I had to say goodbye to Pixie this morning.
She was 17 years old, suffering from chronic kidney disease - common in old cats - but she was managing pretty well until this weekend. She stopped eating, couldn't even be tempted with Churu or tuna, got increasingly lethargic to the point where I wasn't sure she would still be alive this morning. She was, but was clearly failing. Got a quick vet appointment, and after some testing confirmed what I'd feared - kidney failure - plus the discovery of a mass near her heart, probably cancer. Her heartbeat was abnormally slow, and she was obviously fading. So we decided it was time for her to cross the bridge. This was the seventh time I've had to do this and it never gets easier. But she'd had a good life, I think, and she went quickly and peacefully.
She was born to a barn cat at a Nebraska farm, friends of my family. I was visiting in the fall of 2008, and I was offered this kitten, about four months old, who looked like she might be part Siamese - blue eyes, dark tail and ears. Turned out she wasn't Siamese at all, and she grew long fur with dark brown spots, and her feet stayed white. She had a glorious fluffy tail. Out of curiosity I got her DNA tested; she was 10% Maine Coon; a smidgen of Persian and a whole lot of generic cat. She was kind of a diva, developed a complicated frenemy relationship with the two older cats (both of whom passed away within a month of each other during the summer of 2020). She didn't like to be picked up, hissed at even minor annoyances, hid when anyone visited, but she loved to sit on my lap or curl up next to me at night. She didn't meow; she spoke in little murmurs and chirps. Lately she made a little nest on the back of the couch where she could watch me if she did't feel like sitting on me, and I'd always look for her there when I came home, and she'd chirp at me when I greeted her.
So today I came home with the empty carrier and she wasn't in her nest on the couch. I put away her food bowls, removed the litter box and swept up the scattered litter. For the first time in many decades I am catless, and there's a big cat-shaped hole in my heart.
“We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.
Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a worn-out coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another." - Irving Townsend
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In our family, we have chosen to call that last loving act, always so difficult even when it's right, liberating the spirit.
And, we call new cat successors, as there certainly are no replacements. One of our vets once reassured me that there was no need to feel guilty if I wanted a new cat right away, which I usually do. He said one of the best ways to honor a departed cat is by offering your loving home to someone else who needs one.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so saddened to read of your loss.
Pixie is certainly a beautiful girl! 
My senior rescue of 14 years, Trixie, departed for the Bridge in July of 2024. The hold in my heart was absolutely inconsolable.
Healing vibes to you and I hope and trust that time will help to heal your heart and your precious memories of Pixie willbring a smile to your face and heart.
RIP 🙏 Pixie
during Covid.
I hope that you can find a new friend when you are ready.
I completely understand how it feels putting the food bowls away and always looking in the same spot expecting to see your beloved companion there, except she’s not. It leaves a hole in your heart, for sure.
The love you feel for her literally bursts off the screen shot of your artwork.
Pixie was indisputably a beautiful kitty. So sorry for your loss. Any animal person who has raised and lived with furry companions understands the anguish. Having lost too many beloved dogs, I know the grieving is real and potent.
Prayers for Pixie. And you, too.
To your lovely girl. Sounds like she had a life well lived, and was much loved. Condolences on your loss.
I know from experience that it is a hard adjustment for us human servants, as such, I hope you find peace in knowing that Pixie found her best life when she found you.
It is a terrible thing that our fur kids don't live as long as we do. The consolation is that we can love several of them in our own lifetime, and they are all special.
Hugs.
So very sorry for your loss.
A beautiful telling of her life with you. She was lucky to have you, and you her.
better place, and no more discomfort. Take care and hold on to the memories. And thanks for sharing with all of us.
You've written a beautiful and touching tribute.
The photo and painting are beautiful as well.
Everyone on this thread likely has shared your heartache or may (as I am soon) looking toward it with our own precious pets. My own girlie (an Aussie/Border Collie) is still able to walk our usual 3-mile, 5AM hike around the park with friends-- but only with major interventions for her osteoarthritis. I know that will eventually not be enough and at just shy of 14 years old, it is hard to contemplate.
So, I know you spent your time with Pixie treasuring every memory and cuddle. We know they are priceless because they are so limited in their years. But, their memories are forever.
