What would you do if your SO was called a "lazy c*nt"?

[Kaleva]

Last night I got a call from my ex wife's son who still lives at home that when she was at work earlier, her boss called her a "lazy c*nt". She got upset and quit the job right there. Her son told me she was in bed and didn't want to talk to anyone but I talked to her this morning and she seemed to be upbeat but she just called again and was near tears.

This is the first job she's had in about 15 years as she has mental health problems. It wasn't much of a job but it was one we both thought she could handle and we thought she was lucky to get it given her past history. One of her tasks yesterday was to peel onions and put them in a container which she did but she didn't place the container where it normally goes as there was no room. Her boss came in, didn't see the container and said to her "Start peeling the onions you lazy c*nt".

I was so pissed about this when I heard it I wanted to go to the bosses home and mess him up good even if it meant me going to jail. But the ex has the vehicle so about all I could do was steam for awhile and then cool down. It's one thing for a boss to yell at an employee but quite another to use such words and he's well known for saying such things to his female employees. A number of whom quit because similar things were said to them.

I know enough about how this guy runs his business where I could take him down legally. But I'm going to leave what is to be done to the ex altough I will try to convince her that this kind of shit can't be tolerated.

[Fridays Child]

1. Any witnesses? That must violate workplace sexual harrassment laws and maybe even...

...hostile work environment rules. If she called him to discuss it, could she record the call and get him to admit to his words and behavior?

[Kaleva]

2. I do not know if there are any witnesses

We just talked briefly both times this morning and during the second conversation, she said she was going to bed. I told her she can call me anytime, come over to my place or she can come and get me.

[Behind the Aegis]

3. If he is the boss, then I assume there is no HR?

If this is the case, you can file a complaint with the BBB. What he did is inexcusable! I like the other poster's suggestion, getting him to admit it...BUT...you do have to know your state's laws in the matter of recording someone without his/her knowledge. To do so, is illegal in some states, in others, it isn't illegal, but it would never hold up in legal proceedings. Also, given what you have said about your ex, she would not be the best to get that 'confession' as it might really upset her again, and she doesn't need that aggravation. I am really happy that you are taking her feelings into consideration. I can understand where you are coming from because if someone had said that to my mother or my partner (even though he is male), I would be on the warpath!

[libodem]

4. EEOC

Should get involved. That is discrimination of the worst sort.

I found a book at my son's house and the C-word was the title. It's his SO's book. I didn't have time to read it. They said it was about empowerment. The word had other meanings at its origin apparently.

Hope she can shake off the feeling of being demeaned in that manner. I'd be suing for the counciling money, it will take, to restore her self esteem. Nobody wants to be called lazy, either.

[Major Nikon]

5. A hostile work environment requires severe and/or ongoing harrassment

...of a sexual nature. If this is a one time incident, my guess is it's going to be an uphill battle trying to establish that a one time sexual slur is severe enough to establish a prima facie case. I doubt an attorney would touch it on contingency unless there's more to the story.

She can always file an EEOC complaint without a lawyer. It may not get very far, but it might get to the investigation stage, which could be a royal pain in the ass for the employer, if nothing else.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

6. I wouldn't blame you if you did

The guy runs a restaurant? I'd go there ask to speak to him on the dining floor, and humiliate him in front of a full crowd.

She shouldn't have quit so fast, but of course, that's what that kind of language does. This piece of crap needs to be taken to the woodshed by the labor board.

[ElboRuum]

7. IANAL...

I am not a lawyer, but I'd probably think about consulting one.

Right now, she may be in a position to take legal action, especially if other women left under similar circumstances, hostile work environment and all.

[Warren DeMontague]

8. What everyone else in the thread said. Follow legal and employment recourse.

If there have been other incidents, get in touch with those people and find a lawyer. Work together. Lawsuit city.

[Kaleva]

9. Well, this amounted to not much of anything. She went back to work.

She's just not going to be working shifts when the boss is there.

Now I'm not all that happy with her.

Oh well. If I didn't have her and Meta here, my life would be quite dull.

[LeftofObama]

10. Maybe you should go to her work place when he's there.

Ask to speak to him privately and tell him if you ever hear of him doing that again, not only to your ex wife, but to anyone you will personally beat the living hell out of him. If he tries to make a big deal out of it just deny you ever said anything of the sort.

[Kaleva]

11. He's got his employees stuck between a rock and a hard place

They, including my ex, really need the money and jobs are scarce here so they either have to put up with it or quit and face very hard financial hardship. Some do pick the latter choice.

[Major Nikon]

12. She should keep notes on what he said and when he said it

...and whatever other sexual slurs he uses against anyone else. Really the best defense you have against this type of person is a notepad. Eventually they will provide enough rope to hang themselves.

[Kaleva]

13. That would be a good idea. I'll mention it to her.

[libodem]

14. good advice

[TreasonousBastard]

15. Lotsa decent advice here, and definitely hold off on the violence...

he'll be back in business abusing employees, your ex will be out of a job, and your life change in ways you don't want to imagine. Satisfaction from five minutes of ass kicking isn't worth the price.

Just for shits and giggles, what if he called her a lazy idiot? The effect is exactly the same with the only difference one word that could be considered sexist. From what you say about this guy, he seems not to care about that, but just shotgunning insults around. What does he call his male employees-- if he insults them the same way he's just a lowlife, but if he treats them better he does have a problem with the women working for him. Perhaps then a case could be made for workplace harassment.

It sucks that times are bad for the bottom of the employment pool. Nobody can just up and walk out on these assholes.

[Kaleva]

16. Yes, me going to his place to PPR his sorry ass would get me in a heap of trouble.

[lumberjack_jeff]

17. What would your ex-wife do if someone called you a lazy dick?

I read posts like this and I despair that equality is ever attainable. The expectation on all parties side that you are obliged to participate in a violent crime because the feelings of a woman for whom you consider yourself responsible were hurt.

The first step in equality is the realization that you're no more responsible for your sister than you are for your brother, and that the wellbeing of all is equally important.

Don't get me wrong, I get what you're saying because I'd have a similar reaction. But that instinctive reaction is inherently based on the idea that this is a personal insult to me, and that I have to protect my stuff. Equality must assume that she's a grownup, capable of conducting her own business, and that my involvement is that of a confidante.

[Macoy51]

18. She is your EX

Not to make light of the situation. However; as I understand it, she is your Ex, not your SO.......Why are you White Knighting her? Even to the point of possably going to jail over her hurt feelings. Who takes care of your child if your ex has a full breakdown and you are in prision?


Macoy

[MrSlayer]

19. If I were there? Probably beat the balls off the guy.

Though honestly, my wife would go fucking nuts on the guy and solve the problem before I had a chance to pile on.

If you can take him down legally, do it. He shouldn't get away with that shit.