Bereavement
Related: About this forum"Everything Doesn't Happen For A Reason"
just found this piece tonight--it's worth reading:
(here is a snip)
"Let me be crystal clear: if you've faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life.
"Grief is brutally painful. Grief does not only occur when someone dies. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When dreams die, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve.
"So Im going to repeat a few words Ive uttered countless times; words so powerful and honest they tear at the hubris of every jackass who participates in the debasing of the grieving:
"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."
http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason
(more snipping)
"So if anyone tells you some form of get over it, move on, or rise above, you can let them go.
"If anyone avoids you amidst loss, or pretends like it didnt happen, or disappears from your life, you can let them go.
"If anyone tells you that all is not lost, that it happened for a reason, that youll become better as a result of your grief, you can let them go.
"Let me reiterate: all of those platitudes are bullshit. "
polly7
(20,582 posts)I heard so many of those, and still hear some. I think many of them came from people who just didn't know what to say, but a few definitely were from those who believed I needed to move on. They were trying to be kind, but it honestly didn't help.
"Everything happens for a reason" was the worst. It just made no sense and my heart felt like exploding when I tried to understand any possible reason.
CaliforniaPeggy
(152,051 posts)You are absolutely right.
This is especially meaningful to me now:
"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."
ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)"everything happens for a reason" makes me want to scream sometimes. I know some people are truly trying to help but that doesn't help.
DeadLetterOffice
(1,352 posts)Thanks so much for posting it here!