The Soapbox: On Feminism & Judging Other Women

[maddezmom]

It was easy to roll one’s eyes at Elizabeth Wurtzel’s recent piece on TheAtlantic.com, “1 Percent Wives Are Helping To Kill Feminism And Make The War On Women Possible.” Although I understand the point Wurtzel was trying to make (educated women who don’t advance in the workforce and financially support themselves/their families are bad for feminism) she couched the whole thing in kind of bombastic, linkbait-y statements like, “I am going to smack the next idiot who tells me that raising her children full time — by which she really means going to Jivamukti classes and pedicure appointments while the nanny babysits — is her feminist choice.”

But I want to go a little deeper than the eye-rolling. I want to look at the phenomenon of self-described feminists — like Wurtzel — judging other women’s choices.

First we need to define our terms. Some might say “judgment” and “having an opinion” are one in the same. But to me, “opinions” are thoughts that aren’t meant to influence anyone in any way. It’s possible to hold an opinion in a “live and let live” kind of way. To give a conservative example: Abortion is killing an unborn child, so I would never have an abortion. On the other hand,
judgment condemns something in a way that’s seeks to influence people. Abortion is killing an unborn child, so I’m going to stand outside Planned Parenthood and scream at you that you’re a baby killer. When I am referring to feminists being “judgmental,” I’m not referring to them merely having opinions — of course people who identify as feminists have lots of opinions. I’m talking about expressly trying to influence other people’s actions. There are areas where being judgmental is appropriate, like, say judging people who beat their children or pets: they are causing direct harm. But there are a lot of areas where I think being judgmental is inappropriate, particularly when it comes to people’s private choices that do not hurt anyone else and do not affect you.
Feminism to me is the belief that women and girls have the same value in this world as men and boys do and we should all have the same opportunities in life. Fundamentally, I believe our gender and sexuality should not determine our existence and we should be able to make our our choices.
I like the definition put forth by Courtney E. Martin that says feminism is what’s good for most of the women most of the time. So, to that end, I don’t believe any choice a woman makes therefore makes it a “feminist” choice. That doesn’t even make sense. It is so annoying the way that language has been co-opted by, for example, the plastic surgery and weight loss industries. There very well may be lots of women who feel more confident, even empowered, after acquiring a more voluptuous or more youthful appearance, but I’m not sure that we can make the case that prizing a youthful, more conventionally sexy appearance  is good for most of the women most of the time.
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More: http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-06-19/the-soapbox-on-feminism-judging-other-women/

[TreasonousBastard]

1. She makes a lot of sense, and it goes far beyond...

feminism.

We're a very judgmental society (maybe, in fact, all societies are-- perhaps a survival mechanism we evolved eons ago...) and while I agree entirely with her point, I would note that fathers who were outearned by their wives and picked up much of the housekeeping and child-rearing have been scorned for years. And it's not only about family matters or gender roles-- it's just what we do to people who don't fit into our little boxes.

Every one of us has a story, maybe lots of stories where, someone, or a lot of people, tried to fit our lives into their molds. It's about time we evolved out of this nonsense and everyone learned to mind their own damn business.