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What science reveals about polyamorous relationships
This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by eppur_se_muova (a host of the Science group).
https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/how-polyamory-works-according-to-relationship-researchers/
( Note: Interesting and informative - although I didn’t see it as being especially ‘scientific’. More just informed (and researched) observation and opinion. But with an effort to clear up some obvious (and very common?) misconception - that we might benefit, collectively, from understanding? )
- snip -
Pierre-Louis: How do polyamorists see love and intimacy sort of differ from how we’ve been socially conditioned?
Lester: So in polyamory the idea is that we have many people that we can love and who can love us; there’s not just one true love out there that you seek, and you find, and then you live in married bliss forever—or monogamous, doesn’t have to be married. But in polyamory the concept is that, as humans, we’re wired to connect, we’re wired to love, we’re wired to receive love and that that can take all sorts of different forms with different people.
Pierre-Louis: Can we talk a little bit about how polyamory is perceived in popular culture and then talk about sort of, how you highlight in the piece, the lived reality kind of contrasts with that?
Lester: In popular culture the perceptions of polyamory generally are fairly negative, especially, you know, as it’s grown in popularity and had portrayals on different media and things like that. It’s something that doesn’t fit well with our common understandings of what relationships, quote, unquote, should be, right? This idea that you’re not just monogamous with one partner, but you have many partners is usually seen as something unethical in our society, right?
And so that kind of framework is placed on polyamory as well, whereas in reality it’s very different than the way that most people think about it. The people that I spoke with and that I, that I know in this world, ethics is really at the heart of what they’re doing, and so they take it very, very seriously that everybody be thoroughly informed and thoroughly consent to any arrangements that are happening.
And so that’s really different than the perception that it’s just an excuse to cheat or it’s a way to sneak around or whatever the case may be—just get sex with different people. Like, it’s very different than that, and unfortunately, that’s the way it’s often portrayed.
Pierre-Louis: How do polyamorists see love and intimacy sort of differ from how we’ve been socially conditioned?
Lester: So in polyamory the idea is that we have many people that we can love and who can love us; there’s not just one true love out there that you seek, and you find, and then you live in married bliss forever—or monogamous, doesn’t have to be married. But in polyamory the concept is that, as humans, we’re wired to connect, we’re wired to love, we’re wired to receive love and that that can take all sorts of different forms with different people.
Pierre-Louis: Can we talk a little bit about how polyamory is perceived in popular culture and then talk about sort of, how you highlight in the piece, the lived reality kind of contrasts with that?
Lester: In popular culture the perceptions of polyamory generally are fairly negative, especially, you know, as it’s grown in popularity and had portrayals on different media and things like that. It’s something that doesn’t fit well with our common understandings of what relationships, quote, unquote, should be, right? This idea that you’re not just monogamous with one partner, but you have many partners is usually seen as something unethical in our society, right?
And so that kind of framework is placed on polyamory as well, whereas in reality it’s very different than the way that most people think about it. The people that I spoke with and that I, that I know in this world, ethics is really at the heart of what they’re doing, and so they take it very, very seriously that everybody be thoroughly informed and thoroughly consent to any arrangements that are happening.
And so that’s really different than the perception that it’s just an excuse to cheat or it’s a way to sneak around or whatever the case may be—just get sex with different people. Like, it’s very different than that, and unfortunately, that’s the way it’s often portrayed.