Need Your Opinions Here

[rustysgurl]

My husband and I have allowed my daughter from a previous marriage to live with us while completing her college degree. Her last class is this week, and we were going out to a restaurant tonight to celebrate. The last time all 3 of us went to this restaurant, my daughter (who is quite a ways beyond legal age) ordered a beer with her Mexican food. My husband was not happy, saying he didn't like paying for 'her beer'. It's not that he's against beer drinking in general ... he thinks when a guest goes out to dinner with someone the guest should order the cheapest thing on the menu as a sign of courtesy. The price difference between the soft drink he wanted her to get and the beer she ordered was approximately $2. Am I off base in being upset at him, or is he really as stingy as I think he is? He thinks her expecting us to pay for the one beer she drank with her meal shows a lack of maturity. I think he's being an idiot. He said either I tell her she pays for her own beer or he's going to tell her himself.

Opinions?

[PoliticAverse]

1. Based on your description I'm going with stingy. It's not like she ordered a $20 bottle of wine. n/t

[kdmorris]

2. I'm going to have to go with stingy, too

Especially if he's against paying for her one beer for what you've described as a celebration for her finishing college.

Besides... she's not really a guest. She's his family - at least when he married you, she became his family.

But, the issue really seems to go deeper than $2 extra for a beer and I'm not a qualified family counselor.

[ginnyinWI]

3. he's an idiot.

When you invite someone out for dinner at any time, let alone a celebration of her accomplishing the goal of finishing college (!), that certainly implies that the guest can order what they want, within reason. I mean come on, 2 bucks? One beer?? Does he want to remain on good terms with her or not, when she goes off and has a family of her own? Tell him to look down that road before he burns bridges.

[edgineered]

4. He is a lost cause.

A similar incident occurred when taking my visiting sister, her daughter and my own daughters to a chinese buffet. My niece returned to the table with egg drop soup. Her mother had a fit. Her reasoning was that she could make egg drop soup at home, it did not matter that her daughter liked it. Am I wrong in thinking that your husband is one of those who eat at a buffet for the sole purpose of being a glutton?

[rustysgurl]

5. He Doesn't Care For Buffets

Actually he doesn't care for buffets, because you can't take anything home from a buffet. He prefers restaurants where you can get a doggy bag (go figure).

[edgineered]

6. I would laugh but your dog is missing out on some nice treats in his name! nt

[laundry_queen]

7. I vote for being an idiot.

When I was a kid, my parents were pretty stingy - making my brother and I order burgers or pasta while they dined on steak and lobster. I hated it then and I've never done that with my kids. As the person eating the 'lesser than' meal, it makes you feel like crap.

However, now as an adult, my parents insist that on my birthday (or similarly, we are going out this week or next because I've also just completed my degree) that I order whatever it is I want. Drinks too. That's how it should be if you are the 'guest of honor'.

Your husband needs to understand that as much as it is polite that you don't take advantage of the person who is paying (and he's welcome to do that when someone invites HIM out), it's also in bad form and extremely rude to insist that your guest pay for their own drinks. Don't like it, don't invite them out. Period. If I was to invite someone out to celebrate and they ordered the most expensive thing on the menu plus drinks - oh well. I have to plan for that. If I can't afford it, then I don't take them to that restaurant. It's not rocket science. I don't think it's your daughter who is showing a lack of maturity - your husband needs to get some manners here. You might also point out to him that the damage he'll do to the relationship if he makes her pay is not worth $2. And he will do damage. Imagine someone telling your that you and your accomplishment isn't worth $2. I'd be pissed.

[MemphisMoocows]

8. You're right

Maybe "idiot" is too strong a word, but you are right and your husband is wrong. Making such a big deal over $2 to anyone would show an alarming lack of grace, and to do this to his step-daughter is even worse. You'd hope he'd want to set an example to her as to how to be generous and care for those close to you, not act like this!

[Ashlea Earl]

11. true

Yeah, kind heart with patience and generosity is required. The arrogance shown in public is never acceptable by anyone.

[Ashlea Earl]

9. This is actual parenting age

You should have discussed about this with her before going out. Wherein talking about maturity will come through experience. Don't embarrass her in front of others rather discuss this alone with her. Gradually she will understand.

This is the actual parenting age. "Kids learn and copy what parents do" so, be careful about your activities too.

[LauraNb]

12. I'd like to know how this turned out...

It sounds to me like it's about other issues he has, rather than being about the actual beer.

[Citrus]

13. Definitely other problems

This wasn't about a beer, it was about something in him. This goes beyond stinginess and right on into meanness. To justify his beliefs, he turns it all around so it's backwards (and I suspect he does this with other issues, too). I strongly suggest seeking counseling and if he won't go with you, go yourself. This can't be the only thing.

Please don't take my bluntness as a lack of caring. That would be far from accurate.

Update?