as a male feminist i have a question

[retrowire]

how should I deal with sexism amongst coworkers?

the problem is, I'm the youngest employee of my company and my coworkers are mostly ex military men.

they're good guys, but the sexism that seems instilled in them slips out as a harmless joke every once and a while and I get offended.

I already reported one guy to HR because of some over ogling of a female coworker, followed by some tasteless commentary.

I feel my hands are tied now. I can't go reporting people to HR every time something happens and because of my age and non involvement with the military, I doubt my words are respected.

I am close with these guys, we've worked together for a while and I know they don't TRULY believe what they say. but still, to me it's as careless as making a lighthearted racist joke and prefacing it with "I'm not racist but..."

meh, I'm just venting. I'm sure it'll be fine.

[femmocrat]

1. You are in a difficult spot.

First, the female workers need to do the reporting. You could serve as a witness if asked, though.

I think if you go around reporting these guys and acting all offended, they will turn their nastiness on you. You need some allies among the women and then maybe schedule a conference with HR as a group. Then it is up to HR to offer the offenders some guidance.

In the meantime, I would avoid any gatherings of these guys such as the break room or around the water cooler. I would just politely and discreetly make myself unavailable to participate in their banter. Just walk away or make an excuse, doesn't matter.

Good luck.

[Sherman A1]

2. Agreed

This appears to be a difficult situation and I believe that your advice is spot on.

[retrowire]

3. good ideas but

the women in the workplace are never targeted except for that one incident which I reported.

it's mostly in their language and jokes, which also isn't quite common but still it grates me.

I can't avoid gatherings of the group because there my team and we work in a lab together.

[NV Whino]

4. If there is any one of the guys you are particularly close to and trust

Have a chat with him. Tell him you are uncomfortable with the sexist banter, and you think it is inappropriate. Ask him to approach the other guys. If they've grown up with this kind of behavior, they may not even realize they are doing it.

This is a tricky situation. If you are not close to anyone, this will not work, and he/they will turn on you.

[retrowire]

5. actually I did do that

for a while he would warn the others that the walls have ears but that didn't last long really.

[NV Whino]

6. Too bad

I think you have done all you can do personally. A little hard core education has to come from the company itself. And the move to do so has to be initiated by the women.

[retrowire]

7. well i guess thats a relief.

I mean at least I started a dialogue in the company about it.

[blkqt]

8. Stand your ground.

If you're going to call yourself a male feminist, you're going to have to accept that you're going to be put in these kinds of situations. For every man that chooses to side with sexism, another woman has to suffer out of his selfishness.

You're Indebted to women by calling yourself a feminist and you have to own this responsibility as being a man. If you value petty social relationships over pushing our agenda then you're not a real feminist, and should stop posing as one.

[retrowire]

9. yeah I've done my part though and i still discourage that conversation

but I'm not losing my job over it.

I have a woman that I put above all others and I will keep a roof over her head.

[uppityperson]

10. Why would a man who supports feminism be indebted to women?

[LanternWaste]

11. I think being an example is among the most effective

I think being the best example possible of what we expect from ourselves and others is among the most effective methods of allowing others perspectives they may not otherwise have have access to.

[JFKDem62]

13. I agree

Speak out when you can, but being an example is the best avenue.