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[zipplewrath]

15. Rules for a fair fight

Sounds like what is being suggested is that conversation follow the guidelines of "rules for a fair fight" that is often taught to couples.

For example:
http://happylists.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/37-rules-to-fighting-fair/

Paraphrasing and translating for this forum:

2. Use “I” statements: Don't speak for the other person. "What you are really saying is...." Speak for your self and only "quote" the other person. You said, "It was hurtful language", but I'm saying "It is truthful language that hurts".

6. Attack the issue, not the person. Name-calling puts people in a position to respond angrily and defensively. This is usually used when a person feels he is losing. Name-calling breaks down communication and destroys trust in the relationship.

9. Deal with one issue at a time. No fair piling several complaints into one session. NO expanding the original post into a long laundry list of complaints

12 Go forth as equals. Don’t use power plays. Everyone's point of view is valid. Authority doesn't make yours more valid.

16. Identify and Define your issue or topic, and stick to it! Don’t change the subject or bring in unrelated items. If you have a different item you’d like discuss, save it for the next discussion.

18. Ask questions that will clarify, not judge. No loaded questions. Questions should be to clarify, not challenge. If you want to challenge a point, state your case.