First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I wouldn't even want to imagine how painful it must have been for you...how painful it must still be...
As for Christmas...as time has gone on and I've gotten older, I've come to like the season less and less because of all the losses over the years.
So many people...gone.
The most recent was my little brother, who died this past February at the age of 40 after a long and painful battle with alcoholism, the results of that being the eventual failure of his liver and kidneys.
He lived up here in Mass, but a few weeks before his death he went to visit our mom in Florida. He wanted to die in the arms of the woman who gave him life. He did.
He left behind a wife and two great kids.
Our mom. And all his other sisters and step-brothers and step-sisters.
There were 17 years between us...he and my son were only 6 months apart in age, and they were more like brothers than uncle and nephew. I was like a second mom to him. I feel like there is a double loss now. My brother. My "adopted" son.
Not that I don't already know the pain of losing a child. My youngest child...the third...who was supposed to have been born on Christmas, 1974, was premature. She died in Feb, 1975 at the age of 3 months.
Christmas music makes me very sad. I don't want to hear it. And I can't stand when they play the "oldies" Christmas music on the radio and the song by Connie Francis comes on..."Baby's First Christmas".
Christmas hurts, yet we have to put on a happy face for the benefit of friends and family and pretend we're having fun, when deep down inside the pain can be overwhelming at times.
We're not supposed to be sad or cry. I cry when nobody is watching.
So I have gifts to wrap. Cards to mail out. And family functions to attend. And I'm tired and depressed and just waiting for it all to be over for another year.
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