Binged during a meeting (zoom.) [View all]
Not the first time either. It had been a good day. Lived with the tension between wanting and having food and getting enough steps to cover it, got home early so the extra eating started early. Hung in there til supper time, then it was off to the races bingeing and purging. I had food in my hand and the meeting on, thought that I could go ask for help right then, and still chose the binge.
Thing is it had been a quiet day. No major mistakes to ruminate over. In fact I had gotten good news about being rehired at my job for next year. So why punish myself, if for no other reason than I deep down don’t believe I deserve good days? Anyone like this? I am struggling like crazy with life and self acceptance. I say all the right affirmations. I plant the seeds, but they fall on hard ground. How do you force yourself to let go and let love in?
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