This might not be the right place

[Marthe48]

How do I come to terms when I learn that people I know have been arrested for sexual assault? One was a person I've known for over 10 years, and the other was a relative I've known all his life. I can't say I'm close to either of them. I don't know details of their charges, except they were arrested.

I cared about these men. I care that they've hurt others. I don't have to be in touch with either ever again. But I'd like to end the conflict I'm having about their crimes. I've known for several weeks, and haven't talked about it to anyone.

I know this is a really difficult topic and if anyone can offer advice, many thanks. I appreciate the effort of reaching out.

[wryter2000]

1. I can't help

But I can give you a K&R

[SheltieLover]

2. Possibly read about their chages to gain understanding

OIf you can stand to.

Then think back on their behavior when you have been in their presence.

Child predators do not wear signs announcing they are predators.

Perhaps journal about it?

Dr. James Pennebaker has some great, benchmark, therapeutic journaling material, online, for free.

Also, Writing Down Your Soul, by Janet Connor, is excellent.

[Marthe48]

6. I looked and saw info about one person

A newspaper report. I don't know the outcome. Finding out was shocking, and heartbreaking. I didn't find information about the other person, more than what a mutual friend told me.

Reading comments on my post. I appreciate the help. I'll keep processing the news. After a year of Covid-19, those losses and the losses just because time passes, it is hard to accept that relationships or memories are going to change, and maybe go down the drain.

[SheltieLover]

9. I'm sure this is difficult to process

I've had some very different, but equally disturbing issues arise with people I've known long-term as well. Sometimes it feels as if much of life has been like a very confusing house of mirrors.

[Marthe48]

10. I've been pretty open-minded over the years

But this time, other people got hurt. It helped to talk about it, even casually.

I hope you have found ways to absorb the hits.

[SheltieLover]

11. I've learned to live mindfully, in the moment

Yet, I think repeated heavy hits from life has made me feel a bit defensive.

Yes, I can certainly understand. Glad chatting about this has been helpful! It often is & we are always here for you!

[Marthe48]

12. DU is my go-to for everything

so much wisdom and humanity just for the asking

[SheltieLover]

13. Same here!

[Kali]

3. sexual assault is a pretty broad charge.

as is EVERYTHING in life, there are degrees, ambiguity, and complicated situations. legally there is the concept of the presumption of innocence. to me it would depend on a lot of factors, including history and specific charges that would need consideration. we can care about and love people who do bad things. what we shouldn't do is enable continued bad behavior.

[Marthe48]

7. Yes, this is what I am having trouble with

Thank you for posting this.

[murielm99]

4. I know someone who was arrested for that.

He admitted his guilt. He spent the night in jail after his arrest. In court, he was sentenced to five years probation and counseling. Some other serious restrictions were put on his freedom. He could not drive for eighteen months. He was restricted in how and when he could be around others.

He lost his family.

He remained in counseling for fourteen years. One adult son and one daughter have resumed a relationship with him.

He has never reoffended.

I have a friendship with him because he has accepted his guilt and his faults and moved on.

Other types of offenders pay for their crimes and move on. I don't mean to be offensive, but maybe you should talk to a counselor, too.

I know that when I first learned about it, I sat in one place and shook uncontrollably. My husband helped me come to terms with things, somewhat.

This man is nearly seventy now. He needs to be forgiven.

Maybe your acquaintances have not come this far in their atonement and healing. All of you have my prayers and good wishes.

[gibraltar72]

5. I too am trembling with rage today.

Neighbors a couple doors down had children removed from their care. This is a home where parents and grandparents abused the kids. In turn one of the older boys raped a younger child from another family. They have been a disaster from day one. Probably 10 or more people in house. Two older boys apparently testified Grandpa made them stay in backyard all night to keep people from stealing their pot. They not only fucked up the kids now another neighbors child is fucked up.

[Marthe48]

8. Horrible news to hear

A man at the end of our street killed his infant son, heard about that crime in Jan. One thing after another. I hope the victim gets counseling. Hope the victims of abuse get help. Hope the adults are punished.

With all of the help available, and people talking about abuse and sex crimes, no one can plead ignorance.