Breaking: Insane legal update on Trump's ballroom - Another Day - Brian Tyler Cohen

[TexasTowelie]

BTC: Republicans now want your tax dollars to pay for Trump's ballroom because they are the party of fiscal responsibility. This is just another day.

After this weekend's harrowing events at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, the Trump administration has chosen to use this moment of national unity to focus on the people who could benefit most from it, themselves.

[cut to video]
Host: Trump administration also now pushing to remove all legal obstacles to get the new White House ballroom completed. The Justice Department called on a historic preservation group to drop its lawsuit that is slowing down construction.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Yes, when it comes to taking action on things not related to billionaire pedophiles, this DOJ sure knows how to act fast.

Last Monday night, the Department of Justice filed a motion demanding that a federal judge dissolve the injunction that was put in place in March after the National Trust for Historic Preservation sued to stop construction of the ballroom, arguing it requires congressional approval. And I think we all remember how Donald Trump reacted to the news of that ruling.

[inset video of construction occurring at White House]

BTC: Exactly. But it wasn't just the act of this late night motion, apologies for the way that sounds, that made news. It was something else that just didn't sit right.

[cut to video from The Hill]
Lindsey Granger: Now, many people online were quick to criticize how the motion was written, pointing out that it resembled one of Trump's Truth Social posts more than an official legal filing.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Well, I highly doubt that. You see, the Department of Justice has long been a separate and distinct entity from the White House and if there's one administration that respects that distance more than their predecessors, it is Donald Trump's. So, let's just have a look at what these lefty libs are whining about.

One excerpt says, "Because it is Donald J. Trump, a highly successful real estate developer who has abilities others don't, especially those who assume the office of the president, this frivolous and meritless lawsuit was filed." The filing states again, "It's called Trump Derangement Syndrome."

Well, uh, look, I didn't go to law school. Maybe that's just how they teach you to write these things. Tell you what, let's just take a look at one more.

“The National Trust for Historic Preservation is a beautiful name, but even their name is fake because when they add the words in the United States to the National Trust for Historic Preservation, it makes it sound like a Governmental Agency, which it is not.”

Hm. Still sounds straight out of Harvard Law to me.

But besides the ass kissing from Trump's DOJ, there were some others in DC who had a new take on Trump's currently stunted ballroom.

[cut to video from C-SPAN]
Lindsey Graham: We're going to introduce legislation that would authorize $400 million to be spent to secure the pre to build the presidential ballroom.

We've paid for it by offsetting it with custom fees, but the estimate is $332 million. We're going to do $400 million because I think it's probably going to take more. Private donations can be used, but I think they should be used for buying china and stuff like that.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Sure, stuff like that. I mean, you got to have the fine china. What are we just a bunch of dudes living in a frat house?

[inset image of Pete Hegseth]

BTC: Don't answer that. Point is, nice dishware is just one of those got to haves. Not like those other frivolous things like health care or food assistance or cancer research--stuff that the Republican party was happy to not pay for. And for Lindsey “my girlfriend lives in Canada” Graham, he is sure that the American public is on his side.

[cut to video from C-SPAN]
Lindsey Graham: I want to see where is America on this. I'll bet you 90% of the people would love to have a better facility than the Hilton Hotel to make sure this crap never happens again. I can't tell you what to say on the Senate floor, but I've never seen it like this. There are people out there just one click away from picking up a gun or something else and and trying to make America better by killing. You don't make America great by killing people you don't like.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Got it. According to Senator Graham, if 90% of people in our country want something, something that will keep even just one person safe from a crazed gunman, then it's worth doing.

[cut to video from The Washington Post]
Narrator: The overwhelming majority of Americans support background checks for purchasing a gun. Washington Post and ABC News polling from 2019 found that 89% of Americans support expanding background checks for private and gun show sales.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Whoa. 89% pretty darn close to 90 if you ask me. I'm sure for a guy like Lindsey whose party's been able to look past so many of Donald Trump's transgressions, he and his flock would be cool with letting one measly percent slide to vote for that background check bill. Right.

[cut to video from The Washington Post]
Narrator: HR8, also known as the Bipartisan Background Checks Act of 2021, was formulated nearly a decade ago after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting left 26 dead. It passed the House last year.

Temporary House Speaker: The bill is passed.

Narrator: But has since been stalled in the Senate due to a lack of Republican support.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Ah, stalled in the Senate. Well, whoever works in that chamber, must lie awake at night rattled with guilt and shame, possibly for a multitude of reasons. Well, surely this Republican party, these hawks of fiscal responsibility, will not sit idly by as Lindsey Graham wastes millions of taxpayer dollars on a lavish event space that has already been paid for.

[cut to video from MeidasTouch]
Reporter: Would you oppose taxpayer like being paid for by the public?

Unidentified: No, probably not either because it's it's the White House. Other presidents have done additions to the White House, too.

Lauren Boebert: I'm working on legislation to uh ensure that we are getting the ballroom funded.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Gosh, I thought Lauren Boebert's hand would have gotten tired by now, but I guess she's still got some energy to jerk the American people around. Why the fuck are we even having this conversation about $400 million when I recall someone saying something about all of this being paid for?

[cut to video]
Reporter: Trump says the project is being funded entirely by private donors. The White House reportedly securing millions from Lockheed Martin and Google. Microsoft, Apple, and Meta also reportedly listed as potential donors.

[cut to video from C-SPAN]
Trump: No government tell us no.

[cut to video from C-SPAN]
Trump: You've been you've been so generous in your contributions. Uh very substantial money fully financed. It's fully taken care of now. And in fact, we'll have money left over.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Oh, how nice. I assume that instead of paying for anything our nation actually needs, that bit of extra cash will go into Trump's golden trinket fund.

The reality is Donald Trump telling the American people that we're getting something for free only to find themselves completely on the hook for that thing is not exactly what I would call a new scenario. In fact, it's one of the biggest hits and he's been playing it for years.

[cut to video]
Trump: We're going to build the wall. We have no choice. We have no choice.

[cut to video from CNBC]
Trump: And Mexico's going to pay for the wall.

[cut to video from AP]
Trump: And Mexico will pay for the wall.

[cut to video]
Trump: Who's going to pay for the wall? 100%.

[cut to studio]
BTC: That phrase was so popular and catchy, it achieved call and response status. It was the political equivalent of asking who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

[inset video of SpongeBob SquarePants]

BTC: Exactly. The only problem is unlike Mr. SquarePants, Trump's idea wasn't real.

[cut to video from CNN]
Reporter: When you say Mexico is going to pay for the wall, you never expected that they would write you a check. But during your campaign, I don't expect…

Trump: When I say Mexico, excuse me. When I say Mexico is going to pay for the wall, do you think they're going to write a check for 20 billion or 10 billion or 5 billion or 2 cents? No, they're paying for the wall in a great trade deal.

[cut to video from Forbes Breaking News]
Tom Homan: Trump said Mexico won't pay for the wall. They have in a roundabout way, have they not?

[cut to studio]
BTC: Well, I guess when I think about it in that roundabout way, the answer is still no. Seeing as by the time Trump left his first term in office, quite reluctantly, if I recall, American taxpayers were already on the hook for $15 billion toward constructing the wall. So, mental note, don't put Tom Homan in charge of your finances. He'll probably just tell you how in a roundabout way, Bugatti is paying you to drive their car.

But that border wall wasn't the only thing we didn't have to pay for, but eventually had to pay for.

[cut to video from The Guardian]
Trump: They're giving us a free jet. I could say, "No, no, no. don't give us I want to pay you a billion or $400 million or whatever it is. Or I could say thank you very much.

[cut to video from The Wall Street Journal]
Trump: I could be a stupid person and say oh no we don't want a free plane. We give free things out. We'll take one too.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Yeah. What are you going to be a stupid person? They're giving them away. It's like a t-shirt cannon but with a plane. What are you going to not put your hand in the air to catch one? They're free.

[cut to video CBS News Washington DC]
Reporter: Some estimates put uh this retro fitting as they call it to up to a billion dollars. So the the aircraft may be $400 million. It's going to cost a billion dollars estimated because they have to strip it right down to the cables.

[cut to studio]
BTC: Oh, so he was just off by a billion dollars. Classic mistake. You know how sometimes a restaurant will advertise that kids eat free when what they meant to say was kids meals $1 billion.

I think it's pretty clear now that Donald Trump never intended for others to foot the bill for his ballroom. Whether this comes to light tomorrow or years from now, you don't need a crystal ball to see that we, the taxpayers, were always going to be on the hook because he and his party do not care about people who are struggling. They don't care if you're worried about how you're going to pay for health care, for groceries, or for your rent. They only care about providing for themselves.

[inset video]
Lindsey Graham: I want to see where is America on this.

BTC: What does it matter? You'll just ignore them anyway.

[some_of_us_are_sane]

1. Brian Tyler Cohen is always on point

(And funny as well. I could almost hear Jimmy Kimmel reading this as a monologue.