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redqueen

(115,164 posts)
Sat Jan 14, 2012, 07:10 PM Jan 2012

"Chill out, dear.": An open letter to the New Age Dude

http://www.feminisms.org/4203/chill-out-dear-an-open-letter-to-the-new-age-dude/



(snip)

While many of us see red as soon as the New Age Dude starts talking about “all the beautiful women of the woooorld,” many women and men alike, somehow, fall for it. Maybe we’ve even fallen for it at one time or another, thinking, “Hey! He seems like a nice guy! He isn’t in a fraternity and he claims to be ‘sensitive.’ He says he loves women and hates Maxim. What a treat!” Unfortunately we often learn the hard way that this seemingly progressive, sensitive guy is a misogynist in disguise.

(snip)

In fact, if you do mention to him some fairly obvious, feminism 101 facts such as: we live in a patriarchy, or, it isn’t a compliment to talk only and obsessively about how “beautiful” women are (because, hey! Our end all be all isn’t that *squee!* you want to hump us), or that, just because you, as an individual have decided you have mysteriously escaped the white male privilege that all other white males experience (it’s the magic of the new age lobotomy! I’m not like other men! I’m above all that. And if you tell me differently I’ll probably call you a bitch.), it doesn’t make it so, the dude will attack.

He will likely engage in gaslighting, tell you to “calm down” or “relax” and then, possibly explain to you that actually it is YOU who is the sexist (see how that works? Twisty!) or the racist! HA. Bet you didn’t see that one coming! Because actually if you were really, truly, evolved like this New Age Dude you would get over all this systematic oppression crap and just relax and enjoy life (read: play nice and keep quiet unless you’re agreeing with him or showing him your boobs. Because that’s what forward-thinking ladies do).

(snip)

The rest of his response was a humorous romp through New Age Dude manipulation. He told me I was “shallow and sexist” for “only thinking about physical beauty” (because, you know, he was actually talking about women’s inner beauty, stupid) and that he didn’t only like “barbies” (dingdingdingding! He’s progressive ladiez!! Sometimes he likes women with real boobs! Swoon.), and finally, that if he is “not allowed to salute” women’s beauty, “then the world really is a sad place.”

(snip)


It was so hard trimming this down to just four paragraphs.

Enjoy!
16 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
"Chill out, dear.": An open letter to the New Age Dude (Original Post) redqueen Jan 2012 OP
Oh... MadrasT Jan 2012 #1
me, too. and yup. lol. nt seabeyond Jan 2012 #2
Isn't it great? redqueen Jan 2012 #7
Hahaha MadrasT Jan 2012 #3
Ha, I look forward to hearing the results. redqueen Jan 2012 #8
Upon first read, MadrasT Jan 2012 #12
Ah, the ever popular tone argument and the equally popular reminder redqueen Jan 2012 #13
At a dime per incident, I'm up to a couple bucks so far on this one... MadrasT Jan 2012 #14
LOL! redqueen Jan 2012 #15
May I add: Cherchez la Femme Jan 2012 #4
Ahahahahaha... MadrasT Jan 2012 #5
I could only get through the first minute before the laughter got too much and I gave up... Violet_Crumble Jan 2012 #6
Hah yes, I've seen that before. redqueen Jan 2012 #9
wow, can they spell "self-serving"? iverglas Jan 2012 #10
I didnt make it to the end rrneck Jan 2012 #11
thanks for posting- Tumbulu Feb 2012 #16

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
1. Oh...
Sun Jan 15, 2012, 09:29 AM
Jan 2012

...thank you!!!

I am involved in a *lot* of "New Age" type communities and I hear this crap all the freaking time from men who think they are "enlightened" and "sensitive". If anyone tries to challenge them on it, they get hostile and defensive and *smirk*. I sit there with my BP rising wanting to scream (and sometimes I do and then the fireworks start).

I am sending this article around.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wow does it ever hit the nail on the head. Dang.

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
3. Hahaha
Sun Jan 15, 2012, 11:24 AM
Jan 2012

I just mentioned this article to my decidedly "new agey" boyfriend on the phone, and he was incredulous, as if the ideas of "misogynistic" and "new age men" can't possibly overlap. (He doesn't have access to a computer right now, but I will ask him to read it the next time I see him... and then see what he thinks.)

Also posted it to a couple "new agey" discussion lists.

We'll see what happens.

I am so in love with this article...

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
12. Upon first read,
Thu Jan 19, 2012, 07:32 AM
Jan 2012

BF said he "couldn't get past the tone".

Am I nuts... or does that sound a whole lot like, um, "Chill out, dear"?

(That was an email, we haven't talked about it "live" yet.)

On the internet lists, a few women expressed huge appreciation. A couple folks felt obliged to rush in with the "but but but all men aren't that way" theme.

*sigh* this gets exhausting...

redqueen

(115,164 posts)
13. Ah, the ever popular tone argument and the equally popular reminder
Thu Jan 19, 2012, 10:34 AM
Jan 2012

that any time you discuss misogyny, you have to specifically state very emphatically that not all men are like that.

If we only got a dime for every time those tactics were used to try to avoid the point.

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
14. At a dime per incident, I'm up to a couple bucks so far on this one...
Thu Jan 19, 2012, 10:41 AM
Jan 2012

...almost enough for some eye shadow to pretty myself up for teh menz.

Excuse me while I run off to put on a dress to enhance my "feminine energy".

redqueen

(115,164 posts)
15. LOL!
Thu Jan 19, 2012, 10:59 AM
Jan 2012

Maybe once you look purty enough, your "power" over men will be sufficient that you can convince them to stop thinking of our looks as the most important thing about us.

Oh, wait...

Cherchez la Femme

(2,488 posts)
4. May I add:
Sun Jan 15, 2012, 06:36 PM
Jan 2012

Conscious Men Issue Fauxpology, Creep Us All Out.

http://www.feminisms.org/2332/conscious-men-issue-fauxpology-creep-us-all-out/

Saw this quite a while ago... they forgive us,
and forgive themselves!

All's even, all's over now....


Yeah.

Right.

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
5. Ahahahahaha...
Sun Jan 15, 2012, 08:35 PM
Jan 2012

...that video was making the rounds of my new agey circles a while back and was being lauded as something OH SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!11!1

Men I know actually emailed me links to it and posted it on their freaking Facebook pages. While the whole new age crew "liked" it all over the place.

I was completely creeped out by it.

And "feminine energy"? Don't even get me started on that one...

Violet_Crumble

(36,142 posts)
6. I could only get through the first minute before the laughter got too much and I gave up...
Mon Jan 16, 2012, 07:21 AM
Jan 2012

They were for real? OMG....

redqueen

(115,164 posts)
9. Hah yes, I've seen that before.
Mon Jan 16, 2012, 10:54 AM
Jan 2012

I don't know how many people that resonates with, but I can't imagine it's a very big number.

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
10. wow, can they spell "self-serving"?
Mon Jan 16, 2012, 11:02 AM
Jan 2012

It's about their stupid new-agey-ness, and women are the mere props. Talk about exploitation. I take their concern about as seriously as I take the concern expressed by gun militants about sexual violence against women.

I felt an urge to ask when they would like dinner to be served, and did they need their manifesto mimeographed.

rrneck

(17,671 posts)
11. I didnt make it to the end
Mon Jan 16, 2012, 12:39 PM
Jan 2012

but I did make it past "mullet boy". Was there a "please make checks payable" reminder at the end?

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