because my maternal grandfather died of cancer before I was born. My Mom recounted an incident from her childhood that made me glad I never met him, and sad and angry at him for her.
He was a farmer who moved to the USA from Italy. He and my grandmother had 8 children. 3 girls 5 boys. One day when my mother was about ten apparently he was up on a ladder fixing a roof on their tool shed. He dropped his hammer. He saw my Mom walking by. He asked her to pick it up and bring it to him. She said she couldn't because Grandma had asked her to go get the cows into the barn and she was already running late.
Apparently he came down off the ladder, picked up the hammer, and smacked her in the back of the head with it. One of my uncles saw what happened and went and got Grandma. My uncle said grandpa just climbed up the ladder and just left my mother lying on the ground. Grandma apparently screamed, "you kill her," and told my Uncle to go call the doctor. Obviously Mom survived, but why would anyone do that to any child?
I also heard if anyone of the 8 were home even 10 minutes late from attending school events, he'd lock them out of the house and make them sleep in the barn. My poor Aunt had to knock on the window when she saw my grandma near it. Grandma opened it and my aunt climbed in, in her prom dress. They didn't dare use the door for fear he'd find out. Also after one of my Uncle had an accident and died, one of my other Uncle's went to see his daughter a few weeks after the funeral and said, "I don't know if your Dad was ever mean to you, but if he was forgive him, because our father was mean as hell, and he was the only example of a Dad we had.
I chose not to get married or have children because I read how whether genetic or environmental abusive behavior can be passed down through the generations. There was no way I was going to take the chance that I could pass it on in any way shape or form.
In my Mom's defense she never even spanked me, she was just constantly telling me I didn't know how to do anything right.
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