Facing a dilemma

[vercetti2021]

Coworker shared with me that she broke up with an abusive ex not long ago and since then he's been creeping on her. Sitting outside her house, sending her texts from various numbers. Even knows where she works. She's terrified. I told her to let me see what he looked like so in case he came into the coffee shop, I would boot his ass out immediately. But part of me wants to issue a threat to him and tell him to leave her alone if he did indeed show up.

Since she told me I've been walking her to her car and following her home to make sure she is okay. I feel maybe if this asshole see's someone is protecting her, he'll back off. Part of me feels he'll target me also. But I actually carry a gun on me so I don't worry about myself.

This is a big issue and I feel I need to protect my employees and friends no matter what. But also I don't know how unhinged this guy can become. Mass shootings plaguing out country and anything can set this guy off to come and shoot up our coffee shop.

[multigraincracker]

1. Picking on her, shows he is a bully.

Best dealt with by standing up to him.

Good luck and don’t hesitate to trespass him if he acts out at the shop. Do you have cameras?

[vercetti2021]

2. We do

Plus the amount of phone cameras there would be...I think we are okay there. But I know she won't be able to stand up to him, but I have no issue doing that for sure.

[multigraincracker]

8. +1

[bucolic_frolic]

3. Is he her actual ex, as in divorced?

Maybe a lawyer would run a background check?

[vercetti2021]

9. Boyfriend

She's young, shes about 22 and he's literally almost 30 from what she told me. So he's a fucking creeper.

[sheshe2]

4. Good on you for helping.

However she needs to file a police report for the stalking. She needs to have that on record. This can escalate.

[vercetti2021]

10. Told her to do that numerous times

Get him on video of him sitting outside her house, the texts, everything. Because I'm making myself a target by making sure she is getting home without issue. Also sticking around to make sure he isn't there waiting.

[sheshe2]

13. She needs to do it now.

Thank you for helping her, vercetti. You are a good person.

[vercetti2021]

19. Finally after sitting with her for 2 hours

She agreed to do it. I offered to be with her in person so she would feel more at ease. But really it's to just ensure her. I feel alone she would back out last second. So I'm gonna make sure she doesn't do that.

[sheshe2]

20. Finally some good news.

Thank you for helping her. She made the right decision. I am glad you will be with her.

[vercetti2021]

21. Yeah

I'm mentally exhausted from it. Sadly I think she still has feelings for her ex.

[hlthe2b]

5. One need not have suffered domestic abuse in most states to get a restraining order--just be fearful

of personal harm from someone. This is the process in Colorado:
https://www.courts.state.co.us/userfiles/File/Media/Brochures/restraining.pdf

While a lawyer would make it easier, it is not absolutely necessary. She could contact her county prosecutor's office first to see if there were legal assistance available for the process.

The sooner, the better.

[vercetti2021]

11. I'll check Texas

Mean it is Texas...so who knows how effective getting a RO would be.

[niyad]

6. I wish I had some helpful advice to offer. You are protecting her as best you can.

Sadly, in these times, your concerns are quite realistic. Maybe alert any other employees about him?

Sending vibes for protection and healing.

[vercetti2021]

7. Already done

We passed his ugly mug around and know to come get me or the owner in case he comes in. My boss said it was an instant trespass if he steps over the threshold.

[no_hypocrisy]

12. She should never be alone. Ever.

Stalkers, exes, abusers are less motivated to attack with witnesses as they don't want to be held accountable.

Also your coworker should immediately file a Police Report for the record.

If things escalate, she should consider a restraining order. If he violates it, he goes to jail.

[vercetti2021]

18. I'm watching her the best I can

From the time she comes to work til I follow her home. Sadly I can't be there 24/7

[kimbutgar]

14. Just read two articles today a women being stalked by ex boyfriends

One in Aurora, CO and another in Dekalb GA


The Colorado Bureau of Investigation had issued an endangered missing alert for a woman who witnesses say was last seen being “forcibly kidnapped” in Aurora. She was found alive Wednesday morning.

The alert said a 43-year-old woman was last seen being forcibly kidnapped/abducted by Lance Foster, 43, at 26000 E. Quincy Ave. at 5:47 p.m. Tuesday.

6:50 a.m. Wednesday, the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office confirmed that the victim was found alive in Wheat Ridge. Foster was arrested by the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office SWAT team Wednesday morning.

The Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office said Foster is the woman’s ex-boyfriend who has allegedly been stalking her.

And another……

Woman stalked, shot by ex-boyfriend at DeKalb gas station, shoots him back, mother says

She says her daughter was inside the convenience store picking something up when her ex-boyfriend burst into the store and confronted her. Within moments, that argument turned violent when shots rang out.

“He has been stalking her and harassing her for the last couple of months,” she explained. “He saw her car, he tried to attack and rob her, shot her, and she defended herself and shot back.”

I would suggest she get a restraint order and report to the police her harassment. No one should ignore a stalked. Luckily this other two woman ended up not getting hurt but it might not turn out good for your friend. Does she have any family or friends she can stay with for awhile until she gets help?

[vercetti2021]

15. Jesus

Last edited Wed Jul 26, 2023, 11:58 PM - Edit history (1)

I mean I absolutely applaud these women for having self defense. Sadly I'm the one with the gun, she doesn't have any weapons to defend herself. I'll see if I can find her a stun or pepper spray. I know she is living with her parents right now since she is out of school.

[LoisB]

16. You are doing a good thing looking out for her. My advice is that she should report it to the

police right away and get a restraining order (mostly worthless but at least it's on record). Try to document everything and stay safe yourself. He may decide the best way to hurt her is to harm her protector.

[vercetti2021]

17. Well I got the weapon

She doesn't. Reason I'm looking for something to get her while I convince her to get this stuff documented for a case. Shes got the texts to prove it. She needs to capture him creeping outside her house.

[TigressDem]

22. IF SHE includes your shop in her restraining order... it is her place of work, right?

Then that authorizes you to help her defend herself, I believe.

You would need to call the police if he violates the order and advise him to leave. Probably just hold the gun on him until he leaves, but if he behaves in a threatening way, the order, you calling it in and telling him he's violating it is more cover than just winging it.

Good luck.

My ex tried that shi* on me a few times when he was in an alcoholic black out and I nearly knocked his head off, but stopped myself because I hadn't been drinking and had some sense even though he woke me up from a sound sleep then sucker punched me and tried to strangle me.

I grew up in a barrio in California getting the crap kicked out of me by gangs until I learned how to defend myself enough to put them in their places. Also developed a sarcastic wit that targeted their weaknesses so I talked my way out of most things eventually. I always told them they didn't want to go there and get on my list. If they listened fine, if not and they threw the first punch, they got what they deserved. Even as an old lady, I can break people if I had to. Knees, neck or nutts, whatever can be reached. Mostly acting like a crazy old lady who might do ANYTHING is enough to get people to back down.

[vercetti2021]

23. I'm so sorry

That happened to you. I'm surprised you didn't put him in the hospital. Or worse. But you definitely are a fighter.

I will add that into her restraining order. He is already on our banned list. With his photo and name. So he is to be immediately be denied and told to leave or the cops will be called.

We are going tomorrow to get it filed. So I'll be sure to include that in her order.

[TigressDem]

24. What doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger.

What is great for me personally is that my parents helped me keep my sanity through it all.

My Dad made sure I didn't START any fights and did what I could to talk people down if possible, but made sure I knew how to defend myself and that I had a right to stand up to bullies.

My Mom took me to church and somehow I learned about a Jesus that LOVES everyone and accepts us as we are. BUT who REALLY got pissed at Money Changers taking advantage of folks who were there just to worship God.

IF JESUS were here today, he might toss a few people out on their arses who think they know everything and can swindle people all day long and call it "God's work".