Trump Boys Break Another Blender Attempting To Make Oil Out Of Charcoal

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Published:April 29, 2026

SATIRE

WASHINGTON—In an effort to reduce gas prices while “President Dad” worked to reopen “the Street of Hummus [sic],” Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly broke another blender Wednesday during an attempt to make oil out of charcoal. “Ugh, we made smoke instead of gas, but we’re getting close—I think we just need one more blender,” a soot-covered Donald Jr. said while dumping half a bag of Kingsford briquettes into a new pitcher.

“We need to add some water so it turns into gasoline. Start it on low before going to high. You’re not pushing the buttons hard enough! Something’s stuck at the bottom. I’m going to stick my hand in there, and you get stuff moving by pressing the pulse button. Come on, push the buttons better!” At press time, sources confirmed the Trump Boys were attempting to refine their homemade oil concoction by retrieving a cup of electricity from the wall outlet.

https://theonion.com/trump-boys-break-another-blender-attempting-to-make-oil-out-of-charcoal/