I agree, NEVER stop fighting. I didn't ask for this bipolar crap, but I'll be damned if it's going to take me down. I sure wondered, as no doubt EVERYONE on this forum will confirm, but I never got to the point of giving up.
Honestly, that was the single hardest thing about my hospital and then support group experiences, seeing people who just gave up trying to have lives not mired in mental health issues. I know some people truly have neurobiological disease to the extent that they can only do so well no matter what.
But I discussed this a lot with my therapist. Her day job is at a private inpatient facility, and she says that a lot of patients quit trying to help themselves because they buy into the victim thing and get something out of it, attention, sympathy, whatever.
That really scared me, because of the thought "oh, God, what if that is me in two years?" And from the first day I met with my case manager, I told her I didn't have room in my life for ONE mental health crisis, and I sure as Hell am never going to have another one. So it was hard hearing people talk about multiple suicide attempts, hospitalizations, years of the drug-go-round, substance abuse, permanent disability, etc. Because that is not me. God knows I have problems, because of what I went through as a kid, but I am not so messed up that I am beyond functional. I'm extremely functional as long as I'm not scared out of my mind as I was this summer.
I wanted to edit to add this analogy I said to my therapist. If the psych ward was a passenger jet that crashed, most of the survivors were critical, severed limbs, severe burns, broken bones, massive head trauma, and I was walking around a little dazed with a sprained wrist and a one inch gash on my forehead. That's how I felt being there.
I also tried my hardest, even at my lowest, to be a cheerleader for this group. I thought it might help some of them and myself as well.
It won't be me in 2 years. Or 20. Or ever.
It's very sad, but to be perfectly frank, there is part of me that is a little disgusted with someone who won't try to fight and solve their problems, no matter it is a physical health issue, a mental health issue, relationship problems, financial problems, whatever.
Sorry, if I have to pick between being Mr. 7th suicide attempt or Mr. rides 50 miles and bench presses 200 lbs i am going to run as fast as I can away from the first choice like Satan himself is after me, and embrace the second choice with everything I have.
I did like this line from the film the other night: "This is what I believe to be true, you have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining."
Because I absolutely believe that to be true. Work at it, don't let it take you down.
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