Something positive I have realized due to the Kavanaugh situation...

[Lisa0825]

I have never posted in this group before, but didn't want to post this in the main forum.

My first time having sex was via date rape. I have shared this openly. I had just turned 17, and the guy was a very popular HS football player whom I was really excited to be out with. We were making out, and I wanted to stop, and said no many times, but he was big and strong, and I didn't try to put up a physical fight. I felt that since I didn't physically try to stop him, it wasn't rape, until I learned more much later.

I haven't really felt like I had any lasting issues from that night. I pretty much just moved past it. However, this week, I heard someone on MSNBC (I did not catch her name, but she had a very short black or dark brown hair with gray) say that it was not uncommon for an assault/rape victim to befriend or go on additional dates with a perpetrator to try to normalize what happened.

That stunned me, because that is exactly what I did, and why I have never told all the details to anyone. I have told close friends and even strangers online that I was date raped, but I never told anyone that we had a second date, because I thought they would think I was crazy for that. But in the mind of a very young, VERY insecure girl, if we became a couple, maybe it would all be all right.

Until I heard that woman on MSNBC, I had no idea this was not an unusual reaction, and that was really the only part of it that I still felt bad about, that I wouldn't even admit to friends. I feel like I let go of the last part of that experience that still bothered me when I thought about it.

I hate that so many people I know are feeling so triggered by all this. I wish I could hug them all.

[oldtime dfl_er]

1. And I wish I could hug you

we are all dealing with various levels of PTSD and triggering. This is really interesting, though. It makes a lot of sense.

[Lisa0825]

5. Thanks. My heart breaks for those struggling with this. nt

[dchill]

2. Rape is insidious. You are courageous.

[Lisa0825]

6. I feel like we really have a chance to change the culture at this time.

I hope it happens, but I am not sure it will.

During the hearings with Anita Hill, people thought it would change so much for women in the workplace, and yet we still have so far to go. I hope this, along with #MeToo enable us to forge ahead.

[dchill]

9. The Republicans started shoveling their own political...

graves today. The smarter ones need to carefully consider their next steps - there are possibly few left to take.

[MaryMagdaline]

3. Thank you for telling us your story. So sad to hear it but this

Is something I never knew and it is helpful to know (the desire of the victim for normalcy)

[Lisa0825]

7. It was hard for me to understand why I did that. I feel like a mystery have been solved for me. nt

[Permanut]

4. Thanks for sharing your story..

Thank you for helping this old white guy to understand what happened. I haven't walked in your shoes, and never will. I and all of the men I associate with would step in to protect our wives, sisters, aunts, cousins, daughters, nieces and you.

[Lisa0825]

8. Thank YOU for being an ally.