I just "fired" my hairdresser.

[MIButterfly]

She's a Trumper through and through (I know, I know, what took me so long?). She seems to be a devout Christian which is totally baffling to me. She cuts hair for the homeless; she never speaks ill about anyone; she plays Christian music all the time; her life revolves around her church, etc. Aside from the Trump flags and posters she had around her place during the election, you'd never know who she supported politically.

I debated about this for a long time. We never talked politics although I always wondered how a devout Christian could possibly support the most un-Christian-like person that's ever been in the White House. I never asked her though.

I guess I was a wimp, but the events of the last few days have shown me that I cannot go on supporting her business. Either I stand up for what I believe in or I don't. I know it's a small thing, but it's something. It's kind of a big step for me. Having grown up in a family that was always screaming, yelling and fighting, I try very hard to be nonconfrontational.

I was still a wimp though. I notified her by text that I wouldn't be coming back, but I didn't say why. Baby steps........

[GreenWave]

1. They reject us so turnabout is fair play.

[ananda]

2. She needed someone white to worship... on earth.

And for some godawful reason she chose pedo-felon.

[MIButterfly]

5. I think it may be that she does what her husband

and her preacher tell her to do like "every God-fearing Christian woman should do." The man knows everything about everything and the little woman is supposed to just do what she's told without question.

What a life and some women willingly sign up for that. (Shudder).

[ananda]

7. Remember though, Jesus wasn't white.

White is everything to these people, including preachers.

[BaronChocula]

35. You can both be correct

Both the relevant racial bias and gender bias here arise from adherence to a toxic traditional patriarchy.

[Irish_Dem]

3. I feel the same way. Anyone who can support a ruthless brutal psychopath is not someone I can deal with.

I don't trust them or like them.

[ananda]

8. Agree.

I have nothing to do with them,
including relatives.

[Jill Hanson]

32. I agree!

I feel the exact same way. For me it’s a matter of values…it’s not what the right likes to say “we’re canceling” people. How can I have people in my life by choice who can turn the other way and support all the hatred and ugliness? With every day it just gets harder and harder. The last 5 days have made me sooo sad… It’s as though our country has lost both its heart and soul.

[a kennedy]

4. Proud of you.

[MIButterfly]

21. Thank you, a kennedy!

[snot]

6. Maybe it's too late, but

it seems to me that the client-hairdresser relationship can be a rare, pretty ideal situation for trying to spread a little enlightenment and build a little solidarity, if done the right way, since it's often a long-term relationship with regular if intermittent hours of friendly, relatively uninterrupted conversation. This is especially the case if, apart from her perhaps appalling opinions, you feel that she basically has a good heart.

Here's how I'd go about it (this is based on some training I did about how to have "safe conversations" about "race"-related matters).

I'd first try to be a GREAT listener to her. Try to be genuinely open and curious about her opinions, including asking about any personal experiences that she thinks helped form or are relevant to her beliefs. You don't have to agree with her views, but bend over backwards to make sure you really heard her on every level – ask if she can share any personal experiences that she thinks helped form or are relevant to her beliefs; and best to repeat her own words back to her verbatim, until she as well as you are sure you heard it right. I'd do that for several sessions, never mentioning my own views.

(Side note: most of the Occupy movement camps governed themselves via "General Assemblies" and direct democracy. In the General Assemblies, anyone could speak about their concerns. When the crowds became so large that the people in back could no longer hear the speaker, the camps adopted a "human megaphone" solution in which a speaker would pause after each sentence or phrase, the people in front would yell it out so that those behind them could hear it, then those people would yell it out for the people behind them, until even those in the far back had heard it; and only then would the speaker go on to the next sentence or phrase. The reason I mention this is that in doing this, particpants realized that simply having to repeat the exact words of the speaker had helped them to really take the speaker's words in, understand them, and connect with them in a deeper, fuller way, which then proved helpful in working together to find solutions.)

In the next phase, I'd look for the common ground with the hairdresser and try to focus on those areas. Stay away from discussing hot button wedge issues, of course, or particular solutions, and especially individual politicians, and just focus on the problems. What factors does she think are in play? What factors seem to complicate reaching a solution? And again, how have her own experiences seemed relevant? Let her understand that you do understand and that you do agree about what some of the problems are and even (hopefully) some of the contributing factors or complications.

I've found that many people on all sides are unhappy about affordability, inflation, the precarity of employment, the fact that it takes two or three jobs just to keep up with basic lifestyle, let alone save for retirement, the costs for housing, health care, and education, the various forms of legalized bribery of Congress and other officials (e.g., campaign donations, well-paid speeches, insider info re- stock trades, the revolving door into cushy jobs in regulated industries, etc.) that ensure that our representatives carry out the will of their biggest donors and ignore ours, the fact that so few Wall St. people are prosecuted for financial crimes such as those that caused the 2008 crash, the consolidation of media ownership to the point that 95% of traditional media worldwide are owned by 6 megacorps. that control nearly everything we see, our series of foreign wars that drain our economy and leave everyone but the MIC and oil cos. worse off than before, etc. etc.

After a few sessions of this, one might pick an area of some of the most common ground and ask her about what she thinks it might it would take to help the problem, taking all the relevant factors and complications into account. The same approach set out above should be applied in trying to discuss solutions; i.e., try to be a great listener and remain nonjudgmental, open, curious, collaborative.

You and she will never agree on everything; but the most important thing is to build a bridge, a meeting ground where each side knows they'll get a fair, nonjudgmental hearing, and where we can all agree to disagree on some things but not let that stop us from recognizing that we do in fact agree on some other things, and set about with genuine good will to try to work together to find creative, workable solutions other than those dictated to us by demigogues of whatever political stripe.

[lostnfound]

9. I agree, deprogramming starts somewhere... although the woman has scissors in her hands... nt

[Conjuay]

10. With all due respect,

I'd just let my hair grow out and wear a ponytail.
I will not deal with these people anymore.

[MIButterfly]

12. Ha! My hair is already long, but it's the covering of the gray I need a professional to do!

Damn gray! My father was prematurely gray and I have his hair. I've been fighting it for decades.

[Katinfl]

15. Let it go gray naturally.

You will save a lot of time and money. I could not in good conscience support a trumper. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[MIButterfly]

23. I would love to!

Maybe one of these days........

[snot]

13. I understand, sometimes it's necessary to cut truly toxic people off

in order to preserve one's own sanity!

And the process I described is clearly too time- and effort-consuming to be feasible with many people – one has to pick their battles. But the hairdresser situation might offer the right conditions.

[MIButterfly]

11. You raise some valid points but she's my hairdresser.

She's someone I pay for her services. She's not a close personal friend or family member. I have a few Trumpers in my family and even have a friend or two who I suspect voted for him. I get along with them famously and would never cut any of them off for that. That my choice.

The situation with my hairdresser is different. I give her money which goes to support a person and party I don't support and I have a right to choose where my money goes.

I've never had a hard time finding a hairdresser I liked. As long as she does what I ask her to and not what she wants to do, I'm good with her.

[Trueblue Texan]

14. I have more respect than you know for your making this decision.

I think the social situations are the hardest. I still debate with myself on friends I’ve distanced from because they are Trumpers. I simply miss them. I care about them, even though they’ve broken my heart. Nothing about this nightmare is easy. We do our best. I feel your pain for real.

[MIButterfly]

18. Thank you, Trueblue Texan.

It was not a decision I took lightly nor was it an easy one for me to make.

[Clouds Passing]

16. Sending good energy that you find a way better hairdesser soon!

[MIButterfly]

19. Thank you, Clouds Passing!

[Intractable]

17. A lot of Christians reflexively hate Democrats and liberals ...

... which could make them love Trump. Bet she loved GWBush, as well.

Hate is something taught and learned.

[MIButterfly]

20. A lot of Christians reflexively hate...

Doesn't that go against everything Jesus taught? The irony is not lost on me.

[a kennedy]

22. That and their crosses they wear......I just want to rip that off their gawd damn neck.

🤬 🤬 🤬

[Intractable]

27. It's been said before, "There's no hate quite like Christian love."

[sigh]

[Dan]

41. I was a young man when I was exposed to Christians...family, etc.,

And (I am speaking for myself) I truly began to understand the truth of that statement.

[jaymac]

24. Yeah but

No need to be pissy about it. Just don't use her. You are not a wimp. I don't frequent places if and because I've seen their advertising or heard their right wing jabber jabber.........but I don't feel the need to be a ridiculous in your face kinda guy. Got better things to do and better places to b e in.........drop her like a hot potato

[MIButterfly]

28. Thank you, jaymac.

[progree]

25. I strongly disagree with the first part of this -

I know it's a small thing, but it's something

I think it's a big thing, and good for you.

[MIButterfly]

29. Thank you, progree!

[Escape]

26. Saw this recently and saved it..

"It's so nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It's like the trash took itself out."

We don't need Trump people in our lives. At all. Ever again.

[MIButterfly]

30. Thank you, Escape!

[3Hotdogs]

31. Dunno. Here is describ woman whose community service is better than mine. She donates time to cut hair for the homeless.

Her behavior towards others is better than mine. I love gossip.... especially trash talk.

[MIButterfly]

33. That's what made it so difficult for me.

She seems to be a kind, decent person, but how can a kind, decent person support the likes of DJT? There's nothing kind or decent about him.

[applegrove]

34. Tell her. So she knows and understands the danger

of Trump dividing the country. There is more danger in her not knowing than in knowing.

[MIButterfly]

37. Actually, I ended up telling her.

After I told her I was going to look for another hairdresser, she wrote back asking me what was wrong with her service and how she could improve. I responded that it had nothing to do with her service, it was just that her political beliefs were the antithesis of mine and I could no longer support a business that supports Donald Trump. She said she was sorry to hear that and that I'm welcome back any time.

[3Hotdogs]

38. My head connects me to an article in yesterday's NYT. The wankers who were convicted for Jan 6,

can't understand why Trump or the FBI haven't prosecuted those responsible for stealing the election. They have their heads so far up their asses that all reality is lost on them.

People like Miller, who is evil and works to generate evil.... that is one thing, I have some sympathy for those who were snookered by Fox bullshit and don't realize it.

[johnnyplankton]

36. I'm sorry, I can't co-sign this

You said she was a good person who helped the homeless, and "We never talked politics." It's not like she was pushing her beliefs on you. There are a lot of people in my life (including family) who quietly support Trump. Some of them are much nicer and do more for others than my "progressive" friends. Just because someone is misguided (or maybe an idiot) isn't a reason to kick them to the curb, but I probably will take shit for this view.

[MIButterfly]

39. No shit for your view coming from me. You're entitled to your opinion.

I just felt I couldn't give any more money to someone who supports DJT after the events of the past few days. It was just a bridge too far for me.

She was my hairdresser. It was a professional relationship, but not a personal one. I get to choose where I spend my money and I don't live in Mayberry where there's only one hairdresser in town. It's not like I cut off my family or friends. I wouldn't do that nor do I judge those who do. Everybody has to do what's right for them (within reason, of course).

[johnnyplankton]

42. I absolutely respect that. And would probably do the same.

I just think some of our fellow DUers think that the only solution for dealing with Trumpers is to revile and shun them. I can't, even if they are idiots (unless they act on their baser instincts).

[MIButterfly]

43. Thank you, johnnyplankton!

[Wounded Bear]

40. Big things are often made up of thousands of little things coming together...nt

[LuckyCharms]

44. You did good.

[MIButterfly]

45. Thank you LuckyCharms!

[Mister Ed]

46. They must be shunned by all good people. n/t

[Jack Valentino]

47. TELL HER WHY!!!!!

Just my humble opinion. I fully understand why you might not feel comfortable doing so.

[MIButterfly]

48. I did tell her. See my response #37.

[Jack Valentino]

49. Thanks, I didn't make it that far down the thread... :)