you are a girl. no i am not, i am a woman. but, you are a girl, too. no.

[seabeyond]

a girl is a kid. i am an adult. i am a woman.

i had this conversation with my gr niece. all my family and friends at the table.

girls like pink.

boys do, too.

no, only girls.

my son says, i like pink. my brother likes pink.

then you are girls.

jade doesnt like pink

then she isnt a girl.

i understand that this is normal behavior with the young. my boys and my 19 yr old niece are flabbergasted at these conversations with this child. my sons keep coming to me and telling me what this child is saying. (she spent the night). i told oldest son, this is normal. the difference is, when my boys were young and they would say one of these societal conditioned comments out loud, we would talk about the absurdity of it and the conditioning from society.

boys are messy
girls arent
daddy cleans
mommy doesnt
but boys are messy
girls arent

all our conversations are wrapped around this. i got interrupted from this post to get her paper to color on and we had another conversation about colors and gender. but i like green. am i allowed to like green. where is society to tell me if i like this color or not. i am so confused. what am i going to do.

these are very easy, very simple, common sense parenting actions. listen to the child, talk to the child. it is fun. i like listening and talking. they kids are sweet, smart, not a big deal. yet, so many parents fail the very basics in connecting, communication, teaching children.

but, it is the fun part of parenting. and at this age, they listen to you.

it starts so very young. so when we say biology, i say, no way.

btw, i got the two yr old brother a box full of dinosaurs to get him off wrestling dolls. lol. we have a lot of dinosaurs from my boys childhood and we are doling these out on christmas and bdays. the girl LOVES them. and it doesnt even have a princess crown. she split them with brother and she is carrying her favorite around. non gender toy.

[JustAnotherGen]

1. My dad was a military officer

My brother had a bunch of GI Joe dolls - I had Barbies. We both played with Narbie and GI Joe - and I had a lot of military themed toys because I was fascinated with war ships and tanks as a little girl.

The year I got the Barbie townhouse - my dad made my brother a GI Joe "house".

Joe was always beating up Steven and Ken and my brother and I had a " plot" where Joe stayed home and took care of the house and Barbie was a Lawyer who paid the bills!

It was my fathers idea!

I'm sharing this because we had gender based toys - but my parents encouraged us to play outside of the box.

Thinking of my dad today because it's our first Christmas without him - and my brother shared with my fiancé how I always got slot cars and remote control cars . . . Along with him . . . So I was distracted enough that he (my father) could goof around with the Barbie stuff so he could imagine being a stay home dad!

I can even remember him saying Ken had the best life ever - Christie and Barbie were the ones who HAD to have a career or two.

I'm fortunate to have been a little girl in the 70s with parents - and quite important - a father who was 50 years ahead of his time. I picked a man who knows his way around a kitchen and laundry room - my brother picked a woman who has ambition and a career.we both have equal energy relationships!

[Remember Me]

2. Boy, you WERE fortunate

My son was born in 1971 and I was SO glad to have a boy because I literally DID NOT KNOW HOW TO RAISE A GIRL in that time.

However, some of my efforts at gender-neutral child-rearing failed. I kept buying him soft stuffed toys, he kept preferring boy things. In fact, the first time he ever even saw a toy car, he picked them up and went "zoom, zoom." I don't know where he could've gotten that. I tried to get him to watch Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo, but he preferred Wild Kingdom (and indeed grew up to get his degree in zoology).

LOL. There's only so much you can do sometimes.

[JustAnotherGen]

3. My brother was born in 71 too

Here's the advantage. . .

My mom was an only child whose father had a construction company. Guess who did home repairs growing up? She would let my dad TRY to be the hero - then he'd cry uncle and she would save the day!

My dad was one of ten - nine survived to adulthood. Six were girls. My father had tremendous empathy for women. He LIKED women. He only had ONE sexist attitude that popped up when the Army tried to recruit me in high school - he had to point out Tail Hook to the obnoxious recruiter and tell the guy "let someone else's daughter liberate the god damned US Army!"


But - in spite of having been an Army Officer and a Green Beret/Delta Force - my father became an arch pacifist after the Lebanon bombing in the early 1980's. So he forbade my brother from going into the military too. Felt that between his service, my uncle's service, my great uncles service - and the fact that my mom could trace a family members service all the way to pre USA (French Indian War) - we were absolved From serving our country in a way that could put our lives at risk.


Women in this country lost a man who loved us, was kind to us, and believed in our capabilities this past August.

We had many conversations the week before he died. As a black kid born in Alabama in 1941 he never thought he would live to see Obama in office. He was sad he wouldn't live to see a woman in that role . . . That's the only thing outside of being at my wedding that he was clear he was sad he missed . . . And he asked me to share that with my children someday.

[seabeyond]

4. i really love your stories of your father. what a good man. the gift he gave you, cause he was

such a good man. i miss him and of course, dont even know him. i love the feel of him, all man, but embraces all of who he is instead of presenting the cultural accepted masculinity. damn, i love that.

my father is a good man, too. he is not nearly as evolved, lol. it is odd, that he has these conditioned views of women on the surface, yet for me, all bets are off and i am person to be treated as such. it is more what you see in most men, just an unawareness. but he was/is so good to me, loved me, respected me, gave me my sense of self worth. i thank him today.

fathers just dont get how important their role is with their daughters, and their ability in choosing a future hubby.

thanks for your stories about your father.

i have said, we were not raised as a gender, but a person. i automatically raised my kids as a person, not a gender.

it seems we identfy more with person, than gender.

[Remember Me]

5. I LOVE your father

what a great guy!

My dad meant well, back in the 60s when I was growing up. I remember him telling me I could be anything I wanted to, but it wasn't all that convincing at the time. What I remember much more vividly -- and rejected flat out (tho silently) -- when I was starting to date: "Remember, the boys don't like girls that are smarter than they are. So you ought to hide that a little."

The HELL I will. Remember, this was before Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinem, though not too many years before. I remember looking at him and blinking a bit, and going on my merry way muttering to myself something about finding a better class of boy -- or perhaps doing without. Jeez, my intelligence was the one thing I enjoyed and felt I could count on for sure in my life. Throw it away, disavow or even "forget it" for an evening? Over my dead body! It still startles me a bit (eyes blinking yet again) that he thought there was anything viable about that idea. LOL.

[seabeyond]

6. mumble mumble mumble... bah hahaha. i love it. nt

[JustAnotherGen]

7. Lol

hey - I'm still blinking my eyes (hard) that my dad believed a woman could be Commander in Chief- but not a general in the field. his logic was - She would have a bunch of men standing in front of her with guns. *scratch head*.

And he cut me off with - Joan (d'arc) and Mathilda (of Tuscany) were special. *still scratching my head*.

I got a feeling your dad wad a good person though - wasn't he?