an email I just sent to a MAGA cousin of mine.

[cab67]

86. You're lucky to live in a family where that's a reasonable expectation .

Or even an option.

At a certain point, self-preservation has to become a factor. I can keep giving someone money, only to see that money used unwisely and be asked again and again for yet more money, eventually finding myself in a financial hole when my car breaks down or my kid ends up in the hospital; or I can make sure my needs, and those of my wife and child, are met. My wife and i can make sure we can deal with emergencies as they arise, and that's hard to do when any surplus we have - and we're not swimming in money - is reserved for times of need.

And we can avoid being told we're the ones making bad life choices by working as trained scientists at universities and thinking we're all in this together by someone who's not really trying to be self-reliant. (It would be one thing if this person had medical conditions that kept her from working, or if she just lost her job. But that's not what we're dealing with.). She actually told me that, now that NSF funding is going to be a lot harder to obtain, that I should just switch careers. At 58.

I have friends who've had to cut off contact with parents and siblings. No one ever wants to do this. Every one of them has spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with their decisions - there's always the background fear that one has acted selfishly or callously, when they were simply trying to keep their own lives stable in the face of toxicity. Sometimes, it's hard to help someone when they keep trying to drag you down every time you offer it.

I'm not actually cutting off contact with this cousin. I'm simply telling her that I've hit the end of my willingness and ability to subsidize what she should be subsidizing herself. And I'm telling her that she played a role in enabling the Medicaid cuts she may encounter.