The Borowitz Report: Is Trump Like Napoleon?

[FakeNoose]

Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/is-trump-like-napoleon

According to a new report in The Atlantic, Donald Trump thinks he’s one of history’s great conquerors—like Napoleon.

“He’s been talking recently about how he is the most powerful person to ever live,” a confidant said. “He wants to be remembered as the one who did things that other people couldn’t do, because of his sheer power and force of will.”

I hate to break it to Delusional Don, but unless insulting Europe on Truth Social is the same thing as conquering it, he’s no Napoleon. But I do have a consolation prize for him—and, as the first-ever recipient of the FIFA Peace Prize, he clearly cherishes those. He’s a lot like history’s other Napoleon: the largely forgotten (for good reason) Napoleon III.

In 1840, King Louis Philippe of France ordered Napoleon I’s remains returned to Paris from the island of St. Helena, where the former emperor had spent his final years in exile. Louis hoped that importing this relic of France’s glorious past would boost his own sagging popularity, but instead it made the French realize how much cooler it would be to have a glamorous ruler like Napoleon rather than their dud of a king.

Eight years later, they got their wish: there was a third French revolution (after the first two in 1789 and 1830, they were getting pretty good at this). The French replaced their king with a legally elected president: Napoleon’s nephew, Charles-Louis Napoleon Bonaparte.

Voters who hoped this new Napoleon would usher in a long, magnificent period of French democracy might have been unaware of a trait he shared with Trump: a fondness for coup d’états.

He already had two coup attempts on his resume, in 1836 and 1840, both failed bids to overthrow Louis-Philippe. In 1851, he gave it another go, and the third time was the charm: he launched a coup against his own government, and, faster than you can say “Hang Mike Pence,” dissolved the French Assembly.

In addition to plotting coups, he shared another favorite pastime with Trump: mass deportations. He arrested thousands of political foes and dispatched them to remote penal colonies (Algeria was a favorite destination). To cement his new status as a brutal tyrant, in 1852 he crowned himself Emperor Napoleon III. (There had already been a Napoleon II: the original Napoleon bestowed that title on his son, who, in a cautionary tale for nepo babies everywhere, never ruled.)

In all the worst ways, Napoleon III’s reign, the Second Empire, resembled Trump’s Second Shitshow. There was rampant corruption, cronyism, and demolition that dwarfed the bulldozing of the East Wing: he mandated the destruction of 60 to 70 percent of the buildings in Paris.

Though modernization was the stated reason for this ambitious remodeling project, it also had a sinister objective. Widening Paris’s streets enabled Napoleon III’s troops to roam the city and shoot people, just in case the French were thinking of launching yet another revolution. (Trump might think that mowing down his own citizens was his brilliant innovation, but Napoleon III blazed the trail.)

The emperor was a role model for Trump in other ways. His prolific philandering infuriated his wife, Empress Eugenie, who rarely shared his bed. As for his personal aesthetic, he just couldn’t get enough gold, as this photo of his drawing room illustrates.

- more at link -

Andy Borowitz gives us an interesting history lesson today. Please read the rest on The Borowitz Report.

He finishes today's column by asking his readers this: What historical figure does Trump most remind you of? If any DUers have a good answer, please post it below.