Why it's important to TELL THEM - and how.
Increasingly, Americans live in "bias bubbles" facilitated by the media and their own self-reinforcing behavior. These "bias bubbles" in turn reinforce the confirmation bias that someone's beliefs and behavior are not only normal and acceptable, but they are shared by other people 'like themselves' - the people among whom they live and do business.
When we encounter someone whose beliefs and behavior are unacceptable to us, we have choices. Most often, lacking the leverage of a business or other transaction, those of us raised to be polite and tolerant choose to ignore the evidence, in a short-term interactions, and/or avoid longer-term interactions. Which is perfectly acceptable, and probably the best choice, as it is too easy for someone deep in the bias bubble to ignore such feedback or attribute it to the giver being themselves aberrant and/or unacceptable. In such cases, 'calling them' on their unacceptable behavior may in fact reinforce their confirmation bias and strengthen their overall bias bubble.
Ah, but when we have leverage, it's different. Our leverage is based on their self-interest in some form, and it is more difficult to ignore such input and even somewhat more difficult to attribute it to negative characteristics of the input provider.
The leverage of them wanting something from us - most powerfully, them wanting money from a mutual transaction - presents an opportunity. Don't waste it, if you have the option!
But also, exercise it to maximum possible effect. Let them know why in a way that has the least chance of triggering that bias-reinforcement cycle. Here's the best way to do this:
Identify what has repulsed you - "that sign" or "the way the clerk treated the Asian customer" or whatever, and simply state that you find it unacceptable. Note that you cannot be comfortable doing business/patronizing/participating, taking the responsibility on yourself.
No additional reason or explanation should be offered, because doing so might trigger the impulse to explain and/or argue on behalf of their beliefs/behavior, which will, again, activate the reinforcing cycle and strengthen their bias bubble.
Maintain, as far as possible, a firm, pleasant, and unapologetic manner and tone throughout the interaction, and leave immediately.
These principles can also be applied to the somewhat less effective (unless we're talking about massive financial consequences, LOL...) interactions by email, snail-mail, or even comment card. Every little bit, if correctly directed and applied, has the chance of chipping away just a bit at their bias bubble.
If there truly are more people who care about others, value equity, support community well-being, and appreciate justice and progress than there are sad, frightened bigots, there will be an effect eventually. And I believe there are more of the former than the latter.
hopefully,
Bright