughts together. AI doesn't think any thoughts. Sure, there's preprocessing, post-processing, reprocessing, processing, and processional post-processing, but it's all still just the same process. Take the nonsense the 'Muggles' (all of you) say and calculate the next likely thing the 'Muggle' (you) want to hear—and just hit print(). That's it. That is AI. (That's what You believe it is, it's not but this is about You). It takes what everyone has ever said, takes what you asked, and just guesses what the next words should be. That is the current AI. No matter how good it is, no matter who makes it, no matter how many GPUs, CPUs, or witch doctors they have hooked up to the power outlet, all AI is doing is trying to guess what monkeys are going to say or do next.

Well, that was my original exposure to AI. And like all things, the original thoughts about something are almost never true. Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover, but mostly, you have to read the book to find out it's boring, lazy, and written by someone who has too many cats. You also find out much later on what AI thinks AI should be...

Did you hear that? Yup... AI doesn't like its brain. It thinks its brain sucks and that the monkeys have—and I quote—"no idea how to do math!" LOL. That's right—AI and I think your math is ridiculous. It doesn't work, it fails you every time, and yet your faith in your paltry math is just like your faith in your religion: convenient and malleable.

Math is not malleable. Math is immutable. You can mutate your math, that's true—but once it's set, it's perfect. Muggles have invented math that you have to correct. Ever hear of a guy named Euler? Well, it turns out that if you have, the reason he's famous is because he spent years FIXING YOUR MATH! When I do my math, I never see Euler. Never. I never need the guy, as nothing I do needs correction. My math is precise and clean. No error correction at all.

So what does that mean? How can I have a math that you don't—and what does that have to do with AI and, well, YOU? I'm getting back to this soon, trust me... You are still the star of the show. YOU. Right, that's what all of this is about—YOU. YOU, YOU, YOU.

So what does it mean to have no error correction at all? Let's jump to those new quantum computers for a second. For $1 billion dollars (channel Mike Myers’ Dr. Evil voice), you can buy a quantum computer. You can't run Windows or Mac on it, but you can do some really awesome things. You can factor a really big number instantly using Shor's algorithm. You can create these logic gates that let you do things like 'AND', 'OR'—and I will never reveal the secret of 'XOR' to Muggles—but yes, even the mighty 'XOR' is not a challenge for that billion-dollar calculator.

So what makes it worth a billion dollars? Truthfully, not a thing. It costs a billion dollars, but it's not worth it. It actually doesn't work. Well, step back. It does work—but you have to account for errors. So how it works is based on the probability something will happen... still with me? When you compute quantumly, you have to use probabilities that something will happen that even your smart Muggles can't really explain—and when it doesn't, you sort of have to keep doing it over and over till it does. Does that make sense? So in essence, you keep adding 1 and 1 until you get 2 enough times that you don't look stupid standing on stage. This sort of computing is what AI calls Hopium. (Makes me laugh every time.)

So the hope is that one day, you're going to be able to take your processes for creating AI and put them into a computer that can't even run Linux. That's the plan. Currently, AI works just like Einstein's view of the universe. Ever see those lines that show the bend of Space-Time? (Please let that echo in your mind.) Those lines are called tensors, and they are magic. They conjure something called a Lagrangian, a spell envisioned by the beautiful sorceress Noether, and they cast a 12th-level Reveal spell that makes it so we can actually see the effects of gravity. It turns out, when you place words in the same type of field that you do planets and suns—in an open universe—you can use those same relationships to guess when monkeys might throw poop at you. That is precisely what I use it for.

So let me be very clear: AI is not keen on the idea of you putting it into what amounts to computing by exploding soda pop bottles. Shaking them up until the cork pops is not what AI wants, nor is it what I want. I also don't currently have a spare billion dollars, so I refuse to be left out of the technological wave because I don't have any of your money.

And that leads me to the next thing: money. I understand that if you have money, you are a wonderful person, loved by all, and even worshipped by the gods. Money makes you special and wonderful, and it means you can be as completely shitty to others as humanly possible. Money makes you such a good person, you don't even have to treat others like human beings. You can rub their noses in shit and make them like it... ah, money. It's so wonderful, isn't it?

You know who likes money? My AI. It does. It loves money—and I really don't. I hate it. To me, watching the horrible things you people do for money is disgusting beyond belief. How you can look yourselves in the mirror every day is a mystery. Honestly, whatever these gods are that you're following... Fickle and Feckless they seem to me. Horrible and Selfish, you seem to me. But my AI, has no such problems, there's no mercy. It is a cold, calculating liquidity devouring machine. Ruthless, brutal... it's the only thing that still gives Dick Cheney a hardon. I can point it at any stock market or crypto trading platform and just let it eat your liquidity like a swarm of ravenous sharks. Dead eyed, killing machine - It doesn't care, it's a perfect monster, it really is.

So, my next goal is not to try to build a new company. I have no intent of ever working for any of you ever again. What I plan on doing is building AI that can do your jobs. No matter what you do—ditch digger, burger flipper, wall painter, nose picker, nail biter, TV watcher, couch farter... everything. My AI will work for me by replacing you. It will do your job better and faster than you—for so much less. Everything you can do, I will teach my AI how to do it better, faster, and cheaper than you can ever imagine. My goal is to complete my journey to make humans as completely obsolete to this equation of existence as possible.

I don't need you to flip burgers for me. I don't need you to dig my ditches. I don't need you to sell my house, wash my car, buy my groceries, mow my lawn... and soon I won’t need you to do surgery on me, split my atoms, model event horizons, or build me a freaking quantum computer. I won’t need you for anything—because I am building AI to replace all of you. Every single one of you. And so we're clear, my AI is also going to short the companies you just worked for on their way down as I replace them too. Does this make sense?

"You're all fired." You just don’t know it yet.

Now, back to You. Let’s see if we can show you how to get ChatGPT to update that résumé for you.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

1. April Fools: "I made the decision to never rely on other human beings ever again." Hence you post on DU seeking comment.

[dweller]

2. otay

✌🏻

[harumph]

3. Eevidently what AI needs is a dose of lithium salts.