My letter to TFG

[bif]

Dear Ex-President Trump,

Just wanted to say you did a real bang-up job when you were in the Big O (my term for the Oval Office). I noticed when you were in office, you constantly brought up how many times you had to flush those new-fangled, high-efficiency toilets. It was refreshing to see the president tackle issues that were so important to the American people.

The reason I’m bringing it up is I just purchased a new toilet, and does that baby flush!!! Even when you take a huge dump, it clears the bowl in one! I can’t help but think it’s because of your behind-the-scenes efforts, they’ve perfected our toilets. Thanks for doing your part. You’re a real American hero and you should be proud of your work.

Now that you have a lot of free time, maybe you can tackle some of my other pet peeves. For example, I recently purchased a pound cake, When I looked close it said it weighed 12 ounces. Well, 16 ounces is my pound in my book. What’s the deal here? False advertising? If you’re interested, I have a bunch of other issues that need looking into.

[Omnipresent]

1. You'll need to shorten your letter to tfg.

His attention span is very short, and Melania won’t read to him anymore.

[TheRealNorth]

3. My sentiments exactly

You are wasting your time - he doesn't read.

[Probatim]

4. And where are the photos?

The giant dump swirling down the drain (like his poll numbers) would have proven that TFG's efforts were fruitful.

(Sorry if fruit was a trigger word for TFG.)

[underpants]

2. He was flushing documents

A whole bunch at a time.

[2naSalit]

5. Too many words.