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seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 11:00 AM Dec 2011

2nd and 3rd wave feminism

Last edited Sun Dec 18, 2011, 03:03 PM - Edit history (1)

Third Wave feminists like Rebecca Walker and Shannon Liss (Cofounders of the Third Wave Direct Action Committee) completely disagree. Feminism has always been a struggle against patriarchy: the Second Wave fought against patriarchy embodied by political constraints while the Third struggled with patriarchy embodied by societal constraints and labels. These fights are all part of the same movement, even though they have different focuses. This is why I think the name “Third Wave” is a completely accurate title; this term both symbolizes the distinction of this feminist group from the Second Wave, as well as alludes to the shared underlying goals held by the Second and Third Waves.

The Third Wave called on women “to make feminism personal” thereby making feminism more universal and accessible. This made feminism a common denominator amongst different races, classes, and sexualities, which I believe sort of sealed up the cracks in Second Wave feminism. Even though this newer form feminism attempted to unify all women’s rights groups, there was growing tension between second and third wavers. Why was it that “sisterhood had suddenly become mother-daughterhood.”? Walker once said, “I think some of the older women have been a little threatened. It’s a fear about being somehow displaced.”

Evidently, society and politics have always been very much integrated. I think that if the second and third waver’s recognize their mutual dependence, then the women’s movement will be a lot stronger and even more effective because, as Lorde suggests, “Difference must not merely be tolerated, but seen as a fund of necessary polarities between which our creativity can spark like a dialect.”

http://www.wstudies.pitt.edu/blogs/aff8/mother-daughterhood

In Rebecca Walker’s “Becoming the Third Wave” she begins with a discussion on the Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill controversy in which Hill accused Thomas of sexually assaulting her. As Walker stated, women in the United States not backing up a fellow woman is disastrous for our future as women. If we cannot stick together, we will probably fail in our attempts to equalize our relationship as compared with that of men. Walker is a strong advocate for joining in a sisterhood that is the third wave, rather than referring to it as a group.

The idea of third wave feminism as a sisterhood is a recurring one which is mentioned in Astrid Henry’s “Solitary Sisterhood: Individualism Meets Collectivity in Feminism’s Third Wave” as well. In this chapter, Naomi Wolf claims, “true sisterhood can only be achieved by incorporating diversity into feminism (Henry, p. 89)de.” I agree with Walker in that we should each define feminism as it applies to each of us but overall I think that this true third wave of feminism should be a sisterhood rather than “the mother-daughter trope” that some young feminists are beginning to side with.

I believe that third wave feminism is a necessary and engaging form of feminism, one that could possibly solve equality differences sooner than past or other forms of feminism. I do believe that we should each define feminism for ourselves but finally I think that every woman should take some time to decide for herself if she will truly devote herself to the cause or watch as everything that has been worked for by our sisters past is taken from us before our very eyes.

http://feministvarieties.blogspot.com/2007/04/never-too-late-to-have-opinion-on-third.html

Third Wave feminism is a philosophy that emerged in the 1990s. Like all feminism, the Third Wave focuses on the economic, political, social, and personal empowerment of women. This newer form of feminism focuses more on the individual empowerment of women and less on activism. It celebrates women’s journeys to build meaningful identities in the complex contemporary world.

Characteristics of Third Wave Feminism
Third Wave feminism celebrates women’s multiple and sometimes contradictory identities in today’s world.
Third Wave feminists are encouraged to build their own identities from the available buffet, and to not worry if the items on their plate are not served together traditionally. Women can unapologetically celebrate a plate full of entrée choices like soccer mom, career woman, lover, wife, lesbian, activist, consumer, girly girl, tomboy, sweetheart, bitch, good girl, princess, or sex symbol.
Third Wave feminism encourages personal empowerment and action.
Third Wave feminists like to think of themselves as survivors, not victims.
Although Third Wave feminists do not reject political activism, the emphasis is more on using one’s personal empowerment as a starting point for societal change.
Third Wave feminism celebrates emotions and experiences that traditionally have been labelled as “unfeminine.” Women are invited to be angry, aggressive, and outspoken.
Third Wave feminism celebrates women’s sexuality and encourages women to explore sexual options and express themselves in whatever ways they feel comfortable. The double standard and titles like “slut” are discarded. The female characters from Sex and the City can be seen as Third Wave feminist icons who do not apologize for their sexual relationships and adventures.
Third Wave feminists celebrate diversity. The Women’s Liberation Movement often was criticized for focusing too narrowly on the experiences of middle-class, white, heterosexual women.
As is characteristics of Generation X and Generation Y, Third Wave feminists express themselves through popular culture and use it in their personal journeys to define identity. They look for women, images, and musicians who represent their own struggles. They also take ironic pleasure in outrageously sexist or sexualized representations, like Paris Hilton or reality shows like America’s Next Top Model.

Criticisms of Third Wave Feminism
The most common criticism of Third Wave feminism may be that it is not political enough. It is a highly individualistic philosophy that generally values personal empowerment over activism. For this reason, critics argue that Third Wave feminism is ill equipped to foster social change, and in fact may discourage women from become feminist activists.
Another common criticism of Third Wave feminism is that its focus on identity issues is not a universal concern. The ability to explore one’s identity is a privilege. Women who are concerned about feeding their children or surviving domestic violence cannot be bothered with‘finding themselves.”
Other critics argue that the Third Wave feminists do more damage than good by equating women’s sexuality with power. Critics argue that this kind of sexual empowerment is purely individual and does not lead to social change, and in fact promotes the sexualization of women.

http://naomi-rockler-gladen.suite101.com/third-wave-feminism-a20276

_________________________________________--

seems to me like once again, i am not a part of any group. i seem to be inbetween the boomer and x'er, not able to identify with either. and the same seems to be true with the 2nd and 3rd wave. an interesting place to sit, but then seems to be my life in all areas of life.

i am trying to understand the process of where we are today. i never identified as a feminist until moving to texas around a certain type man and the bushco years and cult like evolution psychology that has escalated the macho, dominant man. i have taken on the title of feminist because it has been made into a bad word of anti sex and the ruination of all of mankind.






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2nd and 3rd wave feminism (Original Post) seabeyond Dec 2011 OP
Yep, libodem Dec 2011 #1
i've always been a third wave feminist La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #2
i would have to agree. seabeyond Dec 2011 #3
i think the problem is that when people say "the whole" they very rarely mean it La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #4
when i say women as a whole, i am talking all women.... and girls. seabeyond Dec 2011 #5
i edited my response (not sure you read the whole thing) La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #6
thru out history and the human race, people have been able to look beyond self seabeyond Dec 2011 #7
its not about altruism. its about not-knowing and being blind to that La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #8
i don't agree with you. i think history would agree and disagree seabeyond Dec 2011 #9
A possibly illustrating anecdote iris27 Dec 2011 #11
i understand. where i disagree is an inability to understand. to get beyond. seabeyond Dec 2011 #12
I'm between you & seabeyond. CrispyQ Dec 2011 #34
thanks for this post. i agree with lack of empathy. or kindness. or nice. seabeyond Dec 2011 #35
A lot of people would be more compassionate if they could see things from a different perspective. CrispyQ Dec 2011 #36
I've never really identified with either 'wave'. I feel like the iris27 Dec 2011 #10
this is more my experience. nt seabeyond Dec 2011 #13
what would you have us do in the case of michelle duggar? La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #14
I don't think it's our place to interfere, redqueen Dec 2011 #15
i agree with you, and that's why i can see why a feminist may say that while La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #16
I admit I don't understand the differences very well. redqueen Dec 2011 #18
how i see it and how i see the difference is... seabeyond Dec 2011 #19
I don't think we should pretend that they are making feminist choices - that any choice made by iris27 Dec 2011 #20
ok. i see that. in your initial post it didnt read as though it was being celebrated as a choice La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #21
Yeah, looking back, "perfectly fine" was not the best descriptor for the iris27 Dec 2011 #22
i would disagree that this is because she is a third waver La Lioness Priyanka Dec 2011 #23
I don't know, she's not the only such person I've encountered, just the most out-there. It'd be iris27 Dec 2011 #24
I think that woman is confused. I don't think most 3rd wavers would agree with her stevenleser Dec 2011 #26
Third Waver LadyHawkAZ Dec 2011 #17
Feminism was my first introduction to politics. I am more drawn to 3rd wave thinking stevenleser Dec 2011 #25
i would appreciate hearing how you see 3rd waves. and on edit seabeyond Dec 2011 #27
I'm not sure I follow. stevenleser Dec 2011 #28
i asked how you see 3rd wave, because i am interested in different perspectives seabeyond Dec 2011 #29
A couple of things stevenleser Dec 2011 #30
thanks. i appreciate the discussion. from your original post seabeyond Dec 2011 #31
Sorry about the delay. I talk about third wave vs second wave here stevenleser Jan 2012 #49
that was a very frustrating thread. supposedly with people that are open to discussion seabeyond Jan 2012 #54
I was very disappointed that fellow DUers rated her according to her looks stevenleser Jan 2012 #56
but you do not want it for your daughter cause you know the inherent problems and issues with that. seabeyond Jan 2012 #59
The reasoning is different and goes to the heart of what constitutes Empowerment and Bias stevenleser Jan 2012 #62
in the thread was the issue of men rating a woman. that as my issue. until men started addressing seabeyond Jan 2012 #64
so really, the sex positive female is merely the pro porn woman? no wonder the men are into the 3rd seabeyond Jan 2012 #65
Why else would Gail Dines define third-wave "feminism" as being "all about capitulation." laconicsax Jan 2012 #66
that is what it feels like. nt seabeyond Jan 2012 #67
So, in your words, if a woman likes sex she is "all about capitulation"? stevenleser Jan 2012 #69
Umm...no. laconicsax Jan 2012 #70
No need, I read the entire thread. I knew exactly what I was saying and why. stevenleser Jan 2012 #72
Well, you clearly weren't responding to what I wrote, so it makes me wonder. laconicsax Jan 2012 #74
that is silly at best and dishonest at worst. so do you wonder seabeyond Jan 2012 #71
It's not dishonest. That poster said what they said. stevenleser Jan 2012 #73
i dont know what wave i am in, but going by the names i am called, guessing 2nd. and you would be seabeyond Jan 2012 #75
Wow. That is what you got from that link? stevenleser Jan 2012 #68
here's me in my bombazine dress iverglas Jan 2012 #87
how to use sexuality to get what you want at work. seabeyond Jan 2012 #63
No. I dont think third wavers would be in favor of that at all. stevenleser Jan 2012 #76
i dont know the other two, but i have liked everything i have heard from naomi wolf seabeyond Jan 2012 #77
I read that article when it came out. I'm a big fan of hers and have met and talked to her stevenleser Jan 2012 #78
you are premising womens argument to fit your perception of them. i have heard it many times in seabeyond Jan 2012 #79
Civil/Gender rights issues are moral issues too. Perhaps I didnt make that clear stevenleser Jan 2012 #80
we are talking rights not sex. i have always and consistently supported civil and gender rights seabeyond Jan 2012 #81
You tried to suggest that I felt that 2nd wavers were addressing porn as a moral issue stevenleser Jan 2012 #82
all she is basically saying is the younger generation. seabeyond Jan 2012 #83
Me too. Here is the bottom line and what I think is the way for second and third wavers to work stevenleser Jan 2012 #90
As long as women are treated as things... redqueen Jan 2012 #93
Is trying to force that philosophical point on people who dont agree worth alienating people who stevenleser Jan 2012 #94
the options provied seems to be stfu. and i think women have had enough of being told to stfu. seabeyond Jan 2012 #95
But a large group of women disagree with that. Are you telling the women who disagree to STFU? stevenleser Jan 2012 #96
pfff, they are not being told they are frigid. lol. you said seabeyond Jan 2012 #98
"if you want support for... then shut up about..." redqueen Jan 2012 #100
It's not a philosophical point. redqueen Jan 2012 #99
how do you iverglas Jan 2012 #101
100% committed to the equal treatment of GLBT people, regardless of anything said to seabeyond Jan 2012 #102
pft, Naomi Wolf iverglas Jan 2012 #88
try not changing the subject iverglas Jan 2012 #84
When you address the inconsistencies in your approach, I'll enter into a lengthy dialogue stevenleser Jan 2012 #85
why are you here? iverglas Jan 2012 #86
Why to sell Amway products, of course. stevenleser Jan 2012 #89
I know, I look young (lol) I'm a rather proud dad so, here she is stevenleser Jan 2012 #50
Wow, she's great, Steve Remember Me Jan 2012 #52
Thank you! I raised her to be able to kick butt academically, intellectually and physically. stevenleser Jan 2012 #53
wow steven, that is all kinds of awesome. it is wonderful seeing a girl do.... seabeyond Jan 2012 #55
She is off to College next year. That video helped land her the soccer scholarship she received stevenleser Jan 2012 #58
ahhhhh, lol. hey, that was clever of you. my son is a junior. seabeyond Jan 2012 #61
Whew! I hope that wasn't all in one conversation! Remember Me Dec 2011 #43
Thank you. See my #50 above. :-) stevenleser Jan 2012 #51
This was such a good article libodem Dec 2011 #32
i had to speak out a couple weeks ago. seabeyond Dec 2011 #33
Just a way to categorize starspunch78 Dec 2011 #37
welcome to du. nt seabeyond Dec 2011 #38
Thanks! starspunch78 Dec 2011 #42
Welcome to DU and thanks for kicking this thread! PeaceNikki Dec 2011 #39
Hello! starspunch78 Dec 2011 #41
No, actually, it wasn't Remember Me Dec 2011 #44
thank you for this post. as i say. i dont feel like i fit or even understand either. seabeyond Dec 2011 #45
Another K&R PhoenixAbove Dec 2011 #40
Speaking as a 2nd Waver, I think 3rd Wave, as described Remember Me Dec 2011 #46
"The personal is the political" means? seabeyond Dec 2011 #47
Okay, I will. Remember Me Dec 2011 #48
y'know, I guess I would just ask the "third wavers": iverglas Jan 2012 #57
So how's that working out for you then? seabeyond Jan 2012 #60
I'm Gen X, I think, which is why I can relate to one thing with that third wave... Violet_Crumble Jan 2012 #91
i dont get you... seabeyond Jan 2012 #92
I think "ironic" might be the key here ;) iverglas Jan 2012 #97
kicking. looking thru google for a particular third waver, i cant remember her name. seabeyond Dec 2013 #103
No problem kicking it here, sea. Gormy Cuss Dec 2013 #104
thank you woman... seabeyond Dec 2013 #105

libodem

(19,288 posts)
1. Yep,
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 02:59 PM
Dec 2011

Herding cats. We are each a little different with different sensibilities. Some of my best friend's are real bitches. Love them!

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
2. i've always been a third wave feminist
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 04:29 PM
Dec 2011

partly, because of my age. partly because i think intersectional policies/policies/views are necessary and more interesting

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
3. i would have to agree.
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 04:36 PM
Dec 2011

as i said, i have never been a part.... just what i live and see has been the influencing factors, until recently.

but i agree.

i can hear the division though, in this type perception. how it could work against the whole.

our conversation last night had me thinking, so this morning i did some reading. seeing how they particularly discussed the gay community and the 2nd wave felt gays caused movement harm, if my interpretation is correct.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
4. i think the problem is that when people say "the whole" they very rarely mean it
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 04:48 PM
Dec 2011

for instance when we say "xyz is harmful to women", sometimes its true for All women (rape/murder) and sometimes its true for your immediate category of women and not all women. when you suggest a cure to this, again sometime you may actually be talking about all women (rape laws) but sometimes you are talking about what would be helpful for women exactly like yourself.

i think we very rarely keep this in mind.

sex work is something i feel often falls into this category, but there are great essays written by black women and their particular problems with domestic violence & dv laws that started my thinking about intersectionality and that no analysis is complete without considerations like race/ethnicity/sec/sexual orientation/country etc.

its also important to keep in mind that if you are white and middle class in this country and a women, you have only one oppression to worry about. therefore you can feel like all women should bond together. however, the more oppressions i have, my in groups maybe different. my allegiance to the lgbt community will always outweigh my allegiance to straight women. my allegiance to the south asian immigrant lgbt community will outweigh my allegiance to the larger lgbt community. these are all things we should keep in mind, when talking about movements/issues/politics/whatever

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
5. when i say women as a whole, i am talking all women.... and girls.
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 04:51 PM
Dec 2011

i understood the issue with black women, and there different situations than other groups. i had a friend sit me down and explain differences in the two cultures when it came to genders. not to mention what i have read. and they were certainly left out of the 2nd wave. i think the women of that time recognize how they failed the AA community.

i think with the sex worker issue is where a lot of miscommunication and understanding happens. but, they too, are part of the whole.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
6. i edited my response (not sure you read the whole thing)
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 04:55 PM
Dec 2011

i think the problem with a lot of people speaking about sex work, is that the voice of sex-worker is almost never heard. its akin to men proposing all sort of solutions to women, without much if any input from women. there was a really interesting study released in india, about sex workers, and really put a dent in assumptions a lot of us make about sex workers in india.

i dont think you can talk about all women and all girls, because you dont necessarily share their other oppressions. you can only really meaningfully talk about your own and those of people like you. ( i dont mean you, per se, i mean one)


anyway, i have to go now. do some real work.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
7. thru out history and the human race, people have been able to look beyond self
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 05:22 PM
Dec 2011

and work to the betterment of the whole. altruism.

i believe in it.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
8. its not about altruism. its about not-knowing and being blind to that
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 06:01 PM
Dec 2011

i dont think white feminists are bad people who want to spite people of color at all. i think we dont often and cant often realize our own limitations and our privileges

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
9. i don't agree with you. i think history would agree and disagree
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 06:05 PM
Dec 2011

depending what part we look at. we can show where we are not capable. and we can show where without that understanding, progress would not happen.

so

here we are at a point, seeing the issue from two different perspectives.

that is fine.

iris27

(1,951 posts)
11. A possibly illustrating anecdote
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 07:19 PM
Dec 2011

(taken from a larger article - http://www.fjaz.com/kimmel.html)

A white woman and a black woman were discussing whether all women were, by definition, "Sisters," because they all had essentially the same experiences and because all women faced a common oppression by men. The white woman asserted that the fact that they were both women bonded them, in spite of racial differences. The black woman disagreed.

"When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, what do you see?" she asked.

"I see a woman," replied the white woman.

"That's precisely the problem," responded the black woman. "I see a black woman. To me, race is visible every day, because race is how I am not privileged in our culture. Race is invisible to you, because it's how you are privileged. It's why there will always be differences in our experience."

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
12. i understand. where i disagree is an inability to understand. to get beyond.
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 07:24 PM
Dec 2011

to be able to work for the benefit of all, even that we dont experience.

CrispyQ

(38,220 posts)
34. I'm between you & seabeyond.
Fri Dec 23, 2011, 08:27 PM
Dec 2011

Being aware of someone's less privileged circumstances, being compassionate & empathetic, could make for a kinder society overall, which could lessen inequality. However, it's still not the same as living it day to day.

Empathy does not seem to be considered a good character trait anymore.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
35. thanks for this post. i agree with lack of empathy. or kindness. or nice.
Fri Dec 23, 2011, 08:31 PM
Dec 2011

people equate that to doormat and that is not true.

that being said, there is empathy and the knowledge that one that has not experienced does not know. i agree with you. i want to clarify so all understand, that i know, i dont know, if i have not experienced it.

hence, the listening.

CrispyQ

(38,220 posts)
36. A lot of people would be more compassionate if they could see things from a different perspective.
Fri Dec 23, 2011, 08:52 PM
Dec 2011

I had to almost become homeless before I started to really think about what that life is like.

Before reading this thread I was one of those white middle class women that thought all women bond equally. Iris' anecdote
above - it struck a chord that hadn't been struck before. Ok, I'm sort of laughing, but also shaking my head at my naiveté on this, but it is this kind of 'change of perspective' moment I mean. So now when I go out into the world, I'm more aware of other women's circumstances.

Yes, listening. Very important! My grandma used to say that's why God gave you two ears & one mouth. I haven't thought of that one in years. ~lol.

iris27

(1,951 posts)
10. I've never really identified with either 'wave'. I feel like the
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 07:15 PM
Dec 2011

2nd wave lacked a focus on intersectionality...for example, fighting for the right of "women" to enter the workplace as though thousands of poor women/queer women/women of color hadn't been working for decades just to keep their children fed.

BUT..too many 3rd wave voices seem to want to boil feminism down to "whatever choice a woman wants to make is feminist!" without looking at the patriarchal forces behind it. I seriously got into an argument once with a self-identified 3rd-waver who said it was perfectly fine for Michelle Duggar to teach her daughters that MD's chosen life of domestic servitude was the correct and Biblical way...not because said 3rd waver agreed with it, of course, but because "that's her choice".

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
14. what would you have us do in the case of michelle duggar?
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 10:37 AM
Dec 2011

sure, i understand what she teaches her child is problematic, but how do you think feminists should handle how women raise their children? we have religious freedom in this country (thankfully), so in this particular instance what should feminists do? if an islamic mother teaches her daughter to wear a veil because its modest, is that not her choice? should we interfere?

i think laws should be created so that if one of md's children wanted to not live in servitude, or a girl not want to wear a veil, these are options that open to them and in this country these option are open to them. however, where in this situation should we interfere?




redqueen

(115,164 posts)
15. I don't think it's our place to interfere,
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 12:24 PM
Dec 2011

so much as educate.

Curricula which promotes egalitarianism as part of basic education in public schools, media and advertising which does the same, those are the best kinds of ways to reach children, IMO. And also IMO we shouldn't be stepping in and interfering with parenting absent some socially-agreed on form of abuse occurring in the home.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
16. i agree with you, and that's why i can see why a feminist may say that while
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 01:41 PM
Dec 2011

something is horrific to me, we still need to leave it alone.

i dont think that story is a fair criticism of third wave feminism. i am not saying third wave is perfect, just that that particular narrative doesn't explain problems in 3rd wave feminism.

redqueen

(115,164 posts)
18. I admit I don't understand the differences very well.
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 05:38 PM
Dec 2011

I just kinda play it by ear, and try to do the best I can to communicate and understand.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
19. how i see it and how i see the difference is...
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 05:44 PM
Dec 2011

everyone had their choices in all of life. not just women. free will. one can accept and be nonjudgmental in a persons choice. and one can be honest in conversation with repercussions, harm to self and the whole, reasons why people make these choices, AND understand that it is a persons choice.

it is when we dont have a conversation because we are promoting choice only. it is when we wrap choices up in a pretty bow to be supportive of choice without honesty, that there is a problem.

in my world, there are no good or bad.

but there is action/reaction.

keeping it real

not creating illusions.

iris27

(1,951 posts)
20. I don't think we should pretend that they are making feminist choices - that any choice made by
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 11:29 PM
Dec 2011

a woman is somehow a feminist act.

I'm not arguing that we should "do" anything in these cases, except NOT promote it as some sort of bizarro-through-the-looking-glass feminism.

Women make choices, and should be free to make those choices, but chosen servitude to males, or chosen forms of inequal gender-based modest dress, do not advance the idea that women are as fully human as men, and should not be celebrated as if they do.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
21. ok. i see that. in your initial post it didnt read as though it was being celebrated as a choice
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 11:30 PM
Dec 2011

just that it was a choice, and a choice that we can't interfere in.

iris27

(1,951 posts)
22. Yeah, looking back, "perfectly fine" was not the best descriptor for the
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 11:38 PM
Dec 2011

strange enthusiasm the woman I was arguing with had for Michelle Duggar.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
23. i would disagree that this is because she is a third waver
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 11:48 PM
Dec 2011

i think it maybe her particularly and not the movement per se

but yes, it is indeed pretty odd to celebrate the duggars

iris27

(1,951 posts)
24. I don't know, she's not the only such person I've encountered, just the most out-there. It'd be
Tue Dec 20, 2011, 12:11 AM
Dec 2011

quite a big jump to conclusions for me to extrapolate from one person's opinions to those of a whole movement.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
26. I think that woman is confused. I don't think most 3rd wavers would agree with her
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:36 PM
Dec 2011

I'll bet Rebecca Walker, for instance, would not celebrate any of the above mentioned choices.

LadyHawkAZ

(6,199 posts)
17. Third Waver
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 05:30 PM
Dec 2011

always, since before there was a Third Wave to be a part of. All power starts with the self, and spreads outward from there.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
25. Feminism was my first introduction to politics. I am more drawn to 3rd wave thinking
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:32 PM
Dec 2011

When I was 3 years old, and yes I am dating myself, mom took me door to door with her while she advocated for the ERA. I've been interested in politics ever since.

I've always supported women's issues and causes, planned parenthood, emilys list, etc. When a friend introduced me to 3rd wave thinking, it was like, aha, this makes so much sense. I've tried to pass 3rd wave thinking on to my daughter, who definitely does NOT have the politics bug. I think she spends more time living feminism than thinking about it, if that makes sense.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
27. i would appreciate hearing how you see 3rd waves. and on edit
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:39 PM
Dec 2011

her living her feminism is kinda the definition, so yea her, listening to you?

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
28. I'm not sure I follow.
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:51 PM
Dec 2011

Are you criticizing my attempt to expose my daughter to literature and the thinking of folks like Walker? Because, a father shouldnt do that in your opinion?

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
29. i asked how you see 3rd wave, because i am interested in different perspectives
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 01:17 PM
Dec 2011

and i really dont get it yet. so listening to people discuss it may help me to get it better. or see how people see it differently.

and how i perceive 3rd wave seems to be what your daughter has adopted. but, having stated my own uncertainty, i am not too sure. hence me asking in the first place

and having a conversation with your daughter about 3rd wave is a yea to me

a good thing

something i like seeing a father doing with a daughter.

excellent parenting in my view

a huge pat on the back, though parenting should not get a pat cause it is our job, i am doing it anyway

and since your daughter seems to be doing it her way, which seems to be 3rd wave, which is what you are discussing with her.... i thought maybe.... she may be listening to you

and i ALWAYS applaud the child that listens to parents.

it is all good in the bonding, unit, family, upbringing thing.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
30. A couple of things
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 01:49 PM
Dec 2011

First, I've bought her a number of feminist leaning books to read, most recently, on becoming Fearless by Arianna Huffington--> http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Fearless-Love-Work-Life/dp/B001Q3M79C . I was actually at an event where Arianna was speaking and got my daughter an autographed copy of the book.

Second, I made sure she learned public speaking, science, how to play sports, all of those things usually parents do for and encourage young boys to be involved in. She actually came in second in a county wide teen public speaking contest not long ago. She recently found out she has both an academic and sports scholarship to the college she will be attending in Fall of 2012.

I've had lots of conversations with her about sex and romantic relationships. I've told her things like women have as much right to want to have and enjoy sex as men and that also works in the reverse, women have as much right to not want to have sex with someone as men. Sex is a positive and good thing, one just needs to be emotionally ready and be able to deal with the consequences and protect onesself as much as possible from the adverse ones. My preference from her as a father would be that she waits until she is in a position to realize her career goals (she wants to be a Doctor) and that stems from the risks of pregnancy and the distraction. I also told her that the main idea here is that her first point of decision about having sex should be whether she is fully sure it is something she wants to do at that moment with that person. I also told her I never had sex with one of my classmates in high school and that is something I highly discourage as, for me, I could not have imagined the aftereffects of a broken up relationship and that person then going on and dating someone else with the knowledge that the new couple (and my former partner) was sexually active. I was not emotionally ready to deal with that in high school. I am not sure many adults ever become emotionally ready to deal with that in an office environment for instance. I also let her know that if she became pregnant, I would support any decision she made and if she was a lesbian, I would support that too.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
31. thanks. i appreciate the discussion. from your original post
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 02:43 PM
Dec 2011

i was really clueless to the age of your daughter. i was really feeling she was younger, but obviously she is not. i was working from a wide age range there.

i pretty much have the same kind of discussions with my boys. we are open in our house. wonderful stuff.

how do you define 3rd wave?

or is it too open of a question. that is my problem with it. i dont have a real definition of it.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
54. that was a very frustrating thread. supposedly with people that are open to discussion
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:01 PM
Jan 2012

for an understanding, in a world of misunderstanding.

i was totally amazed how now, the supposed 2nd wave are the evil ones when the reality is, a bunch of men were rating a woman as if she was a thing, an animal. and regardless the number of times a woman said this, this point was ignored.

i addressed the issue with the intent (supposedly) the Op provided the thread. yet i was specifically called out.

it made no sense.

your posts made no sense

it made no sense not saying a word to the men rating this women, and not saying one word to the men using every desexulizing insult to women on this thread, to then pin it on the woman

so tell me

though we understand a persons right to support the repug party, do we not address the cause as a whole

like

cain
steele
the poor
women
log cabin repugs.

even though we know they have the right to vote repug, do we not ask about their part in the bigger scheme and their own self interest?

of course we do.

i dont know 2nd and 3rd, but i am really curious how 2nd became the greater enemy than a man dehumanizing other people.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
56. I was very disappointed that fellow DUers rated her according to her looks
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:29 PM
Jan 2012

I guess what also disappointed me and disappoints me about second wavers is that they seem to discount the idea that people find each other sexually attractive and like to look at each other.

Heterosexual men like to look at women in various stages of dress or undress. Gay men like to look at men in various stages of dress or undress. Gay women like to look at women in various stages of dress or undress. Straight women like to look at men in various stages of dress or undress. Bisexual men and women like to look at women and men in various stages of dress or undress.

There is nothing wrong with any of that.

It doesn't somehow become wrong in 1/5 of those instances and not the others. Nothing will allow me to buy that.

We were talking about my daughter earlier. When I go with her and her friends to the beach, you better believe they are scoping out guys they think are cute in their bathing suits. Tell me, should I yell at her for that? Are you going to tell me I should lecture her about dehumanizing the guys? I'm not going to do any of that.

What we are talking about is not dehumanizing, it's human. Look, I get it. My ex wife wanted my daughter to be in pageants and she wanted her to be a cheerleader and I fought both of those things, hard. (after we divorced my ex married a conservative guy and became a Republican. Go fig). I am not in favor of anyone participating in a pageant. I think that pageants superficially emphasize looks over substance. My daughter reflects exactly what I want for all women, she is brilliant, strong, aggressive, fearless and a force to be reckoned with and I believe she will achieve her goal of becoming a doctor. But I also recognize that what I want doesnt necessarily mean all women want that for themselves.

If a woman like the gay woman in the pageant wants to do that, if she wants to be judged on her looks, should I get upset about that? Should anyone else? Using my above example and point, should I get upset if a man wants to be judged on his looks? How about if a man wants to exhibit himself to other men or a woman wants to exhibit herself to other women? How about a bisexual man or woman who wants to exhibit themselves to both sexes.

Second wave thinking does not work when you consider those examples. It's why I became a third waver. Your body is your body. My body is my body. We both have the right to do pretty much what we want with them and express ourselves sexually in a way that we want (assuming any participants/recipients or viewers are concenting adults) gender bias does not enter into that equation.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
59. but you do not want it for your daughter cause you know the inherent problems and issues with that.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:44 PM
Jan 2012

do you get that? you say it yourself. you get where the issue with with the pageant. me? i care even less about it. and a person choosing to participate.

but, i too, recognize the inherent issues.

all the stuff you said in your post is NO different from anyone else.

you want to see your daughter strippin for others? of course you dont. for all the inherent problems and issues in strippin for pay.

the difference is, you validate and justify you desire to play in that at the expense of ANOTHER persons daughter (and i am not talking you personally), whereas i chose NOT to participate because i understand what i am doing to another human being, the issue as a whole and reality.... personal.

what i find amazing is the lack of honesty in the third wave.

i really dont get what wave i am in. i really dont give a shit.

but i am not going to tie a pretty bow on it when i know damn well there is not a pretty bow. want to do it, fine. call it what it is. pretending it is something else to make it all pretty is dishonest to me.

every person (besides the guys dehumanizing this woman) declared they dont like pageants because of the problems they cause. every person.

that says something.

i dont see where the battle is. even again, after listening to you, i dont see it.

there is a battle. i see that clearly. but as of yet, i dont see what the difference is. besides wanting to do whatever you want without having to realize the consequences. and no one gets away from that. that is just life. it may be the whole that suffers. but there are always consequences....

on edit... reading my point. very messy. i cannot get clarity on it. seems talking past, beyond, around each other and it all feels the same. will think on it.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
62. The reasoning is different and goes to the heart of what constitutes Empowerment and Bias
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 09:24 PM
Jan 2012

I don't see pageants as problematic from a gender standpoint, just that they emphasize superficial things that don't need further emphasis. So, sure, I would steer my child away from that.

Ultimately, the pageant argument leads to concepts that are similar to the sex positivity argument. Wikipedia has a great article on that culled from various third wave and second wave authors --> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_feminism

I cannot get to where second wavers are on this. It seems so anachronistic, so Victorian. Not that I agree 100% with all third wavers on this. When a small minority of third wavers started to talk about repealing statutory rape laws (talked about in the wiki article) they were going to a place I definitely could not follow.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
64. in the thread was the issue of men rating a woman. that as my issue. until men started addressing
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 09:32 PM
Jan 2012

women with sexist accusations like hysterical.

i saw no victorian behavior. the issue was objectification. i didnt even get into that cause it is obvious. emphasize superficial would be the issue with objectification. i think a lot of people are battling with 2nd wave adn created a battle that wasnt there. and they dont have the guts to address it, but you, lol. i was accused of being middle aged white women. the only thing i did was discuss it like it was meant to be discussed, even saying, of all things, bottom line, i am glad she won breaking the glass ceiling of norm. but wtf.... that is ignored and we seem to be pretending shit was in the thread that wasnt.

i am going ot read the link you gave me.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
65. so really, the sex positive female is merely the pro porn woman? no wonder the men are into the 3rd
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 09:34 PM
Jan 2012

opposed to the 2nd.

and no wonder that posters who start a thread on mocking a man saying porn harms is all over women that say, porn can harm.

so this whole battle is over porn?

wow.

hm

lol

ok

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
69. So, in your words, if a woman likes sex she is "all about capitulation"?
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:21 PM
Jan 2012

That, I think, is the impression many of us get about the opinion of second wavers. And you just stated it without any prompting at all.

 

laconicsax

(14,860 posts)
70. Umm...no.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:24 PM
Jan 2012

You seem to have not read what I posted or what it was posted in response to. Why don't you try again.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
72. No need, I read the entire thread. I knew exactly what I was saying and why.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:29 PM
Jan 2012

Quoting Gayle Rubin who criticized second wave thoughts on sex as having "condemned virtually every variant of sexual expression as anti-feminist," arguing that their view of sexuality is dangerously close to anti-feminist, conservative sexual morality. Rubin encourages feminists to consider the political aspects of sexuality without promoting sexual repression. She also argues that the blame for women's oppression should be put on targets who deserve it: "the family, religion, education, child-rearing practices, the media, the state, psychiatry, job discrimination, and unequal pay..." rather than on relatively un-influential sexual minorities.

 

laconicsax

(14,860 posts)
74. Well, you clearly weren't responding to what I wrote, so it makes me wonder.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:34 PM
Jan 2012

Your post here further confirms that you aren't responding to what I posted.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
71. that is silly at best and dishonest at worst. so do you wonder
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:28 PM
Jan 2012

why it may feel like a battle purposely being created.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
73. It's not dishonest. That poster said what they said.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:31 PM
Jan 2012

I really think that is how second wavers view things. Deep down I think they think that sex itself is an expression of patriarchy.

That is how it comes out, at least.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
75. i dont know what wave i am in, but going by the names i am called, guessing 2nd. and you would be
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:37 PM
Jan 2012

wrong. surely i am allowed to know my sexuality and desire, more so than you. deep down and all around.

2nd wve, from what i understand (and maybe i am a bet beyond second, grew up in sexually free 70s and 80s before so much hit that we didnt have to be concerned about)

i dont get it.

but i do know, you would be wrong on the sex issue.

it feels like kids talking about parents. how they dont know anything about sex, they dont even do it, by gosh.

all the while the parent is ltao having been there, done ALL that, a number of times.

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
87. here's me in my bombazine dress
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 05:52 PM
Jan 2012
I cannot get to where second wavers are on this. It seems so anachronistic, so Victorian.

You know what you might do?

You might try trying.

It's Victorian that women object to the exploitation of women. Funny, very few Victorians actually did that. And if you think that Emma Goldman would be dancing at a beauty pageant, you're mistaken.

My dear young chap, I had sex with more people in the first year of having sex than most "sex-positive feminists" will have in their life. (I say "people" so as not to sound exclusionary, you see; in my case, of course, they were men.) I was screwing my heart out when these third-wavers' parents were in diapers. And so was every feminist friend of mine.

Where do you get your strange ideas from?? You do realize there were, and are, millions of us -- and YOU DO NOT KNOW US, right?

What on this green earth does a few million men leering at women on their television screens ... and a few corporations making a big fat bundle of money out of the proceedings ... have to do with SEX?

Nothing. Absolutely precisely simply nothing.

You know one thing I find particularly amusing?

The most radical of the crowd you abhor, small as it was, who rejected sex to any extent were rejecting sex with men, and were the radical lesbians. And yet the self-proclaimed "sex-positive feminists" hereabout are, in large numbers, lesbians ... Funny, eh? Enough to make your head spin. And yet here it's all being laid at my and our doorstep.

I don't see pageants as problematic from a gender standpoint, just that they emphasize superficial things that don't need further emphasis. So, sure, I would steer my child away from that.

Gosh. Your reasons are so very excellent, and have nothing at all to do with the fact that "emphasizing superficial things" pretty much sums up how WOMEN are portrayed and treated and expected to act, and the fact that it is WOMEN who are treated and portrayed and expected to act this way in pageants.

Yeeeeesh.
 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
63. how to use sexuality to get what you want at work.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 09:26 PM
Jan 2012

(forget the other post. i am trying to figure this out. this implication the 2nd doesnt like sex, do sex, or recognize we are attracted to each other. go figure, didnt know.)

i was reading an article about a young woman who wrote a book telling women how to dress and behave, using sex to climb the corporate ladder.

that is what i see this third wave feminism is.

that is what i am seeing explained sex positive, is. how to capitalize on the objectification and dehumanization. jump on in and participate, because if we gain from it, more power to you. fuck the other women. and the men for that matter.

is this what we are talking about?

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
76. No. I dont think third wavers would be in favor of that at all.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:47 PM
Jan 2012

I'll bet if we emailed what you just wrote to a Rebecca Walker, or a Gayle Rubin, or Naomi Wolf, they would respond with something along the lines of:

We would want the woman in question to be able to get where she wants through her intellect and competence. Our main concern would be that bias and patriarchy not prevent her from realizing her goals. While using sex to climb the corporate ladder isn't what we want for women, we're not going to spend our time on it as if it were the main issue.
-----------

And it isnt the main issue. If a sexy man or woman does what you have described, and unfortunately at various jobs I've seen both, it isn't an equality or gender rights issue.

Let's put it another way. If a gay or bi-sexual man sleeps his way to the top by sleeping with men, are we still looking at a gender bias issue? I am going to come back at you with that with virtually every example you give me where you think sex is a gender bias issue. If it doesnt work with gay men/men, gay women/women, it doesnt belong in a discussion of gender bias.

There is nothing wrong with people having their individual idea of what is a moral sex behavior. In the case you mentioned, I agree, it is amoral. The problem is when you project it onto equality issues where it doesnt fit IMHO.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
77. i dont know the other two, but i have liked everything i have heard from naomi wolf
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 10:57 PM
Jan 2012

you know, she is not gung ho about porn either. has quite an issue.

She was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training—and this is having a huge effect on how they interact.

But the effect is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention.

Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!”)—possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?

For two decades, I have watched young women experience the continual “mission creep” of how pornography—and now Internet pornography—has lowered their sense of their own sexual value and their actual sexual value. When I came of age in the seventies, it was still pretty cool to be able to offer a young man the actual presence of a naked, willing young woman. There were more young men who wanted to be with naked women than there were naked women on the market. If there was nothing actively alarming about you, you could get a pretty enthusiastic response by just showing up. Your boyfriend may have seen Playboy, but hey, you could move, you were warm, you were real. Thirty years ago, simple lovemaking was considered erotic in the pornography that entered mainstream consciousness: When Behind the Green Door first opened, clumsy, earnest, missionary-position intercourse was still considered to be a huge turn-on.

Well, I am 40, and mine is the last female generation to experience that sense of sexual confidence and security in what we had to offer. Our younger sisters had to compete with video porn in the eighties and nineties, when intercourse was not hot enough. Now you have to offer—or flirtatiously suggest—the lesbian scene, the ejaculate-in-the-face scene. Being naked is not enough; you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax—just like porn stars. (In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.) Pornography is addictive; the baseline gets ratcheted up. By the new millennium, a vagina—which, by the way, used to have a pretty high “exchange value,” as Marxist economists would say—wasn’t enough; it barely registered on the thrill scale. All mainstream porn—and certainly the Internet—made routine use of all available female orifices.

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
78. I read that article when it came out. I'm a big fan of hers and have met and talked to her
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 11:11 PM
Jan 2012

That article had a big impression on me when it came out and it's something I am still thinking about.

But you understand that the issue that she has with porn is not the issue second wavers have with porn. Her issue is (from the article):

"The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity."
--------------------------------

That is not a gender bias or equality issue. That is not a 'patriarchy is oppressing women through pornography' issue. In fact, that argument isnt even one that suggests you should not view porn at all. It's one that says you shouldnt view it as often.

I have gone back and forth on the points she raised. I cannot decide if it is perception or not. I think we all experience some angst regarding whether we are as attractive as we were once we pass 40 and perhaps it is easy to blame some external force on that.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
79. you are premising womens argument to fit your perception of them. i have heard it many times in
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 11:17 PM
Jan 2012

these posts and i hear it often on the board.

women have continually said talking about the porn issue it is NOT A MORAL ISSUE. repeatedly. over and over and over again. yet continually what is given back to us, is that we are prudes and it is about puritan view. i have posted articles that speak better than i that it is NOT A MORAL ISSUE. but no one listens. ever.

i dont find any sex as a moral issue. none, nada, not a single bet. ever. at all.

now what.

are you going to believe it yet, or is it still once again and always, "victorian".

what that woman is arguing, i was arguing long before i read her article. i didnt need to read the article to see what was happening.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
80. Civil/Gender rights issues are moral issues too. Perhaps I didnt make that clear
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 11:24 PM
Jan 2012

To me, acting against someone due to bias or prejudice is amoral.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
81. we are talking rights not sex. i have always and consistently supported civil and gender rights
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 11:26 PM
Jan 2012

i dont know where you are going with this.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
82. You tried to suggest that I felt that 2nd wavers were addressing porn as a moral issue
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 11:32 PM
Jan 2012

moral meaning sexual mores.

However, I regard issues of bias and discrimination as moral issues as well. WHen Naomi Wolf said "its not just a moral issue..." or words to that effect, I think she would also view issues of bias and discrimination as 'moral'.

Wolf is a self described third wave feminist. http://bigthink.com/ideas/14391

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
83. all she is basically saying is the younger generation.
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 07:55 AM
Jan 2012

more media savvy, well, internet. that is a given with younger generation. not really a lot in that bet. but that is cool. i am getting it more. i am not at all impressed with what i see this battle being. i do do think it is very much that. i dont particularly know why. i didnt understand it at all when it was brought to my awareness not long ago. but, i have a better understanding now, i think

i dont do these battles and it makes no sense. but now i better understand, i will be able to not be a part.

a waste of time to me. and i think a lot of it is manufactured and just not worth it.

i appreciate you conversation

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
90. Me too. Here is the bottom line and what I think is the way for second and third wavers to work
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 10:11 PM
Jan 2012

together.

This entire discussion becomes moot in an environment where there is a living wage, no discrimination in hiring and promotions, and equal pay for equal work.

Those are the things that are the primary battlefield.

Everything else becomes much easier to address once you get there. When women own just as much wealth, have just as much power in the boardroom and elected offices and when everyone can easily obtain a living wage job, then let's see what issues are left.

Something tells me what is left in terms of issues becomes really small or non-existent.

redqueen

(115,164 posts)
93. As long as women are treated as things...
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 12:45 PM
Jan 2012

there will be no equal pay for work. There will be discrimination in hiring.

Call it Victorian and dismiss it if you must, but objectification is dehumanization, and that is the root of the problem. Women are being treated as things. How can things have equality? As long as women are the sex class, we will not get there.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
94. Is trying to force that philosophical point on people who dont agree worth alienating people who
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 12:48 PM
Jan 2012

want to work for equal pay for equal work, equal share of wealth, equality in promotions etc?

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
95. the options provied seems to be stfu. and i think women have had enough of being told to stfu.
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:06 PM
Jan 2012

a womans concern that for them is so connected adn wrapped up to all the issues including equal pay and share the wealth, is not going to be an issue women stfu with.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
96. But a large group of women disagree with that. Are you telling the women who disagree to STFU?
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:19 PM
Jan 2012

I have to say that people who espouse third wave thinking get pretty harsh treatment. If anything, it is those people who it seems are being told to STFU.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
98. pfff, they are not being told they are frigid. lol. you said
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:59 PM
Jan 2012

if you want support for....

then stfu about....

i say, if we believe differently, that is cool but dammit support the things we agree on like equal pay

redqueen

(115,164 posts)
99. It's not a philosophical point.
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 03:01 PM
Jan 2012

It's a fact.

Military campaigns have used dehumanization tactics for very specific reasons.

I will not shut up about these uncomfortable facts in order to coddle anyone who gets their feathers ruffled when confronted with things they'd rather not think about.

Hopefully their concern for those issues will eventually lead them to realize that as long as the dehumanization of women continues, they will not get those things.

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
101. how do you
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 03:54 PM
Jan 2012

force a philosophical point on someone?

If someone wants to "work for equal pay for equal work, equal share of wealth, equality in promotions etc", they're quite free to do it, I think. Whether they are feminists or not, whatever wave of feminism they might claim to belong to or might be labelled as, etc.

If they're alienated by feminists' efforts to broaden their understanding or to attack women's problems on different fronts, to the point that they abandon their equality-seeking efforts, they weren't very committed in the first place.

Just look at me. Still 100% committed to the equal treatment of GLBT people, regardless of anything said to and about me by anyone!

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
102. 100% committed to the equal treatment of GLBT people, regardless of anything said to
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 04:00 PM
Jan 2012

and about me by anyone!

yup

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
88. pft, Naomi Wolf
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 06:01 PM
Jan 2012
http://www.priestsforlife.org/prochoice/ourbodiesoursouls.htm

Hard time distinguishing her from the anti-choice brigade, myself. You don't support reproductive rights by writing screeds about the immorality of abortion.

Her lines on pornography -- like a true third-waver, it's all about her ...
 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
84. try not changing the subject
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 12:21 PM
Jan 2012
It doesn't somehow become wrong in 1/5 of those instances and not the others. Nothing will allow me to buy that.

Nobody was selling it, so you're quite safe.

You did notice that the people in the thread in question doing the rating were not lesbians?

You did notice that the people objecting to those responses were not objecting to lesbians doing or saying anything at all in respect of other lesbians or even other women?

What brought this on, then?

Are lesbians in beauty contests not subject to the same objectification BY MEN as straight women in beauty contests are? Was THIS not what was happening in this thread? Was THIS not the objection to beauty contests that those objecting to the rating comments might honestly be assumed to have?


If a woman like the gay woman in the pageant wants to do that, if she wants to be judged on her looks, should I get upset about that? Should anyone else?

If a woman feels intimidated in the public and private spaces of her life -- the streets, the schools, the workplaces, the internet discussion forums -- by being objectified -- leered at, commented on/to as an object of uninvited sexual attention -- should you get upset about that?

Hell, why would you? It's not as if the objectification of women actually has any ill effects on women, well beyond intimidation resulting in exclusion from the public spaces of the world women live in.

Why would you bother giving two seconds' thought to why a woman might want to do this, to be judged by her looks? Why would you give a third second's thought to the effect her choices might have on the world that other women live in?

I'd think it might be because you have a daughter, if for none of the other many reasons I could think of at all. But I guess your daughter will be the one who is never sexually assaulted or exploited, who never has an unwanted pregnancy, who is never abused in some way by a partner, who never has her opportunities limited by her sex. She'll be a real one percenter if so, but who knows, maybe she'll win the jackpot. And the hell with all the rest of us.

We both have the right to do pretty much what we want with them and express ourselves sexually in a way that we want (assuming any participants/recipients or viewers are concenting adults) gender bias does not enter into that equation.

No, of course it doesn't. Because you say so, I guess. Facts be damned.
 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
85. When you address the inconsistencies in your approach, I'll enter into a lengthy dialogue
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 04:57 PM
Jan 2012

It doesn't somehow become wrong in 1/5 of those instances and not the others. Nothing will allow me to buy that.

You have no answer for that so everything else you say is moot.

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
86. why are you here?
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 05:13 PM
Jan 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=341x1

Quite apart from your refusal to say something that is at least true, and your choice to reiterate the false representation of the women in this forum by reposting the portrayal I already refuted:

It doesn't somehow become wrong in 1/5 of those instances and not the others. Nothing will allow me to buy that.


When you address the inconsistencies in your approach, I'll enter into a lengthy dialogue

When you identify an inconsistency in my approach, or do anything else that can be characterized as engaging in civil discourse (which misrepresenting opposing views and those who hold them is not), I'll give a shit.
 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
89. Why to sell Amway products, of course.
Mon Jan 9, 2012, 07:16 PM
Jan 2012

Did you really expect a serious answer to a snarky and unnecessary existentialist question?

 

Remember Me

(1,532 posts)
52. Wow, she's great, Steve
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 07:20 PM
Jan 2012

I'm not a sports fan, but even I can see she's a quite able soccer player. Also beautiful, and I love her ambition. Thanks for sharing that. I really enjoyed watching it and seeing this fine young woman you're justifiably so proud of.

Again, good for you, dad.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
53. Thank you! I raised her to be able to kick butt academically, intellectually and physically.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 07:44 PM
Jan 2012

More than anything else, being a feminist to me as a man and father means raising a young lady who is no shrinking violet in ANY way. She knows what she wants, she knows what she doesn't want and she is not going to take any crap. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
55. wow steven, that is all kinds of awesome. it is wonderful seeing a girl do....
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:06 PM
Jan 2012

instead of being. i was a competitive swimmer myself and it game me wonderful stuff. that being said, even if my daughter chose a pageant, i would be proud, if there is effort, grounded and hard work.

you daughter is great.... loved it. thanks.

you did a wonderful job putting a video together.

didnt you say she was in college? or is she off to college next year?

thanks

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
58. She is off to College next year. That video helped land her the soccer scholarship she received
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:41 PM
Jan 2012

she also has at least one academic scholarship (several others are in the works).

I still remember taking her to the park when she was 2 years old and teaching her how to play soccer and how to hit a ball pitched to her with a bat. Sigh.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
61. ahhhhh, lol. hey, that was clever of you. my son is a junior.
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:52 PM
Jan 2012

we are looking to use his cross country adn grades to help us out, too. but i dont think a video would work so well with cross country. but that is very clever and creative. we are going to have to start working on all this soon. he is hearing from a lot of colleges, but we haven't done much yet.

good for her. and you

libodem

(19,288 posts)
32. This was such a good article
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 02:55 PM
Dec 2011

I went to the site on the link and found the definitions of the waves. I must be a second wave. I had to fight tradition from the 50's subservient housewife era. I have door mat personality disorder. That is why I admire women strong enough to be unafraid to speak out. That sometimes leads to the unmentionable word that I am wishing I was more like.

Peace out.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
33. i had to speak out a couple weeks ago.
Wed Dec 21, 2011, 05:49 PM
Dec 2011

after saying i did not want to do something, and did not want my kids to experience it, i was ignored and the two leading men did it anyway. by the time i realized what they had done, and taught two younger girls (13 and 16) to lower head and keep mouth shut, i was soooooo mad.

it was a group of 18. i was one, facing 17. and had to stand up to the group.

afterward, i told husband. do you think it is easy to speak out to 17? do you think that is easy to do?

i was the ONLY adult, parent, that spoke out for the women who didnt want to do and the kids who should not have done.

it isnt easy. people think it is. they roll the eyes. they sigh... they say, not again.

i didnt do anything. i wasnt the one that chose to be disrespectful. but cause i dared to say.... NO, i was the one that got the sighs.

it is not easy.

on edit... i am glad you are speaking out now. i am glad you got something out of the article.

starspunch78

(9 posts)
37. Just a way to categorize
Wed Dec 28, 2011, 01:05 PM
Dec 2011

Hello everybody

I'm new here and am looking for a place to have some discussions about feminism, media, and theory.

I know that I most identify as a 3rd wave feminist. But I also know that 1st and 2nd waves were important parts of the evolution of feminist theory, and I think they still retain key lessons. To me, its hard to just stick with one "wave." I see it as a way to group and categorize different patterns of thought on a timeline, but I think we can all embrace all three waves.

This was a great breakdown of the different waves.

 

Remember Me

(1,532 posts)
44. No, actually, it wasn't
Sat Dec 31, 2011, 09:07 PM
Dec 2011

a great breakdown of the different waves. I don't mean to jump on YOU -- welcome, by the way -- it's just that you offered the too perfect jumping in place.

I'm a confirmed 2nd Waver, and I did not recognize our movement in there.

And what I saw of 3rd Wave, as described, leaves me very annoyed because it makes women of that era look simply ignorant -- ignorant of the rationale, theory, HISTORY, as well as too pampered, lazy and narcissistic to bother doing any better.

And it makes me angry because some of the things ascribed to 3rd wave women are dangerous (harmful) for women as a class and I don't know how it happened, but I strongly suspect some of our foes crept into some of the universities somehow and infected the women's study curricula with anti-woman lies wrapped up and sold as "improvements" and "advances" when they're nothing of the sort. People like Christina Hoff, for example, or Camille Paglia. Blech.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
45. thank you for this post. as i say. i dont feel like i fit or even understand either.
Sat Dec 31, 2011, 09:56 PM
Dec 2011

i do agree some of the supposed third wave in lacking insight and causing problems. more like the victim embracing the jailer or whatever. but i certainly feel an identity with third wave, too, in ways. smack in the middle of the two.

i think much of the second wave, much that was being said was ignored, so they could be attack, ridiculed, shamed to stfu.

PhoenixAbove

(166 posts)
40. Another K&R
Thu Dec 29, 2011, 07:52 AM
Dec 2011

I never quite realized the finer intellectual differences between the waves. This was a great read. Thanks OP!

 

Remember Me

(1,532 posts)
46. Speaking as a 2nd Waver, I think 3rd Wave, as described
Sat Dec 31, 2011, 10:45 PM
Dec 2011

is part of the backlash AGAINST feminism. I really do.

As for what's wrong with it (or wrongheaded), I just found this comment in another thread which IMO demonstrates perfectly why and how one aspect of 3rd wave feminism is dangerous to women:

thread: Research from Geena Davis's Institute on Gender in Media.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1139&pid=351

comment:

16. Just watched A League of Their Own last night.

I love Geena Davis the actress and the activist in gender equality. Women and girls are constantly being portrayed as nothing more than sex toys for men's pleasure. We are more often than not taken less seriously because of our gender and that limits our potential success in society.

Note: Because of the above comments on the girl with the dragon tattoo - I rented it and returned it the same night. Anyone who found that to be entertainment is morbid. Sexual violence is not entertainment, it is an epidemic that should be shamed and eradicated - not sold as recreation.


First, there was NEVER a prohibition by 2nd wavers on sex or enjoying sex. If anything, we invented the term "double standard" and were absolutely adamant that women could be just as promiscuous as men (if they wanted) and not be denigrated for it. We led the way in getting a woman's previous sexual history and behavior just prior to rape excluded from rape investigations and trials. And so forth and so on. Not that these are all adequately nailed down, but that we were right there on the front lines for these and other issues.

It was feminists who created COYOTE, Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics -- a rights group for prostitutes.

But 2nd wave feminists also clearly identified the nexus between the sex industry and the degradation of women in other ways. I am personally convinced that we will NEVER be equal and free while pornography and other parts of the sex industry flourish. That's not calling for them to be outlawed, but for people to be at least educated and/or shamed away from participation. (Shame in the sense of: gee, now that I understand how it hurts women, I won't support that. Just as many people have been educated/shamed away from drunk driving.) Feminists also identified the nexus between both the economic oppression of women and sexual abuse as contibuting factors to women (and also men) entering the field as workers -- both horrible human rights blights on humanity. So I concur completely with this statement from the OP:

Other critics argue that the Third Wave feminists do more damage than good by equating women’s sexuality with power. Critics argue that this kind of sexual empowerment is purely individual and does not lead to social change, and in fact promotes the sexualization of women.

Anyone who equates their sexuality as women with power have been sold a bill of goods -- and by whom? Supporters of patriarchy, of course.

Third Wave feminists are encouraged to build their own identities from the available buffet, and to not worry if the items on their plate are not served together traditionally. Women can unapologetically celebrate a plate full of entrée choices like soccer mom, career woman, lover, wife, lesbian, activist, consumer, girly girl, tomboy, sweetheart, bitch, good girl, princess, or sex symbol.

The buffet was made possible by 2nd wave feminists, and it worries us (okay, makes some of us absolutely hysterical) to see it so poorly understood and appreciated that 3rd wave women risk it all through their inattention to political realities, their complacency, and their gleeful, wrongheaded pursuit of "sexual freedom" which they believe empowers them (?????? that last doesn't even pass the common sense test).

We're not looking for thanks, but merely the political sensibilities that 3rd wavers so they can help safeguard what passes for a little equality and not lose any more ground.

Does anyone who thinks of themselves as 3rd or in between 2nd and 3rd understand what the motto, "The personal is the political" means? Have any of you ever given it any thought? I think I'm going to open a separate thread for that.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
47. "The personal is the political" means?
Sat Dec 31, 2011, 10:57 PM
Dec 2011

do open another thread. and i love what you say in this post. certainly, most all know that i have the issues that you bring up with third wave.

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
57. y'know, I guess I would just ask the "third wavers":
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:32 PM
Jan 2012

So how's that working out for you then?

More to the point, though -- how's it working out for the women of colour, low-income lone-parent women, women victims of spousal violence and all the other forms of male violence against women, low-wage working women ... all the women that "second wavers" were beaten about the ears for allegedly not including?

I'll bet that all of them are really happy that they're free to be soccer moms, princesses and sex symbols. In the spare minutes they get after working two jobs and doing all the household work, and between trying to figure out where next month's rent is coming from and dodging the sexual harassment at work ...

I see the article quoted mentioned that question. Seems to me it's the central one.

Seems to me third-wave "feminists" are pretty much a waste of space.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
60. So how's that working out for you then?
Sun Jan 8, 2012, 08:49 PM
Jan 2012

thank you for bringing this up. that was going to be exactly my question with all this. how is it working out. the frat boys chanting yes means no, how to rape a girl. more and more disrespect between the genders.

i could go on and on.

i was thinking about this going thru the different forums about the pageant thread, listening to people.

Violet_Crumble

(36,142 posts)
91. I'm Gen X, I think, which is why I can relate to one thing with that third wave...
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 06:28 AM
Jan 2012
As is characteristics of Generation X and Generation Y, Third Wave feminists express themselves through popular culture and use it in their personal journeys to define identity. They look for women, images, and musicians who represent their own struggles. They also take ironic pleasure in outrageously sexist or sexualized representations, like Paris Hilton or reality shows like America’s Next Top Model.

That describes me, but I've never heard of this wave stuff before now. I need to get out more
 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
92. i dont get you...
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 10:12 AM
Jan 2012

and i say that with love, grinnin. (i will call my son an ass, then say, saying with love, lol)

but i think my big question with this attitude is

for me

and what i see

it is like asking men (boys) to be disrespectful and not getting the insult.

since you identify, and i am not judging what is, your right, i am exploring thought. but i might have to think a bet about how i want to ask the question.

 

iverglas

(38,549 posts)
97. I think "ironic" might be the key here ;)
Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:48 PM
Jan 2012
As is characteristics of Generation X and Generation Y, Third Wave feminists express themselves through popular culture and use it in their personal journeys to define identity. They look for women, images, and musicians who represent their own struggles. They also take ironic pleasure in outrageously sexist or sexualized representations, like Paris Hilton or reality shows like America’s Next Top Model.

I doubt that you think that Paris Hilton and America's Next Top Model are actually empowering and advancing the cause of women.

I think the problem we senior citizens would have with that statement is if it is all someone does, i.e. if they are not concerned about, let alone if they dismiss or oppose efforts to advance, the interests of women to whom a "personal journey to define identity" is an unattainable luxury or simply does nothing to address their real problems; or believe they can liberate themself through a personal journey (or that women can do that); or think that engaging in a personal journey, regardless of what it might be, is all it takes to qualify as a feminist.

It's an inversion of "the personal is political". It isn't recognizing the politics of the personal. It's pretending the purely personal is politics.
 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
103. kicking. looking thru google for a particular third waver, i cant remember her name.
Fri Dec 27, 2013, 05:59 PM
Dec 2013

i came across this in gogle so kicking for anyone wanting to read. but still, hunting something specific here. edit: (sorry. as i said, i saw this on google. thought it was in hof. was kicking for a discussion in hof)

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