I've never done group therapy so I've really got no experience at commenting about the problems others face.
I know from my experience that invalidation, even hints of invalidation that come from corrective suggestions from the SO, can be very distressing. I really don't want to do that to anyone.
After some thought, I came to this, which I think is mostly true...It's important for a person seeking support to be validated in their feelings. Whether we are in distress, joyful, or confused--we feel what we feel. There's really nothing to discuss other than acknowledging that the feelings were communicated and understood.
When I first got the borderline dx, I was relieved it wasn't anti-social behavior or schizophrenia (which runs on my mom's side of the family).
At that time I knew nothing about borderline, I'd never heard of it. All I knew were my own symptoms which include episodes of ferocious anger and tremendous anxiety about being abandoned (although actual abandonment isn't really a theme of my life). So I went to Google and made a search on it. The first thing that popped up was a book for non-borderlines, about the dangers of falling in love with a borderline!
That really shook me. My GOD! I thought...People are actually encouraging intimates of borderlines (like me) to runaway from that borderline and not look back! That slammed one of my worst fears! All I could think was that the SO is going to find that book...Then oh what a DISASTER!!!!
So, I know that, at least for borderlines like me, the support for non-dx caregivers/intimates can accidentally generate distress in the dx.
I don't want to do that, I don't want to do that to either the lurking dx or non-dx.
.
.
.
I could sit and do nothing about this, yet, over the last couple of years I've sat and looked at posts in this group and sensed that someone who needed support had their thread sitting with no replies. But I was afraid of screwing up and making that person feel worse. Maybe we all should expect to screw up, maybe acknowledging feelings is a start, better than being ignored...I dunno...
.
.
.
So. This being supportive thing is something I want to understand...and I know I don't know how to do it, at least I don't yet.
I have an inkling that something like the following is also true, but I don't seem to be able to get my head around it to figure out how to do it ...
To be very good at the supportive thing requires awareness of potential feelings on the 2 or more facets of these issues that we can imagine. And I think that maybe somewhere in the midst of the narrative that's posted by a person seeking support is a truism that I can find if I'm perceptive enough. And if I can 'get it' correctly, although that truism may be narrow and not validate everything a person writes, it will still be powerful because it is a truism for the person needing support and those who lurk as well.
Still a work in progress...