I myself am fascinated with death. As in the dead body and what happens on a molecular level.
I wish I were more accepting of the history of conquer between cultures. I understand that the big picture is really big. But, I just can't let go of what humans have done to nature and the cultures who have lived in harmony with it. I am not as well educated as you sound, so believe me, I am probably not capable debating anything with you.
I am probably more agnostic than atheist. But not because I know the secret to life. More because I am not strong enough to get through this life expecting total annihilation. I agree with what you speak of and I love your description of two deaths. I also love your story of the hard conversation you had with your kids.
I live as if this is a one time gig in daily life, or at least I try to, but somewhere in my being, probably my ego, I want to believe our consciousness lives on, never losing those we love so dearly.
Thanks for the interesting conversation over my morning coffee.