an email I just sent to a MAGA cousin of mine.

[cab67]

Last edited Tue Jul 1, 2025, 12:19 PM - Edit history (3)

Nothing has happened to her yet, but she's panicking and asking for help. She's perpetually underemployed, has a history of making very poor decisions about her own finances, and has some health issues.


Added on edit: some have criticized my attitude, suggesting I should be more willing to help. Ordinarily, I'd agree with that point completely - but I left some context out to focus on a point relevant to DU. I've helped this person many times. So have others. Our help is likely to be wasted (as I said, she makes poor money decisions), and she's always happy to explain why all of us are foolish for being Democrats. This reflects my arrival at the "no more" point in my life as much as anything else.


-----

Dear Cousin,

I got your text earlier today asking us to put some money away in case you need it for your medical expenses. You’re concerned that Medicaid is about to be slashed and you might lose your coverage.

I’m responding by email because I want to say more than just “no.”

(This is where I included a paragraph detailing previous efforts to help, all of which came to nothing, and the behavior she's shown to me, and to other relatives, throughout our adult lives. I didn't include it here.)

You voted for Trump. You voted for every Republican on the ballot in your state. You brought this on yourself, and I'm not inclined to intervene.

Most likely, you knew they said they'd do this, but didn’t think they meant it. This means you lied yourself into making the biggest mistake any citizen of this country could have made in the modern era. They told you what they would do, but you voted for them anyway.

That, or you didn’t know they wanted to do this. Trump kept telling people Medicaid would be safe. In that case, you didn’t do enough research before casting a ballot. That’s even worse; it means you’re moving through life willingly ignorant of things that matter to you and expecting everyone else to clean up the mess you’ve helped create. That Trump cannot be trusted to tell the truth is now an objective fact and not a mere opinion, and pretty much every other Republican in Congress expressed a bloodthirst to kill the whole program. That includes the ones who are pretending they oppose it, now that it's in that abomination of a bill and they can read the polls.

I suppose there's a third possibility - that you knew this would happen, but assumed the rest of us would cover your losses because your desire to abduct immigrants, do whatever Netanyahu tells us, and raise tariffs that other countries - and not US consumers - would obviously pay outweighed any actual consequences you would personally face, and that because we're all a bunch of do-gooder libtards, we would be too soft-hearted to say "no." I always tell my grad students to check their assumptions BEFORE doing something that can't be reversed.

Sorry, but I can’t help you this time. I’m a lot closer to 60 than I care to think. I also have a young daughter, and my wife – though in good health – has encountered some medical problems. As have I. I have to put my immediate family first as a parent and spouse does, especially as costs rise while our salaries do not.

And even if I could, I wouldn't. Yeah, I’m one of those progressives who thinks we should help one another. But you know what? I’m also a realist and a pragmatist. I don’t have the resources to support you, given where I think the economy is going and what the White House is doing to the federal scientific organizations on which I’ve relied for my work. We’re saving for our daughter’s future and our own retirement, along with the unexpected expenses that arise from time to time. There is no hypocrisy in wanting to help people and expecting others to face the consequences of their actions.

You voted for the people who did this. This is what you wanted. I will not take away that which you asked for.

Sorry.

Oh - and did you ever get your kid immunized? Might be a smart thing to do; a vaccine is a whole lot cheaper than being treated for a serious illness, not to mention the work days you'll miss caring for your convalescing kid.

[Dan]

1. Wow, I would steal that if I could. Except none of my relatives (that I know of) voted for Trump.

With the exception of older brother and he has money to burn.

[sheshe2]

2. On point.

[druidity33]

3. K&R...let us know if you hear back. nt.

[Skittles]

4. just one correction

she didn't just "bring it on herself"

people like her are responsible for the misery of SOOOOOO MANY PEOPLE

[soldierant]

14. While that is true,

it requires minimal empathy to grasp it. I doubt she has even a dmidgen.

[Ilsa]

19. Including hundreds of thousands of deaths

overseas when USAID was halted.

[Skittles]

23. right

there are SOOO many

[JayW]

90. just two more corrections

Import tariffs are paid by the US importer to US Customs. An import tariff is an import tax. Other countries do not pay these taxes but ultimately US consumers do. Just like "Mexico is paying for the wall," other countries paying US import taxes is just another lie. Trumps' increased taxes on us all, on everything not made in the US, without the House having to do anything on a new tax bill.

[AllaN01Bear]

5. ding. x 1000

[DeeDeeNY]

6. You exactly hit all the pertinent points

Voting to put Republicans in charge in both houses of congress after voting for Trump was inexcusable.

[ancianita]

7. Amen amen! This is the kindest smackdown I've read. When one makes a

free will choice one must accept the consequences because justice for others demands it. It's called learning the hard way.

[llmart]

65. My late father would say...

"You've made your bed so now you can go lie in it."

I would have ended the email with, "Sorry, but now it's every man for himself in this country."

[DENVERPOPS]

92. Agree

Years ago I tried to help anyone in need............and then I had a huge revelation.............You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Then I focused on people in need that actually are trying to help themselves and just need a leg up to get started, or along the way.

There are sooooo many people out there that have made it an art to rely on person after person to be sympathetic to them and their un-willingness to do anything to truly help themselves......

[erronis]

8. +++. I might have changed "Oh - and did you ever get your kid immunized?" to "neutered".

Need to stop the breeding of these types.

In reality, the few RW people I know it's easy. I just stop responding or caring. Less stress on me and they only get pleasure from confrontation.

[FoxNewsSucks]

15. That was a great reply.

Why would you call it a "poor decision"?

[GladysKravitz]

21. It allows no path to reconciliation.

War it is.

[Skittles]

24. with all due respect

FUCK THEM - they utterly fucking DISGRACED AMERICA - we'll be paying for the stupidity of Trump humpers for DECADES

[GladysKravitz]

25. You must have wonderful family BBQs.

[Skittles]

26. my family CARES about people other than themselves

they would NEVER vote for a fascist fuck like Donald Fucking Trump

[GladysKravitz]

27. They certainly wouldn't admit it if you're making the potato salad!

[Skittles]

29. *yawn*

dime a dozen

[GladysKravitz]

30. All I said was the poster should try to leave an opening for reconciliation with family members.

You came in all shitty.

[dpibel]

40. "Poor decisions run in the family."

That's not coming "in all shitty"?

Welcome to DU. I bet you'll have a great time here!

[not fooled]

41. But that's the point

I'm not trying to speak for Skittles but their point seems to me to be that these people have shown themselves to be incorrigible idiots, willfully voting to wreck the nation despite innumerable warnings, statements by the fascists, history, etc.

[slightlv]

45. Im lucky in that we're all

Democrats. I have an idea brother may vote R for some, but he's an Independent. Most of the time hw doesn't vote... at all. I told him once he should register as "Apathetic"... he had no idea what I meant.

Sis and I keep away from him with politics most of the time. When we do talk, she and I come unglued on him... he knows our opinions.

As it is we don't do family affairs especially not since losing mom in Jan. Sis and I are too worried and upset by life here and now and just trying to carry on. Bro just retired a few months ago and has a learning curve hes yet to travel.

But for others out there with maga family members, I don't begrudge them leaving no path to reconciliation. My opinion is there can be no reconciliation... we are too far past that fork in the road. I keep my bro at arms length so if we have to work together we can. Otherwise I have nothing to do with him. I secretly think he voted for Trump. I just don't want to confirm it. I've cut out former friends for it, and I know how I'd feel if I knew for sure. I'd rather just keep distance because I could never forgive him for contributing to this loss of everything, especially since his dad and I both served in the military to safeguard what we had... and he wouldn't even consider following in our footsteps. Dissed the military life. Yeah, for most of us, I think, the time for talk and reconciling is long gone. Now... I want the miscreants and bigots to pay and pay dearly. Someday, I hope to "pwn" a maga. I'm not a bad person I've just had enough of the crime cruelty and stupidity.

[cab67]

69. I left out additional context to focus on an issue of broader interest to DU.

I've helped this person repeatedly. So have other relatives. But the help is always a one-way street, and the help is often wasted, requiring even more help within days.

Her nephew once took out a bank loan specifically to help her. MAGA cousin promised to pay him back. The rest of us urged him not to do so - there's no way she could ever pay him back, even if she actually intended to do so - but he took the "never turn your back on family" approach. He's out the $10k he borrowed.

Sometimes, turning one's back on someone is a matter of self preservation. I pointed this out in the email I sent - I can't keep giving this person money without risking our ability to deal with emergencies. Ill-intended family members can also sow discord among relatives and ruin every family event they attend.

I should also add that when Jinglesphincter's people went after federal science support, dear cousin cheered. Finally - no more money wasted on climate change, evolution, or creating transgender rodents! As far as she was concerned, those who became scientists made bad life choices. (The irony of that attitude is dense enough that light can't escape its surface.) When I pointed out that I rely on NSF for much of my research funding, she merely said that this was a good thing - it would encourage me to abandon conspiracy-driven liberal ideology (as though evolution and biotic response to environmental change - two things I work with - are Marxist plots to redistribute wealth and lead our youth astray and not, you know, physical reality) and maybe get a real job for once. This isn't the first time she showed nauseating levels of condescension, only to point out that she needed my money.

There comes a point where enough is enough. Need help? Happy to provide it - but I would appreciate some courtesy in return, and I take great exception to having it diverted to something frivolous and not applied to the new refrigerator you actually need.

[blubunyip]

87. Sounds like the poster's patience and generosity

has finally run out. I’ve been there. Sometimes reconciliation is not possible. Sometimes you have to speak the truth and look out for yourself. Obviously the poster has lost all respect for the cousin. When that happens, affection turns into avoidance and at best, pity. No point in reconciliation because usually these types of people are too proud to apologize or to seek a constructive way to correct anything. They just want more from you.

[FoxNewsSucks]

36. Path to reconciliation???

What rock have you been hiding under? They don't want "reconciliation". They want OUR DESTRUCTION.

Wake up!!!

[GladysKravitz]

37. Your family wants your destruction?

[still-prayin4rain]

47. My maga brother posts all over FB that he hopes all liberals' children die.

So, yeah, at least mine openly claims to want my destruction. You see the violence being inflicted on innocent people and cheered by them, right?

[Abolishinist]

48. Wowzer.

Do you have a common mother/father? If so, what do they have to say about this?

[still-prayin4rain]

97. No, dad has passed away.

My mom is estranged right now, but is also fairly liberal. So his repeated declarations about wanting liberals' children to die is darkly ironic.

I told him this is unacceptable to me and he keeps posting it, so I had to cut ties.

[Pacifist Patriot]

59. I don't know about their family, but yes...

I have had Trump cult family flat out tell me I should be in a re-education camp or dead because I am a deluded libtard contributing to the downfall of America.

I wouldn't have bothered with the whole reply myself, but only because I wouldn't waste my time. But no chance in hell I will ever reconcile, I don't care how much DNA we share. FAFO

[UniqueUserName]

63. A word to the wise

I don't know if I will see a message if you respond to this text. Let me be clear, I am not ignoring you. I don't know what happens to long exchanges when one person is ignored.

There's only one reason why someone would choose the name of the nosy next door neighbor from the television show Bewitched. And that reason is not honest discourse.

I hope to see your responses again in more pleasant situations! Hope your day is well.

[Prof. Toru Tanaka]

62. I thought the letter was spot-on.

Trumpers love to yell about other people getting free stuff but it is A-OK for them to get assistance when needed. To hell with them and their hypocrisy!

And Skittles makes a great point in stating the fact that it is not just MAGAts paying for their stupid voting positions. Progressives who tried to prevent this Reich Wing avalanche of shit with their votes have to deal with this mess, also.

I especially liked the last part about immunizations- it appears that the MAGAt with their hand out for a hand out is also anti-mask and anti-vaccine.

[DET]

10. Good for You!

It does no good to coddle these people. And it does no good to try to reason with them. The only way they seem to learn is by feeling the pain that their votes are inflicting on the rest of us.

[Figarosmom]

11. Hope your cousin reflects on what you said

Instead of just getting angry that it's a no.

It's kinder than I would have been I think.

[LilElf70]

12. You just made my day.

Was worth the wait.

[Aussie105]

13. No need to get nasty, surely?

Any request for money from relatives who I feel don't deserve it, gets met with stony silence.
Sometimes silence sends a strong message . . .

But it is a bit harsh.
Let's be honest, everyone assumed that:
1. The government exists for the people it is meant to serve.
2. Any benefits you have currently from government activity is sacrosanct, carved in stone, guaranteed forever.
3. There are 'people' out there freeloading off the government, and any crackdown is a 'good thing'.
(And of course you aren't one of them, right?)

Trump and his cabal of Pure Evil has turned all those things on its head, and it is FO part of the FAFO process.

I applaud people smart enough to realize this was going to happen under Trump before it happened, and i feel sorry for those who didn't and are now in shock because it is happening

[FoxNewsSucks]

16. I didn't think it harsh at all.

Exactly what a maga dumbass needs to be told!

[Aussie105]

18. 'Needs to be told' falls on deaf ears.

'Working it out for yourself' tends to stick much better.

Hopefully devoted MAGAts will work out the current situation for themselves and avoid the same thing next time they vote.

[Meadowoak]

31. No, they never learn. They'll double down instead.

[Skittles]

32. well they won't WORK IT OUT FOR THEMSELVES if you keep bailing them out

let them see the consequences of their actions

[FoxNewsSucks]

33. Really??????

Well, when it comes to MAGAts, you can hope in one hand and shit in the other hand. See which fills up first.

Jesus..............

[Skittles]

28. hard to feel sorry for people who wished misfortune on others

but are boo hooing now because it affects THEM

UGH

[not fooled]

42. Nope.

Maybe in 2016, but by now they've had ample evidence that red don and his cabal were out to do what they're doing now. These people CHOSE to ignore the overwhelming historical record and documented plans if red don got back in the WH, let alone with both houses of Congress.

[cab67]

71. Stony silence doesn't really work with this particular cousin

[purple_haze]

17. I would never turn my back on family, ever.

[ImNotGod]

22. I've turned my back on tRumpster family, forever. I may be forced to live in a shithole fascist country but luckily I

can still pick and choose who I associate with.

[FoxNewsSucks]

35. Same here.

Fuck them and their hypocrisy.

[Meadowoak]

38. I wouldn't either, but voting Trump is just a deal breaker

For me. I lost two family members over it. And I'm fine with it. Both of them would be also calling me for help down the road, when things get bad. I've deleted them from Facebook and changed my phone number.

[Joinfortmill]

58. It's a difficult choice. But these are not normal times.

Think Nazi Germany. We're in fascist land.

[cab67]

86. You're lucky to live in a family where that's a reasonable expectation .

Or even an option.

At a certain point, self-preservation has to become a factor. I can keep giving someone money, only to see that money used unwisely and be asked again and again for yet more money, eventually finding myself in a financial hole when my car breaks down or my kid ends up in the hospital; or I can make sure my needs, and those of my wife and child, are met. My wife and i can make sure we can deal with emergencies as they arise, and that's hard to do when any surplus we have - and we're not swimming in money - is reserved for times of need.

And we can avoid being told we're the ones making bad life choices by working as trained scientists at universities and thinking we're all in this together by someone who's not really trying to be self-reliant. (It would be one thing if this person had medical conditions that kept her from working, or if she just lost her job. But that's not what we're dealing with.). She actually told me that, now that NSF funding is going to be a lot harder to obtain, that I should just switch careers. At 58.

I have friends who've had to cut off contact with parents and siblings. No one ever wants to do this. Every one of them has spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with their decisions - there's always the background fear that one has acted selfishly or callously, when they were simply trying to keep their own lives stable in the face of toxicity. Sometimes, it's hard to help someone when they keep trying to drag you down every time you offer it.

I'm not actually cutting off contact with this cousin. I'm simply telling her that I've hit the end of my willingness and ability to subsidize what she should be subsidizing herself. And I'm telling her that she played a role in enabling the Medicaid cuts she may encounter.

[Emile]

34. Righteous K & R

[FuzzyRabbit]

39. I might have added

that to start fixing things, next election don't vote for people who are destroying things, vote for people who will fix things -- vote for democrats.

[usonian]

43. FAFO flags for anyone to copy.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100219770873


They all thought he was joking! He's the joker, allright.

[Dem4life1970]

44. F.A.F.O. K & R

It's like Trumpers are similar to fentanyl addicts. They want us to support their habit when they know it's bad for them and bad for everyone else. Well, we're not. We're done. Bail yourself out. I hate to be cold but sometimes you have to go cold turkey with certain people.

[Abolishinist]

46. So well written, almost makes me wish I had a MAGAt family member

just so I could send this to them! Fortunately I don't... they're all sane.

[Grumpy Old Woman]

49. That just sounds mean

Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot - suppose you asked your rich uncle for help but he wouldn't help you because you are a Democrat?

I had the experience recently of having someone stop talking to me after they found out I took part in a "No Kings" protest -It is confusing to mw because i'm still the same person I've always been and share a lot of other interests with this person. Their loss, I guess.

You are hating on this person simply because you think she voted for the wrong person. That's silly, but it is also sad, because this kind of behavior is what is tearing our country apart.

[Doodley]

52. Agreed. And then to post it on a public forum? Really? Is this something to boast about?

[GoneOffShore]

53. It gives other people courage to shed those toxic family members.

[Attilatheblond]

79. THIS! times 1000

[cab67]

73. I'm not boasting.

I'm sharing a situation I actually find very distressing. But it reflects the times we live in.

Since the 1980's those on the political right have been encouraged not only to oppose our ideas, but to view us as un-American enemies. It started with AM talk radio, then to cable news, and then to the internet and social media. It's getting worse.

I wasn't even remotely happy to send this particular email. But at a certain point, a line has to be drawn. Family disputes over money probably date back to when "money" was parts of the animal you just speared, and family disputes over politics may be even older than that. But this is different - a lot of people have been bamboozled into voting against their own interests. I've tried for decades to help these people understand this, but their movement is now a cult more than a political party, and they're immune to advice.

Efforts to create dialogue are almost guaranteed to fail. I've seen this in the few students in my classes who've asked why I keep teaching "hoaxes" like climate change and evolution; being polite, trying to be sympathetic, and calmly explaining the evidence might have worked 15 or 20 years ago, but not so much now. These days, I'm likely to be accused of arrogance and condescension (or, as one student put it in an after-term evaluation, "arrogance and condensation" ) and not acknowledged for efforts to engage and explain.

So, no - no boast here. Only regret.

[Skittles]

54. LOL

what is MEAN is voting for a POS who does REAL DAMAGE to SO MANY PEOPLE

these people were FINE with him hurting THOSE PEOPLE but they're up in arms when the harm comes to THEM

AND THEY disgraced America and tore it apart, NOT US

[Joinfortmill]

57. Respectfully disagree..

This is not about voting for a Democrat vs, a Republican. This is about voting for a fascist, an anti-democratic demigod, who told us what he was going to do. This is very much like Hitler, who built the concentration camps and began rounding up everyone he considered non Aryan. Trump is just persecuting another type of 'other'.

[cab67]

67. I've helped her financially many times in the past.

Like I said - she has a history of poor fiscal behavior. Give her financial assistance, and she's liable to ask again in a few days because she squandered it on something that's both unnecessary and unrelated to the reason she asked in the first place.

I'm not hating her. I'm asking her to deal with the consequences of her actions for once.

[PatSeg]

76. I don't think it is mean

And it isn't just about politics, it is about accountability and morality. Clearly there was a history of her reaching out to relatives when in need, but when she supported Trump, she did not take into account the repercussions of her vote for others, not just herself.

Our actions have consequences and though many mistakes can be overlooked, there comes a time when it is one mistake too many, especially when it hurts countless people. Would she show understanding and support to the millions of other people who may lose their health coverage?

Meanwhile, she didn't just vote for the "wrong person", she voted for the one who could bring down our democracy. That goes way beyond petty political preferences. It isn't about voting for Bush or McCain or Romney. It is about voting for a tyrant who is trying to destroy our way of life for power and petty revenge. Anyone who voted for him is an accomplice.

[Dan]

98. I read the original post and nowhere did he indicate that he hated that person....

From my understanding, he basically said - in life you make choices and sometimes, you have to live with those choices.

[BurnDoubt]

50. I remember when the #1 tune in the Republican Hymnal was:

"It's all about Choices!"
They can Suck On That!

[Doodley]

51. Nasty.

[Skittles]

55. yes, VERY nasty voting for Donald Fucking Trump

they DISGRACED America

[Joinfortmill]

56. Wow. Needed to be said.

[Paladin]

60. Outstanding. Should be used as a template by the rest of us in dealing with MAGA relations.

trump's goons have declared war on us---they deserve the same in return.

[mdbl]

61. Very eloquent.

I have cut ties to any magats in my family without statement to them. Of course, no one has asked me for anything but I'll use your response as an example if they do.

[Littlered]

64. Reading stuff like this

Leaves me dismayed. I’m not sure what to think these days. Many of our party have turned their backs on people because of their voting preference. Yet they support terrorist organizations and people that flat out don’t believe in human rights. Not to mention many would also put those that are undocumented ahead of their fellow countrymen. After 45 years of being a solid, guaranteed donation, door knocker, and vote. I feel my days as a Democrat are coming to an end. I truly don’t recognize what this party is becoming.

[cab67]

68. Please note -

as I indicated, this is someone with a long history of making really bad decisions with money. We've all helped her repeatedly for many, many years. Her voting preference is one factor, but it's not the only one.

[Littlered]

85. I can totally relate to that.

I’m sorry this has happened to you, it’s emotionally draining. Especially for those of us with conscience and a natural soft spot for others.

I have a step son that fell into that trap. Eventually we had to let them fail. It’s hard to do. But sometimes that is what it takes to shock someone back to reality. I’m happy to report that the tough love has seemingly worked. He’s been as productive as anyone. Staying out of trouble and is back in the “circle of trust”.

[Arazi]

72. The MAGAts in my life are rude and obnoxious in their support of Traitor

Why is it so important to you that I keep people like that in my life?

Which Dems are “supporting terrorists”? Which Dems “don’t believe in human rights”?

How are Dems putting the “undocumented ahead of fellow countryman”?

Be specific.

[Attilatheblond]

81. OP was not just addressing 'voting preference' but a life of mooching but never changing behavior

Bad choices? Yeah, we all make them from time to time. Constantly expecting family to give one money while never addressing the need to change one's behavior is the root problem and the OP addressed that reality.

I maintain my opinion that this nation would be well served if everybody went to some Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings and took the lessons to heart. We don't 'fix stupid' by allowing stupid to keep surviving doing the same ol stupid year after year.

[BoomaofBandM]

66. We all need to fight what is going on in whatever way we can.

Otherwise we are enablers. I have the luxury of time to research where businesses and individuals stand on trump and co. It is my personal choice to avoid as much as possible people or businesses who support trump and co. It may be a business, it may be movies and books. Good on you for calling her out.

[ancianita]

84. Correct.

Doing and saying nothing is a free will choice. To see evil and do nothing is to enable it.
Those who do nothing cannot honestly claim they do not know evil when they see it.
One who does nothing in the face of evil (willful harm) wills to enable the consequences of evil -- the suffering of others.

From Edmund Burke: "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing."

[LPBBEAR]

70. Well written but.....

I doubt anyone who voted for Trump has the IQ to understand your eloquence.

I would have gone for something a bit more understandable to chin drooling halfwits who voted for Trump that was worded something like the following.

You voted for it, now live it dipshit. FOAD.

[dedl67]

74. At this point, communicating with these folks is probably useless

Let them stew in their own juices.

[tonekat]

75. I'm ready to send something like this

To my older sister's stupid nieces. I never talk to my nephew, he's a zero. They were all indoctrinated by their late father with his 6th grade education to believe Dems take your money and give it to...horrors...people that aren't white! They are all racists.

I'm through with them. They are throwing a surprise birthday party for my older sister who will turn 80 this month. I'll go to that and behave myself, but will tell the one that's my god daughter that she knows damn well I'm a federal employee and trans, and she and her sibs hurt me and I want nothing to do with them going forward. We have nothing in common anyway, and I have no strong bond with my sister as she is 9 years older than me.

[Attilatheblond]

78. Adult child of an alcoholic here and I have long thought the entire nation needs to attend CODA meetings

You took the proper stand and I applaud your action of cutting this abusive person off.

My dad was part of a large family. Throw in all the spouses and cousins, their spouses & kids after a few years, and it's a VERY large family. My dad went thru every damn one of them, mooching, telling tales of woe, woe he created and that affected his wife and us kids in ways I am still coming to understand at 71+ years of age.

Enabling a chronic screw up and abuser is NOT helpful, as you pointed out. I am in your corner 100% on this one.

Decades ago, I wrote a poem for my dad. The gist was that "the other guy's arm is only so long and you need to stop wallowing in mud, expecting others to constantly rescue you."

When he called out of the blue, years after I accepted the reality that I had to cut him completely out of my life in order to save myself, I knew the man had finally run out of luck bamboozling every one else in the clan. When he was down to tracking me down and calling, I knew I was his last hope of grabbing money to get himself out of trouble. The answer was still NO. I was barely housed and keeping daughter fed, but I wouldn't have 'helped' him at that point even if I had been comfortably situated. People giving him 'help' decade after decade just reinforced his delusion that he wasn't at least partly responsibility for how his life was going.

He died not long after that unwanted call, and I do not feel the slightest remorse that I was the last wall he ran head first into. I am a kind, giving person, someone who usually has put the needs of others way beyond my own desperate needs, but I am not stupid. There was no fixing him and I watched too many others severely hurt, emotionally and financially, by him after they tried time after time.

You did what was necessary and proper. I wish more people would wake up and smell the dark, bitter coffee you finally saw was necessary to sip.

[Martin68]

80. Perfect letter to a MAGA with their hand out.

[Jay25]

82. Sounds good and on point, to me.

[OhioBack2Blue]

83. Thank you for replying to her like this....

Republicans call it "tough love" and swear by it. (AKA: Bootstrapping, rugged individualism)

When in Rome....

Bravo. Thank you.

[LauraInLA]

88. I don't blame you at all. Please let us know if she responds.

[stollen]

89. Hopefully, the rest of the family will

stop enabling. "Save you're money for my needs?" That takes a lot of gallery.

[Grokenstein]

91. "you knew this would happen, but assumed the rest of us would cover your losses"

The trumpnik in a nutshell. Watching the chaos with a bucket of popcorn while depending on the very people for whom they have nothing but contempt to keep them safe and even comfortable.

[Skittles]

93. the sheer audacity

of people who SCREAM about socialism but want others to pony up the bucks because of stuff THEY VOTED FOR

NASTY!

[PittBlue]

94. Brilliant.

People like her made choices that will cause all of us to suffer. You did the right thing.

[XanaDUer2]

95. You owe her nothing

Good for you

[SWBTATTReg]

96. Well written, CAB67. It's a shame that we all seem to have relatives in the woodwork that seem to be of this nature,

they get through life somehow w/o the hard trials of going to school, graduating, and then working day in, day out for decades to keep the heads of us and our loved ones in our immediate families above water, provide shelter, pay the bills, in short maintaining the discipline that we've all learned in life to take care of life's bills, and other 'gotchas'.

I've always grown-up w/ a saying, that in order for one to help others, one must make sure that they themselves are first fixed/in good shape, before helping others.

We all know this, that sometimes, helping people w/ money or funds doesn't help them, as they drink it away, do other stupid things w/ it instead of doing good for themselves. Sad, but true, and it pushes out the date that they will have to absolutely face when it all comes to an end, and finally make the serious, heavy-duty decisions that life calls for, e.g., work steady, save, don't waste money, etc.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

99. I feel ya. My MAGAt relatives are actually

doing quite well. Voting for Rs so they can amass more wealth--democracy, & human rights, etc be dammed.

If the tarrifs or some other moronic move by the regime ends up hurting their bottom line, they'll bitch about it, but will get by far better than most Americans.

I have lost the ability to spend any time with them for the sake of family fakery. I am worried sick about what's happening in this country and, while I was never good at it, I used to be capable of making small talk with the MAGAt members. Not anymore