I have no motivation.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

10. I take adderall

For the adhd.

I read something online about the lack of motivation thing. About the process of healing from trauma.

When you are in survival mode you power through tasks because it’s part of hypervilagence.I have been guilty of this for years driving myself like a mule. I got shit done because I had to or else was what I thought and felt.
The or else was the dread of punishment.

So ironically I have dissociative disorder and ptsd. Never considered it would mess with my perception of my motivation.

When traumatized people start healing thier motivation feels like it goes pouf. So when they start to get back normal motivation it feels like no motivation because they have never had normal levels of motivation.

I look at my situation counting from 5 days ago. Day 1 I took everything off my shelves and it’s a lot of stuff, and put it in a place that wouldn’t be in the way. Day 2 I did nothing the next day but the usual chores. Day 3 II put some of my. stuff back on the other shelves. This is when I discovered the problem with my big shelf.


And today I put my big Egyptian gods statues I painted on top of the glass cabinet as the top is metal.

I looked at the construction of my sturdy shelves and figured out what I need are backside bracers of wood.

4 or 5 plywood boards 30 inches wide by 1 or 2 feet tall to hammer into the backside of the shelf. Spray paint them white, on the frontside and screw them in. This is even more easy to do than brackets or the drill holes.

Or I could get one huge plywood sheet have it cut at Lowe’s and paint it white with spray paint and nail it in.

Even though I don’t have a car I have a rolling pallet cart that I can use to get the boards home.

Also today I washed dishes, made my bed, cooked meals and washed and folded and put up some clothes.
Dispite my back hurting( got to get the shots again).

This whole shelf arranging thing was because for my birthday I got a glass cabinet ( it even locks) to display and protect the 110 little Egyptian gods I have painted that took over a year to do. It will also hold a lot of my other collectables too. It’s pretty big.

All I gotta get are some risers and quake putty next month then they’ll look great and be in a safe place.

So looking back I’m doing ok I am getting stuff done, just not doing it all yesterday that’s all.