Big morning, tears in my coffee...therapy at noon...

[FirstLight]

I finally reached out to my other kid, the one who I had so many issues with as a teen and basically kicked out of the house when he was 19. We'd been doing better, before the horrific bitch that tried to kill me cut me off from both of my children...

Anyway, I wrote him an email about 2000 words...explained everything. Also told him to please please get help for his own trauma that I caused and that our body chemistry is so similar that he should get meds and aviod alcohol at all costs... He had shared through a mutual friend he got the dreaded Psoriatic Arthritis diagnosis, which I suspect also plays a part in our adhd and addiction issues.

I told him I wanted to make connection but that we all need to work on our own stuff and heal separately, hopefully we can come together again, I miss US. I apologized for the cycle of abuse and trauma that I had imprinted in my psyche and my behavior as a mom growing up. I also said that since we have a history of verbal abuse between us that email helps us keep a little distance...because I am deep in trauma therapy and need to be safe with my own self.

I cried in my coffee, and told him I have a new lease on life, and that I could have died and nobody would have even known. And I want to make sure that I use the rest of thihs life to heal our family's cycles as best I can.

I have therapy appt at noon...so much has happened in my journey in just this week. I'm still SO emotionally wobbly. I know I am making progress and having some real positive results with myself...but I also know that I hit depression HARD over thanksgiving for 2 days and need to confront that as well.

Thanks for being here, letting kme vent and share as usual. It helps me process my own inner thoughts to write it down as well. (I have a journal, too!)