survivor guilt?

[hollysmom]

survivor guilt?

If this is in the wrong place ,just tell me and I will delete it.

here is my story
I come from a large family, over 75 first cousins and several siblings. cancer is pretty rare but it has a way of striking strangely like my Mother in law dying in my arms 30 years ago. One aunt who had several cancer incidents until it finally killed her, but she worked on a nuclear submarine base in the 50's, I always thought that was why.

about 5 years ago my cousin went for an annual check up, and she was very precise on her check ups since her father died in his 20's. She was diagnosed with stage 4 Uterine cancer and 2 weeks later she was dead - it was so fast. She was just 40.
4 years ago, I, who am very bad on gynecological visits, checked in with a gynecologist because I had some unexplained bleeding and it was not a bladder infection. She said my walls were to think and kept sending me for tests and I fought her every step of the way. After finally having a biopsy under anesthesia, they discovered a littl cancer in me. after the operation, the doctor laughingly called is stage 0 because it was so teeny they could barely find it, it was so innocuous I did not even have to see the oncologist after one visit. I was so lucky, but the funny thing, that was not the cause of the bleeding, that was a whole other thing I had to take care of, a corrosion on my bladder, not an infection, not a cancer. I really ducked a bullet
so forward to today, I am going to a funeral tomorrow of my 50 year old Sister in law. She had regular check ups, she had a gynecological check up 2 months ago and they found nothing, but 2 weeks ago, she started to bleed and went to the doctor and they found her with stage 4 uterine cancer, and in two weeks she is dead.

These two woman had people who depended on them,. children, husbands, and a long life to look forward to. Me, I have no children the only one who depends on me is my dog (and she is really used to my ways! no one else will do, ha ha). But as far as people, I have friends and some family that will miss me, but I can go a week without talking to anyone, and I have had a great life, and am now 70. I just can't figure out why thm and not me? I know that my brother said his wife said, well it is cancer, but your sister did OK, she was sure it would be no big deal but dead in 2 weeks. So hard to understand. Cancer sucks and is mostly random.

[No Vested Interest]

1. You are here for a reason.

Perhaps just knowing you are here is a sign of hope and support, both for your greater family, and maybe even for people you don't know.
Your participation on DU is a gift to people you don't know.

I'm sorry for your loss of your sister-in-law. Your brother (I'm thinking it's his wife who died) will take comfort in your being there with him at this sad time.
Yes, cancer sucks, and appears to us to be random in many cases.

[ohheckyeah]

2. It isn't your

time so ne need for guilt. Easier said than believed.

You have my deepest condolences.