This line has really affected me.

[Eko]

11. But you tried.

Thats what counts. In the end do any of us actually know if we succeeded in those.
I remember when you could be a decent band and get paid to play, half way decent even. We could do 3 state tours and not lose money missing work even though we ended up sleeping at peoples houses on couches and floors or even sleeping in the van. I remember when the venues started making us pay to play and we had to sell the tickets to their venue to come out even. I quit doing tours with original bands about then and moved on to teaching and playing in a show band.
If you feel selfish posting on here then allow yourself to be a little selfish. Post away.
If you need help affording medicines ask, DU is a pretty good community and we try to help if we can. Reach out to us, dont be silent in your hurt and need.
Eko.