the war diary of late Ukrainian novelist Victoria Amelina, introduced by Margaret Atwood

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https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/feb/08/i-have-just-bought-my-first-gun-the-war-diary-of-late-ukrainian-novelist-victoria-amelina-introduced-by-margaret-atwood

the war diary of late Ukrainian novelist Victoria Amelina, introduced by Margaret Atwood

The author had turned to documenting the conflict in her homeland before she was killed by a Russian missile. Margaret Atwood introduces an exclusive extract from the book she was working on when she died

Margaret Atwood
Sat 8 Feb 2025 03.00 EST

In the middle of a war, there is little past or future, little perspective, little accurate prediction: there is only the white heat of the moment, the immediacy of perception, the intensity of emotions, including anger, dismay, and fear. In her tragically unfinished book – written from the centre of Russia’s appalling and brutal campaign to annihilate Ukraine – Victoria Amelina also records the surrealism: the sense that reality has been skewed as in a nightmare, that this cannot be happening. Bombed kindergartens, with Soviet cartoon characters smiling down from the walls. But there are also moments of courage, of companionship, the shared dedication to a cause. In this war, Russia is fighting for greed – more territory, more material resources – but Ukraine is fighting for its life; not only its life as a country, but the lives of the citizens of that country, for there is little doubt about what the outcome of a Russian win would be for Ukrainians.

…

I have just bought my first gun in downtown Lviv. I’ve heard that everyone is capable of killing, and those who say they aren’t just haven’t met the right person yet. An armed stranger entering my country might just be the “right person”.

…

I put the gun into a safe and our swimsuits into a suitcase. The invasion didn’t happen yesterday, 16 February, 2022. So I head out the door, full of hope that it will not happen at all. After all, a full-scale Russian invasion has been rescheduled for the past eight years since 2014.

“Mom, when’s the next time we get invaded?” my 10-year-old jokes, like many adults in Ukraine.

…

At the last moment, I turn around and run to the bedroom. I step on a chair to reach the jewellery box on the higher shelf. What if Kharkiv, Kyiv, and even Lviv will soon look like ruined Aleppo or Grozny? What do I take now if I am not coming home? Ever.

… more …