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Rabid RFK Jr. Bites Foreign Dignitary
Published: July 18, 2025
WASHINGTON—In what may be their first apology issued for the behavior of a Cabinet member, White House officials reportedly apologized to a foreign dignitary Tuesday after the man was bitten by a rabid Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “Sorry, sorry, that’s just our health secretary—I don’t know what’s gotten into him!” senior aide Tasha Sturbridge said as Kennedy snarled and sank his teeth deep into the leg of Japanese envoy Haruto Tanaka, with eyewitnesses reporting a mixture of blood and frothed saliva ringing the secretary’s mouth as his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Bobby, let go. Let go! Someone throw him some of his favorite zebra meat so he’ll go for that instead. Mr. Tanaka, my apologies, but you should probably get that looked at. The secretary definitely isn’t up to date on his shots.” At press time, reports con- firmed rabies cases were sky- rocketing in the D.C. area after Kennedy bolted out an open door of the White House.
https://theonion.com/rabid-rfk-jr-bites-foreign-dignitary/
Satire, kinda sorta