Binged during a meeting (zoom.)

[jaxexpat]

4. The general wisdom about self-realization revolves around personal "hit rock bottom" events.

In a world of security insurances and spread-sheet predictivity it's hard to achieve a survivable incident which renders that sort of personal epiphany. The isolation of the pandemic tends to insulate us from even the most mundane corrections. We're often left ungrounded and twisting in the wind, so to speak, an aggravating condition and an unnatural position. I understand your position, I think. Like an artistic soul who has no talent. Frustrating.
Do a diary documenting everything you do and experience. Leave out no detail. Avoid analyzing though, odd introspective dalliances are too droll in the retelling unless you have plans to be a stand-up comic. Simply relate the events. This drudge work should keep you occupied enough to get through and provide interesting reading for a future time when you need to mollify some passing exuberance. Oh and it's spring, too. Probably an allergy.