My ADHD paralysis is overwhelming

[jfz9580m]

15. I do find that net use makes mine worse

But I have to use the net some. I was never an internet evangelist. I thought (and still do) that everyone was online to waste time or occasionally get some useful info. Then open who aren’t are people like activists or journalists. Thats different. But ironically enough, now I am forced to use the web due to the lack of any meaningful hr or regulation or portal to file serious complaints.

I use DU and some other things I scan generally trusting them to not go in lousy directions.

And I seriously never got the social web. I get DU. This is an activist sort of place.

Just before Trumps inauguration last year, I was blissfully offline mostly for a few months (aside from continuing to scour the web for work or environmental info but not connection or communication) and I really enjoyed it. After that it all went to shit. Yesterday I ran outside for the first time since the inauguration and I went back to being fully vegan a few weeks ago. Now I am ready to start work.

I have a good feeling about at least this that the worst of it is over in some ways, though lots of shit ahead no doubt. But I have had a shittier time than is easy to convey and I am very glad to no longer suffer from Stockholm Syndrome wrt ..well anything.
I was never particularly entitled etc. but this is stupid.

My thoughts have been kind of confused. I do enjoy DU off and on like some of the web, it’s true. But it’s mainly a path to some activist pushback eventually.

My pov is that they are welcome to go accelerate, innovate or other bs away from my home, my street and (given a lot of what happened) away from my data and me. But not where it was and is this annoying. Too much of a time suck. Everyone here is retired. Real activists or honest journalists (like Yasha) that’s their profession. But the rest of it is just drivel these internet companies peddle and their bogus studies aren’t science.

I only buy studies of the good quality of which also isn’t blind about Google etc. The quality of work has to be good but also no double standards where it’s all “Awwwwww a wealthy tech creep is a creep. Booo you random loser”. Thats not a fair. In these squishier areas these guys are selling a lot of junk. I am too exasperated to put it in more sophisticated terms.

And so I want to keep a place at the table for that. Because the last 15 years have simply been too much of a nuisance and whatever sprouts off of it endlessly (with the rare exception of a documentary by Yasha Levine or DU or Current Affairs Mag -I have been thinking of writing to them .ie a few rare things) is just a nuisance and needs a legal fix. I don’t plan to cave one bit. Too annoying.

I am not trying my best to be a better scientist or a decent human being to delicately look the other way about this worthless dreck. It’s okay when it doesn’t invade my street or home or networks of people I know and trust. But not when it does. And it is an apophenia trap.

I have to go immerse myself in work. And my last employer is on notice. An awful school.
My mentor was nice enough, but if he wants to go “Awwww tech creeps”, he can do it. I am not doing it. I don’t find one damn thing cool or awesome about those creeps. Anyone with that much money and muscle could pull off some stuff. It’s not that impressive. In fact quite the reverse. And even worse is their totally bogus “self policing” and kayfabe. That’s not how science works.
And I loathe spectacles and that blatantly bogus contrarianism of people very much connected to those guys but then piously and performatively humping Retractionwatch or Internet sleuths or a collection of generally annoying and pompous people.

That’s not good science. That is the spectacle and it’s bullshit. Most of the scientists and doctors I have come across are decent and they neither need secretive crap nor this tabloid garbage that is anything internet ..breadcrumbs and gossip.
This is why everything is getting tabloid, dumbed down and reality show adjacent.
I don’t buy these people like Ioannidis or that annoying and sleazy science influencer Sabine Hossenfelder..who attack all their colleagues but never have a word to say about these oligarchs.
I actually liked most of my real world colleagues and most people irl. What I don’t like are these internet creeps. They are lords of the virtual world and douchebags in the real world and I don’t think that’s a good thing. Well ..presumably douchebags irl. I don’t want to find out ever. Going by everything I see, they are peopel to absolutely avoid and I disliked the one brush I had with the world and want to abort that and all their followed. It’s really stupid and annoying and nothing like science or life but thanks for giving me the opportunity to file a series of real world complaints with real activists who are closer to the leftists I like such as Lina Khan etc than these phonies like Tristan Harris or Tegmark or their analogs anywhere or
I will do my part and file every complaint I can and not cooperate at all. It’s one thing I can do for women, humans, the planet, democracy and science. If..I can, I will really do everything I can to pushback but without any rightish stuff. Don’t get that stuff.

I used to feel dubious thinking that seems so grandiose. And now I get it. it’s not that I am anything but average. It’s that they are that bad and it’s rare that their cults ever have the wrong kinds of people stumbling through them early on. And if one does, then they have the obligation to the rest of the community to report these creeps and their lightweight rot.

They must have mistaken me for another bogus eccentric. Rather than an “authentic crazy lady” .

It’s such lightweight fluff.. such banality of evil.
Those Qanon people are daft. That’s so not how these guys are. They are lightweight and ..it’s a nightmare to have to take them seriously. It’s like every piece of pop science (emotion ai, lie detection, bschool studies) that is dislikable and this expectation of submission to some obviously stupid and creepy people or a bullshitty theatrical thing that’s another time sucking disgrace.
I have rarely seen things that have so few positives. This shit shouldn’t be called science. Just as morality and creepiness are the two sides of the same coin, with these guys lightweight fluff and hardcore austere bullshit are coupled. They should be tarred and feathered and drummed out of science..those tech creeps ..that’s what their own idiotic Lonsdale approves off. Anyway this was really stupid and I have to go offline to do real work and later, after I finish a paper I am working on, I will figure out how to file every last complaint I plan to file.
No reason to worry if people aren’t creeps or frauds. So no scientists or doctors or people I know or engage with have any reason to worry. It’s not meant to be cryptic. It’s just stupid and lame.
I seriously go when I see drivel about rabbit holes and internet sleuths and breadcrumbs..anytime a bored person finds some rubbish online that intrigues such people..usually right leaning..But ridicule works better than guns.
Anyway..really stupid. This is a dumbed down global society..I knew it when I would see pop science like “Gossip is actually really good and has an evolutionary purpose!”
No it really isn’t and it doesn’t. And endless not or not tests.. This is pathetic.
Pretty much anyone I would like or respect would mock it. I have to go work.