My wife's death. First time I'm posting.
Last edited Sat Jun 1, 2024, 07:38 PM - Edit history (1)
My wife died on 10 June last year. I haven't posted about it till now. I guess because it's the anniversary month. A horrible 31 month battle with gastric cancer. I lay beside her for 10 days in Hospice Care. We were married 40 years.
The only thing I've learned is that I used to say I wish I would have gone first. Don't be the one left.
Now, I say I'm glad I didn’t go 1st. There is no chance in hell I would have wanted her to experience the last 12 months.
I want to thank the DU community because it has been the primary source of connection for me during this year. And remains so today.
Peace and strength to all those who are grieving.
= new reply since forum marked as read
...on DU. The word is yahrzeit - a year's time since the passing of a family member. Anniversary never feels quite right to me for marking a sad occasion.
Wishing you some serenity on the yahrzeit of the loss of your beloved wife. 
As to my other examples, I was recalling die Tafel and der Rock. After googling, I guess I can forgive myself for confusing dress with skirt after 50+ years of not using the language.
It still makes no sense, to me, for an item of clothing typically worn by females to be a masculine noun - 
Out of curiosity, I just looked up the German word for bra/brassiere, and wouldn't you know (as I'm sure you do), it's also a masculine noun - 
thoughts for peace as you grieve. May every good memory of times with your wife comfort you 
.
Anniversaries can be very emotional, and this is so new for you.
Its amazing sometimes where we can all find strength... I found it here also after the passing of my Dad and brother..
Thanks so much, kairos12, for sharing this supremely heavy and intimate loss AND your feelings about it.
I'm glad you posted about this. Seems to me there are many of us DUers who are in our 60s and 70s, at least judging from posts I've read, and "that" time no longer seems as far away as it used to. I find it so comforting that we can all crowd around the online campfire here and keep each other company. And share memories. And sorrows. And fears. And yearnings.
And I always take comfort from that post by our Skittles, long ago, reminding that "someone's always here." I hope you're able to take full advantage of that, cuz it's for real. And it's really made a difference. Sure got me through some bumps on the road. And the best part of all is that it happens to be true. Thank goodness.
May you find solace in your memories of her from happier times.
I lost my sick husband two years ago, haven't posted, either, except to say I feel you.
fwiw, last year I began what's variously called "heart work," and learned and felt more peace about life (more than in my former professional life, and more than from therapy decades ago) in doing good for others. One example is when I studied more about the historical Jesus, and learned that his first public speaking was to entirely shift the world view of blessings -- and now mine, answering my church's call to help part time at its full time 5 day/wk food pantry.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven;
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in spirit, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Witnessing to Jesus has helped grow my faith in humankind.
He says he hasn't come for the righteous, but for the suffering and the broken.
Who are, unbeknownst to many in the world, pretty much all of us.
Thank you for posting.
I have always envied those who found great love. But it is always followed by great pain, when one of you passes away.
Having never been married, I don't know what this feels like. But I watched my dad go through it after my mom passed away. They had been married almost 66 years.
Watching my dad, what I learned was that the best thing he did for himself was to keep busy, and stay in a routine. I think it helped keep his mind off of how much it hurt.
I lost both of my parents within five months of each other. And I learned that the best thing I could do was to hold on to the love. And that's what I tell everyone to do. Hold on to the love. It gets you through the pain. The pain never fully goes away. But the love eventually makes it bearable. At least it did for me.
May her memory be eternal.
You are living my worst fear. Illness and death make us feel so small.
Hugs for you.
My heartfelt condolences to you and your loved ones. 
Just returned from family visit, and the sentiment becomes stronger every day.
Peace and strength to you especially on this sad anniversary.
I understand your comment about not going 1st. I saw my Dad have to deal with my mother's death after 53 years of marriage. It was a very tough time to get through and I wouldn't have wanted to see my mother go through that.
I hope you have love and peace in the memories you cherish of your wife.
I understand why you have not posted before. It is beyond difficult.
Please take strength and understanding from all of us at DU and heal.
My heartfelt condolences on your loss.
May beautiful memories fill you with peace and love.