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The Borowitz Report: The Best Thing That Happened in 2025
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/the-best-news-of-2025
The holiday season offers many reasons to celebrate: Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, to name just three. This year, however, I am celebrating a joyous event that eclipses all others: the unexpected but much-wished-for departure of Rep. Elise Stefanik from politics.
It’s enough to make even the most ardent atheist reconsider things.
Let me start by saying something nice about Elise Stefanik: She went to Harvard. Then again, so did the Unabomber. You might think it’s unfair to compare Stefanik to the Unabomber, and it is—to the Unabomber. For all his flaws, he was way more ideologically consistent than Stefanik.
There really are two Elise Stefaniks: Original Recipe and Extra Crazy.
Original Recipe Stefanik was first elected to Congress in 2014, when she was often referred to as a moderate Republican. Nowadays, “moderate Republican” means anyone to the left of Heinrich Himmler. But back then, before the extinction-level event known as Donald Trump, there were still some House Republicans who could pass as rational beings. Stefanik belonged to her party’s centrist Tuesday Group and was ranked by Georgetown’s Lugar Center as one of the House’s most bipartisan members. (At the time, she touted both distinctions; today, each has been deleted from her congressional website like an embarrassing ex cropped out of a profile pic.)
During the 2016 presidential campaign, Stefanik continued to exhibit signs of sanity. She supported the candidacy of someone with government experience — Ohio Governor John Kasich — and criticized the foreign policy “knowledge” of the former reality show host running against him. In October 2016, she said of Trump, “His statements regarding NATO, his statements regarding Putin, regarding some of the positions in regards to Iraq that he made, regarding the oil fields — I absolutely oppose those.”
But one month later, Trump won — including in her upstate New York district, which had gone for Obama twice. And so began the congresswoman’s rapid devolution into a Donald Trump tribute act.
- more at link -
It’s enough to make even the most ardent atheist reconsider things.
Let me start by saying something nice about Elise Stefanik: She went to Harvard. Then again, so did the Unabomber. You might think it’s unfair to compare Stefanik to the Unabomber, and it is—to the Unabomber. For all his flaws, he was way more ideologically consistent than Stefanik.
There really are two Elise Stefaniks: Original Recipe and Extra Crazy.
Original Recipe Stefanik was first elected to Congress in 2014, when she was often referred to as a moderate Republican. Nowadays, “moderate Republican” means anyone to the left of Heinrich Himmler. But back then, before the extinction-level event known as Donald Trump, there were still some House Republicans who could pass as rational beings. Stefanik belonged to her party’s centrist Tuesday Group and was ranked by Georgetown’s Lugar Center as one of the House’s most bipartisan members. (At the time, she touted both distinctions; today, each has been deleted from her congressional website like an embarrassing ex cropped out of a profile pic.)
During the 2016 presidential campaign, Stefanik continued to exhibit signs of sanity. She supported the candidacy of someone with government experience — Ohio Governor John Kasich — and criticized the foreign policy “knowledge” of the former reality show host running against him. In October 2016, she said of Trump, “His statements regarding NATO, his statements regarding Putin, regarding some of the positions in regards to Iraq that he made, regarding the oil fields — I absolutely oppose those.”
But one month later, Trump won — including in her upstate New York district, which had gone for Obama twice. And so began the congresswoman’s rapid devolution into a Donald Trump tribute act.
This is such a great write-up on the spinning-flop career of Elise Stefanik. Please read the rest on The Borowitz Report.
I particularly love Andy's descriptions of all the about-faces she did once Chump was installed in the White House... to the detriment of her own voters in Upstate New York. Stefanik finally has learned the value of a Chump "endorsement" - it's not only completely worthless but also totally unreliable.
9 replies
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"the charisma of a damp dish rag", but I felt it was a bit too understated. 
