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Political Profile: Ken Paxton [View all]
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) will be facing James Talarico (D) in the race for a U.S. Senate seat this November. Here’s everything you need to know about the Republican candidate.
Angle Of Smirk: 34 degrees
Signature Style: Rushing to put belt back on
Campaign Slogan: “Come Alone With Small, Unmarked Bills”
Position On Pedophilia: Moderate
Good Side: Neither
Political Goals: Not going to prison
Favorite Exercise: Shaking fist at unwed mothers
Most Embarrassing Moment: Forgetting who was bribing who in middle of exchange
What He’ll Do If He Loses: Sue the voters
https://theonion.com/political-profile-ken-paxton/
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