The "No Solicitors" sign at my front door doesn't always work. So I have a new scheme that does.

[Aristus]

I put up the sign about a year ago, and the number of missionaries and door-to-door would-be contractors knocking on my door or ringing the bell has dropped significantly. But it's not foolproof. Until now.

I heard a knock at the front door a few minutes ago. I went to the door and looked through the side window. Two very nicely dressed young ladies carrying flyers in their arms. Nothing stops the evangelical/pentacostal/charismatic/spirit-filled/bible-believing et cetera, et ceteras. When they saw me through the window, they smiled at me. I tapped the glass and then pointed to the "No Solicitors" sign. They smiled again, shrugged, and walked away. Finally. A way to get rid of them without having to open the door, smile politely at their sales pitch, try several times to say 'Not interested' in a non-confrontational manner, and finally, if necessary, close the door without further ceremony.

I hate it when the door-to-door types make me feel like the bad guy. No one asked them to knock on my door.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

1. LOL

We were plagued by Jehovah’s Witnesses freakin’ early every Saturday morning. A minivan would park on our street and they’d fan out and attack every doorbell.

It wasn’t until my daughter finally answered the door in disgust and told them they were welcome to come back that night as we’d be dancing nekkid around the bonfire for the full moon.

They bolted and we were never bothered by them again.

Note: This likely won’t work against political solicitors, especially if you send your daughter to carry it out.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

19. My mum's approach

… was to greet them at the door with a catholic pamphlet in hand, insisting she would only take theirs if they read hers. They ran and never returned.

[Raven]

22. That's exactly what I do. Works like a charm. BTW, I haven't been to church in years.

[Midnight Writer]

30. Yep, I keep a stack of religious tracts by my front door.

My go-to, that is very effective, is to say I am very busy right now, but give me your address and I will stop by your house, uninvited and unexpected, at my convenience to discuss religion. I have never had a taker on that one.

[Norrrm]

36. Yep! Have you noticed that those who want to share their religion with you do no not want to share yours?

[OldBaldy1701E]

21. So, many years ago I was working at a theater that had their own apartments.

I was home one day when I saw them coming up the walkway. I have zero interest in dealing with such people, and wanted to make sure they did not bother anyone in the complex again. So, I hatched a quick plan.

They came to the door and knocked. I opened the door holding a huge knife that I had covered with cherry syrup (really looks like Hollywood blood) and had it smeared on my shirt. I grinned and said, "OH hey! You are just in time for the sacrifice!"

They lost little time in leaving.

[3catwoman3]

27. Oh, damn, I would have paid to see that.

This whole thread has me LMAO -

[OldBaldy1701E]

37. Well, I lost the shirt.

The stain would not come out.

[3catwoman3]

38. When they were about 8-9, our now-32 yr old younger son and his buddies wanted to...

...make a movie, and they needed blood for it. There was a nearby business that rented costumes of all kinds, and sold theatrical props and makeup, so off we went. The proprietor asked what kind of blood we wanted - blood that would clot, spatter, smear, drip, spray, etc. I had no idea there were so many choices.

[Ocelot II]

2. Some years ago we were regularly afflicted with Mormons.

You can see them coming a ways off - it's always two young men wearing white short-sleeved shirts and carrying books. One warm Saturday afternoon we were doing some housework in the living room with the front door open and only the screen door closed. Too late, we saw the Mormons coming up the sidewalk and all we could do is drop to the floor just to the side of the screen door so they couldn't see us. We lay on the floor motionless, stifling our laughter, as they rang the doorbell, waited, rang again, waited some more and finally went away although they must have known we were home because the door was open. Door-to-door religious proselytization must get one used to rejection, but Mormons are seriously weird and very hard to get rid of. I don't think we ever got Mormons again after that.

[Aristus]

5. There's probably nowhere else in the world that Mormonism could have gotten started.

I'm still amazed how many there are around the world, since it does seem so unmistakably American.

The persistence. The performative friendliness. The sales-quota approach to spreading the word. The King James Bible fan-boy approach to the creation of their alarmingly poorly-written holy text. The reactionary insistence on dictated gender roles. The rugged individualist concept of "everyone gets their own Heaven". What other country in the world could have incubated this laughably banal religion?

[Ocelot II]

8. Even though they no longer officially allow polygamy, the idea

of having a submissive wife and, even better, your very own planet (the cosmology of Mormonism is every bit as weird as that of Scientology) is probably quite appealing to some incel-adjacent men everywhere. But I think you're right that it could only have been invented here, by a snake-oil salesman like Joseph Smith - the nineteenth century's version of L. Ron Hubbard.

[JoseBalow]

14. Mormons

(0:47)

[cksmithy]

18. We live down the street from a community college and the mormon seminary school, and boarding room.

They were always stopping by, more than once a year. We have lived here for over 40 years. The last time they came by, 4-5 five years ago, I was working in the front yard and they asked if I wanted to learn about Jesus or something, I said, "No thank you," and turned my back to them. They responded "God bless you." I replied, "And may the Goddess bless you." Their jaws dropped to their chests, very funny look on their faces. Anyway, they have not come back since then. Yes Mormons are seriously weird, my parents became Mormons when I was a teenager. I never accepted it and, I was basically shunned, ostracized by my own family because they all accepted it. Both of my sisters eventually left the church but all 3 brothers are still Mormons. My parents are now in their Mormon heaven, and the church does believe polygamy exists in Mormon heaven.

[rsdsharp]

3. When I was in college, one of my best friends somehow got trapped in his dorm room with a couple

of Seventh Day Adventists. I grabbed a six pack, the latest Playboy, and sprang to his rescue. It was amazing how fast the visitors vacated his room.

[yellowdogintexas]

4. Best No Soliciting sign ever:

https://photos.fife.usercontent.google.com/pw/AP1GczPP5JxE54agOVgcKfS7sezX-0Z-BKPRGNgpkWYpZYZyLFcloAix_lds0Q=w1920-h864-s-no-gm?authuser=0


I tried to copy and paste this but no luck

[LearnedHand]

32. Nothing shows up?

[yellowdogintexas]

43. I just clicked on the link and it came up just fine

Wonder what happened

[SWBTATTReg]

6. Well, your approach is a good one, it worked. Mine is that I open the main door, leaving the storm door closed and

locked, and w/o saying a word, I close the door back w/o saying a single word. Why in the hell should I waste my energy explaining myself? So, I clearly show them I see them, but then I close the door on them very quickly, w/o them getting to say a single word.

[DBoon]

7. I accidently found out a way to get rid of religious solicitors very quicky

Answer the door while fresh out of the shower, wearing only a towel wrapped around your waist

[mitch96]

9. Years ago my neighbor would use a hand held boat horn. When they talk he would blast the horn...nt

[LogDog75]

10. A buddy of mine had a good way to get rid of the door-to-door religionstas

When he answered the door and the people wanted to talk to him about Jesus or their he'd tell them he'd give them on hour to say or do anything they want without interruption. The next hour he would say and do anything he'd want to do without them interrupting him. He also told them he and they would have to be naked when they entered his home. No one ever took him up on his offer and they never returned.

[Phentex]

11. I take a rottweiler to the door

and sometimes open the door just a crack.

Right now I only have a rottie pup but she's getting bigger every day and I'm sure she will want to do her job soon.

[intrepidity]

12. Here's another approach

(currently streaming on MAX)

[underpants]

13. Have you thought much about installing a sprinkler system?

We can send someone over to give our liters and conduct a tediously long survey of the property. Two people - one to show you how professional their survey is and one to continually sell at you.

[GreenWave]

15. I had a big as a wolf black german shepherd.

He liked to sniff people with his nose way too close where the sun doesn't shine. This worked!

[Americanme]

16. I used to have this sign at my front door.

[Wounded Bear]

17. You want the sign to read...

I shoot every third solicitor and the second one just left.

[LuckyLib]

20. Our front door ceramic sign: "No solicitors, religious

or otherwise. We are happy just the way we are. If that changes, we’ll call you.”

[some_of_us_are_sane]

24. Excellent!

I have to try that!

One night many years ago, at 9:30 pm there was a knock at the back door. Alarmed, I said, "WHO IS IT?"

"Jehovah Witness" was the reply.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!", I yelled through the door. "IT'S 9:30 AT NIGHT!!!!

[Norrrm]

34. My gf went to a local Methodist church and gave our phone number. Got a recorded message at 11:20 PM.

Not even a live person.

[hunter]

23. I just talk to them and they never come back.

The Mormons have never knocked on my door. Perhaps our family is blacklisted.

The only religion my Wild West great grandparents had in common was that they were "Not Mormons," even those who started that way. One of my ancestors was a mail order bride to Salt Lake City from Scandinavia. The church recruited her and paid her passage. She didn't like sharing a husband with another woman so she ran off with a monogamous Army surveyor who was passing through town and they established a homestead. The Federal government was encouraging that sort of thing attempting to dilute the growing political power of the Latter Day Saints in the region.

That's just one of stories. One of my great grandmothers hated the Mormons with a fierce passion and was very outspoken about it, possibly to the point of encouraging the persecution of them. She did not want them in Montana.

My mom was baptized Lutheran but heavily influenced by the rest of her "Not Mormon" family and community she was converting to Catholicism when she encountered a hard drinking, chain smoking, and worst of all, a leering Priest who sent her flailing wildly into the arms of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I was raised as a Witness until the fourth grade when my mom got kicked out of their Kingdom Hall because she couldn't stay out of politics. She was a pacifist, as the Witnesses are, but she liked participating in anti-war protests and didn't mind if she was on television or in the newspapers. Then we were Quakers. My mom was a huge fan of Daniel Berrigan.

One of my extended family's favorite pastimes is fighting about religion and we always come back for more. If you can't stand that kind of heat don't knock on my door.

I have no problem telling other solicitors to go away and never come back. Why would I hide behind a sign?

The most recent plague of solicitors was the solar salesmen. I've had to be quite harsh with some of them, even the idealistic young newbies who may not yet know how sketchy the companies they work for are.

[True Dough]

25. Let's say the solicitor

is selling Belgian ale door to door. Are you gonna open the door then?

[Aristus]

33. Yes.

And invite them to crack a few bottles together.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

26. The men running their church asked them to knock on your door. . . . nt

[WhiteTara]

28. I open the door, say" I've been bathed in the blood"

and close the door.

[cloudbase]

29. This works.

Every time.

[Grey5]

31. I just tell them

I don't believe in fairy tales, then close the door.

[Norrrm]

35. Do you have a business card?..... "No business card equals scam."

[Aristus]

40. That would entail opening the door and talking to them.

I put up the sign so I wouldn’t have to.

[3catwoman3]

39. This indirectly reminds me of something I used to do when we would get calls from a company...

...trying to sell 1/2 and whole sides of beef.

I would prevaricate and say, "You've reached a vegetarian household." Invariably, the caller would react with horror, hastily and profusely apologize, along the line of, "Oh, I'm so sorry to have bothered you," and promptly hang up.

You'd have thought that they'd reached a convent and were trying to sell them porn.

[LudwigPastorius]

41. People don't know what "Solicit" means.

The proselytizers assume it means "sell", so they don't think it applies to them.

[sakabatou]

42. "All solicitations will cost you $20 per minute"

I saw a sign like that somewhere.