If women were the ones EXPECTED FROM BIRTH to be wage slaves...

[MadrasT]

3. OK, I will give it a go.

Last edited Tue Mar 5, 2013, 11:25 AM - Edit history (1)

I think what you are getting at is the idea that men are expected from birth to be providers for women and children? And that kind of sucks?

If that assumption is correct, here is what I have to say about that.

I was born almost 50 years ago in a female body. My parents raised me with the expectation that I would grow up, choose a profession, and support myself. If I met a man and got married, that was a side issue. It was never part of the "how to survive" game plan for me.

From age 16 to age 23, while in high school and college, I dated a man who was older than me who was employed full time. I was an unemployed student most of that time, and thus he paid for almost everything all the time.

I hated it. I felt like a prostitute.

From the moment I got my first full time job, I have fully supported myself. Even when I was married (for 20 years), my husband and I split every last household expense 50/50. To the penny. We kept a ledger and even had separate bank accounts. When I wanted to go back to school, it was on me to figure out how to pay for it. When he wanted to go back to school, same thing. We divorced after 20 years because he was a hoarder and I couldn't take living like that. We were friends - and would have remained friends - had he not died soon after. Money was *never* an issue in our relationship because we were 50/50 equally invested in joint things, and provided for ourselves the extra things we wanted to have. (If I needed new car, I figured out how to pay for a new car, we didn't have to figure out as a couple if we could afford a new car or how to pay for a new car. We each bought our own books and videos and musical instruments and everything else that was a "me" item.)

That tl;dr story leads to this...

Now I am dating a man who makes 1/4 what I make. He loves his job and doesn't make a lot of money, but makes enough to support himself. I hate my job but make a lot of money and it is a trade I am OK with. But, it is incumbent on me to pay for much more than half of our "joint expenses". I am expected to pay for vacations, pay for more than half of the times we eat out, etc., etc., simply because I have more money coming in.

I don't like it and I will be honest, it creates some minor resentment inside me on occasion. But in this case, it is my choice to continue the relationship, and the good things about the relationship outweigh the financial imbalance. And if I waited for a man who was my financial equal I would have a long wait. I have chosen to be in this position.

If it were a societal expectation that I support another person (as it is still for many men) I would resent the hell out of it.