Borowitz Report's Traitor of the Week: Elise Stefanik

[FakeNoose]

Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/traitor-of-the-week-quisling-no-6-642 (for paid subscribers only)

If anyone has an archived (no paywall) link please post it below.

This week’s quisling is a very special one. Most traitors in this series won’t be punished until their tribunals, but this loathsome chameleon just suffered a karmic—and possibly career-ending—comeuppance.... A true quisling aids the enemy despite knowing better. For that reason, the term does not apply to someone like Tommy Tuberville, whose sentience approximates that of a garden gnome.

New York congresswoman Elise Stefanik, on the other hand, is a Harvard graduate—and so, like other Ivy League-educated quislings such as Ron DeSantis and Ted Cruz, she won’t be able to claim ignorance as a defense during her eventual tribunal. Stefanik actually began her congressional career as a moderate Republican noted for her willingness to collaborate on bipartisan legislation. She’s still a collaborator, of course, but in more of a Vichy way.

I’ve already charted Elise’s extreme MAGA makeover, but for those who’d rather not take a deep dive into Stefanik lore—and who can blame you—I’ll summarize. Like her fellow quislings Lindsey Graham and Marco Rubio, Stefanik was highly critical of Donald J. Trump when he first ran for president. ... But one month later, Trump won—including in her upstate New York district, which had gone for Obama twice. And so began her rapid devolution into a Donald Trump tribute act.

Fueled by insatiable opportunism, she labored hard to pass every Trumpian litmus test: promoting white supremacy, attacking Dr. Anthony Fauci, and referring to the formerly imprisoned January 6 rioters as “hostages.” After years of such performative insanity, Elise deserved a reward from her demented lord and master. And sure enough, last November, Trump nominated her to be US ambassador to the United Nations.

Trump’s selection of Stefanik, like his appointment of Rep. Mike “Emoji” Waltz as national security advisor, was at best ill-advised, given that the Republican House majority is, to borrow an adjective from Stormy Daniels, tiny. ... Still, Elise’s UN nomination remained on track—until this week, when an obscure Pennsylvania state senate election rendered all of her calculated craziness for nought.

On Tuesday, Democrat James Malone prevailed in a district that Trump had won in November by 15 points and that the Democrats hadn’t taken in decades. This stunning upset gave the Republicans a scare they hadn’t felt since the publication of Matt Gaetz’s Venmo payments. Compounding their terror: polling that showed a surprisingly tight race for the House seat in Florida vacated by none other than Mike Waltz. Frowny face emoji!

With his party’s majority threatening to vanish faster than the value of Tesla stock, Trump unceremoniously withdrew Stefanik’s UN nomination. After an interminable and cringeworthy victory lap on social media, the freshly humiliated toady must now slink back to crummy old Congress, shorn of committee assignments and staff. The cosmic justice of this outcome is enough to rattle even the staunchest atheist.

Poor Elise! She spent the past eight years strenuously embracing evil and came up empty. But should she really be surprised? With Donald Trump, loyalty has always been a one-way street. Her fellow quisling Rudy Giuliani could’ve told her that.

- more at link (paid subscribers only) -

Excerpted from Borowitz's Sunday Read column, which is his longer, non-satirical essay once per week.

Here's one way to put it ... Elise Stefanik got Chumped!

[SheltieLover]

1. She should switch to independent & caucus with Dems

[FakeNoose]

2. Yeah, maybe she will now

Who knows?

[SheltieLover]

3. Hope springs eternal.

I would. But I would never align myself with shitbag repukes.